Three years through grief.

Im Angel, and I'm 54 years young. I've had my share of grief through the years. I had a son at the age of 19. I lost him to a terminal illness at 4 1/2 years old. Greif was tolible because of his illness was from a baby. Then, in 1990, I lost my mother from a massive heart attack. When I was 36, I lost my dad from suicide.
I don't have any close family members. Everyone seems to be gone. I have a sister and brother 900 miles away. No contact except through social media once in a blue moon. Through all that, the real grief came 3 years ago, when I lost my partner of 19 years after a very long sickness. To which I was giving all my time to care giving. The illness was a slow process. I watched as it worsened each day. When it finally became fatal, I thought I could handle it. I just knew I'd get through it like I always have. But, I was wrong. I lost all motivation. I have a feeling of waiting. On what, I wish I knew. I have depression and anxiety disorder. I eat and eat, and eat, when I feel lonely, Trying to use food as a medicine, I over eat and it makes me miserable. I'm starting to develop issues with my health. I just don't know what to do to get better and find my will again. Sometimes, I feel like I'm waiting to die.

 

You have been through a lot Grieving Angel. I do not know if you have tried attending a grief share or bereavement class. I found grief share very helpful, and I still attend meetings when I feel I need some extra support. I am glad I stumbled upon this site. Helps to know I am not alone in some of my feelings!