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This grief is going to kill me

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by RNgirl, Sep 6, 2020.

  1. RNgirl

    RNgirl Active Member

    I lost my love 8 weeks ago. He was a truck driver. He had a heart attack in another state. I never go to see him or say goodbye. This grief is surreal. Please help me...someone has to know how to help...
     
  2. M-J

    M-J Member

    Im so sorry for your loss. I also lost the love of my life 8 weeks ago very suddenly and even now the cause is unexplained. I completely understand how you feel. Feel like im missing a part of me
     
  3. RNgirl

    RNgirl Active Member

    I don't know where all the tears come from. If it would just ease up a bit....it is hard to imagine that life still continue.
     
  4. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your devastating loss. It must be very difficult for you to have been far away from him when he passed. Grief can be overwhelming and sometimes it’s one minute at a time to get through. I lost my love on July 17th after a short illness. He was only 59 and was not supposed to die. I was able to be with him for which I am grateful. I have been posting here for a couple of weeks and it helps. There are people here who are feeling some of the things you feel -you are not alone.
     
    LouiseP57 likes this.
  5. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss. Being without part of yourself is very hurtful. It's hard trying to move on without them. Take it one day at a time and take deep breaths. I lost my fiancee 6 months ago and everyday is a challenge. We have small kids and they are my motivation. Praying for you to get stronger to deal with all that comes with going through this process.
     
    LouiseP57 likes this.
  6. RNgirl

    RNgirl Active Member

     
  7. RNgirl

    RNgirl Active Member

    The huge waves catch me off guard. My kids are grown. They have been so good to me during this terrible time but sometimes the thoughts I have are scary. Everyone else is ready to move on... they are ready for me to be "okay" again. Thank you all for reaching out. The kindness of strangers seems to be the most helpful. Goodness knows I have cried in front of enough of them. I want to be strong...
     
    LouiseP57 likes this.
  8. RNgirl

    RNgirl Active Member

    Thank you for reaching out.
     
  9. RNgirl

    RNgirl Active Member

    Thank you for reaching out to me.
     
  10. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss.
     
  11. RNgirl

    RNgirl Active Member

    Are you finding any joy in life at this point?
     
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  12. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Well-Known Member

    I try to find joy in different ways. I've always loved my fur babies but now they sleep with me and it's comforting. It brings a smile to my face in the mornings to see my Edith or my Agnes look up and wag. I have learned to talk to my plants and find some beauty there. I'm not happy all the time and everything doesn't bring me joy but I'll gladly take whatever little bits of joy I can. I hope that you will find little bits of happiness somewhere in your day
     
  13. RNgirl

    RNgirl Active Member

    It has only been 9 weeks for me. I haven't really been able to find any yet. Nights are hard, especially Friday nights. I sit in my car in the driveway after work sometimes for hours because I don't want to come inside. I feel bad because my fur babies are scared to sleep with me anymore because I cry so much at night. I am guessing it will get better. I finally got a grief Therapist. I do every single thing anyone suggests but I know there is no magic. I just feel crumbled in a million pieces.
     
    JMD likes this.
  14. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Well-Known Member

    Believe me, the first three months I wasn't sure I would make it as far as I have. Please don't think for one moment I have it all together because I most assuredly don't. Like you, I'm a nurse. It's all I know and I think what makes it harder right now is the stressful times around us at work and in every day life. We're broken, my friend, changed forever. Doesn't mean there won't or can't be good days for us. I'm glad to hear you are talking with a therapist. Having a person to talk to is important. So you are moving in the right direction. Your fur babies feel the loss too and they are unsure of what to do. They feel your stress and uncertainty and it makes them afraid. Cry as much as you need to. It's okay. Just know that you are in control of how your life goes on.
    When my son died many years ago, he was 28 and it was sudden. I was numb and unable to pull myself out of the darkness for months. I had to take leave from work for a while because I would break down at work so much. I wasn't very useful to the rest of the ER. I had done some PRN hospice work before Michael's death and went back there a few days a week to start to make a little money. Every family was so encouraging that little by little I could begin to heal. Holidays are still not fun, I still have days where I miss him so much it hurts physically but they are not as often. It takes time. How much time is different for each person. He wouldn't want you suffering, I'm sure. Be kind to yourself just as you are to your patients.
     
    JMD likes this.
  15. RNgirl

    RNgirl Active Member

    Thank you so much for that. Work is certainly more stressful than ever before. I am fortunate that my work has been pretty forgiving. I was able to help a grieving patient yesterday at work so I am glad I am not dead in my heart even though I feel like it. I am usually a pretty private person but I feel so raw and find myself reaching out to strangers when I don't mean to. There is no place to keep all of this sorrow inside. Thank you for talking to me. It means so much. I am having such a hard time tonight. You have been through so much and I am hoping to come out strong like you.
     
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  16. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Nights are definitely hard. I get where you coming from. Hopefully your therapist can give you some ideas on what to do to make it easier. Cry as much as you need it'll help. Your loss is knew so dont rush it. Time will make you stronger.
     
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  17. RNgirl

    RNgirl Active Member

    Thank you for your kind words. The tears do seem to help some. I hope you are doing okay. Talking to others who are surviving seems to help too.
    Tina
     
  18. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Tina[/QUOTE]
    You are welcome! Yes its definitely good talking to that get where you coming from. We all deal with grief differently but it brings comfort knowing that someone gets it.
     
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  19. LouiseP57

    LouiseP57 Well-Known Member

    Bravo, my friend!!!! Reaching out to strangers is sometimes therapeutic! I know it worked for me as well. You hit the nail on the head when you said there isn't room enough for all the pain you have inside. There truly isn't enough room. Your grief is bigger than you. You will never be the same. Remember what you tell your patients, practice what we preach. We sometimes need help whether through counseling or prescribed medication. It's hard for health care professionals to ask for help despite knowing we need it. I know this time around I had to get help. I am doing counseling and medication right now. I cannot totally do this on my own strength and know that with a little help, I can survive this latest loss and maybe even thrive in my husband's honor. I lift you up in prayer for a touch of comfort each and every day until you feel stronger. Sending a virtual hug from me to you!
     
    JMD likes this.
  20. RNgirl

    RNgirl Active Member

    I have read your message many times today. It is very comforting. Thank you.