The love of my life is gone

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Tina marie, Nov 8, 2018.

  1. Tina marie

    Tina marie New Member

    October 30, 2018 was the worst day of my life. I got up, got myself ready for work as usual, and before I left kissed my boyfriend goodbye. That was the last time I would ever get to kiss him or talk to him. The day went on and I hadn’t heard from him- which was weird. We talked all day long, even if it was just to say how much we missed each other. When the work day was over and I still hadn’t heard from him, I knew something was wrong. I drove home, pulled in the driveway, and saw his truck was there. I went inside and found him cold and unresponsive. I can never begin to understand why this happened. He was only 33 and we had our whole lives ahead of us. I only got 4 years with him. I feel lost and cheated. We were supposed to have our happily ever after. It’s been a week and a half and things are starting to settle a bit and now I feel my worst. My anxiety is at an all time high. I tried getting in touch with multiple therapists, but they are either away or don’t answer or don’t have time in their schedules for me. I’m so lost and I don’t know how I’m going to move forward from this.
     
    Boze likes this.
  2. Xyzaa

    Xyzaa Member

    I am so sorry for your loss, I too lost my other half 9/1/2018 suddenly. Them being so young has been the hardest part to take in, I don’t think I will even accept it. Many will not know what to say, because although you will wish this was anyone but you you would never wish the pain of losing your better half on anyone else. The ride has been long, but there will be days the sun will peak in and please let it. I know “time heals all” will be one of the first things you are told, but take your time and don’t rush your grieving process because of what others say and think. The largest piece of advice I can give you, is allow yourself to feel every piece of it and don’t stay strong for everyone around you.. it’s your turn to fall apart. So cry, scream, be angry because you have every right to feel this out.. I hope the journey will get lighter on your heart and mine, hoping the very best for you.
     
  3. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    Tina marie, all partner losses are painful whether a longtime partner like me at 18 yrs or a shorter one at 4 yrs. I have found from going through two partner losses, 1 18 yrs ago and the 2nd 4 mos ago that circumstances matter. Fibding your bf dead is very hard. Do you know what was the cause? In my two, the first killed himself and I knew it was coming. Severe alcoholic. In the 2nd, he had a cardiac arrest in frinr of me. Totally unexpected. I just git out of of the hospital with cardiac symptoms brought on by anxiety.

    The letter writer before me is right. Lean into your grief. Don't suppress it.
     
  4. Boze

    Boze Well-Known Member

    You can try YouTube- I find that distancing myself by not sitting right with someone helpful. There are is good support on YouTube. Because I am an empath (not to be confused with always empathic) so I watch Sam Vaknin. He seems to be the least flowery therapist. I’m just not diggin flowery therapy right now.
     
  5. KimG

    KimG Guest

    Tina Marie,

    I just found this site. Your words broke my heart. I lost by boyfriend/fiancee on Oct 14, 2018. We were together for 2 1/2 years. We thought we had forever. One minute he was there and the next minute he was gone. Heart attack. It is disgustingly unfair and horrifying that he was ripped out of my life. Like you, I feel lost and cheated. Like you, I don't know how to go on. It is an effort to get dressed. It is an effort to brush my hair. I live with regrets and pain. I am in a nightmare. I feel your pain. I understand. I have never felt this pain before.
     
    Dinah Love likes this.
  6. Boze

    Boze Well-Known Member

    When I was in my 20’s a co-worker lost her boyfriend/ live-in husband. She said she could never remarry. She was about 32 years old. I tried to encourage her as we were in a work area where meeting nice men was easy. No way would she re-Marry. It was a family obligation though they didn’t have children. Many people must live this way. Many people who don’t seek another lime-light. I was always okay about her doing that though I didn’t quite understand.
     
  7. Dinah Love

    Dinah Love New Member

    I lost my boyfriend of 8 years sudden on August 20, 2018. I feel your pain. The world has moved on and I can't stand it. My situation was very similar to yours: I hadn't heard from him and I knew something was wrong. He fell and hit his head and died from a brain bleed. My friends don't know how to comfort me, and I just want to be alone most of the time. I keep thinking: what is my life now?

    You are not alone. We are all lost. I'm sending you so much love right now, even though we've never met.
     
    LindaH likes this.
  8. angie3180

    angie3180 New Member

    Hello Tina I am Angela I am so sorry to hear what happened it seems like things don't make no sense at all...I don't know if you believe in god or the other side but it has to be there and for some reason it was he's time to go.....My husband died in front of me in my arms and that was the worst day of my life …no warning do we get and we never know why.....sometimes there is no answer...I just want to let you know im going through it too and if you ever wanna talk im here just leave me a message.....angie
     
  9. Saintgrl74

    Saintgrl74 Active Member

    I’m so sorry to hear that you’re in so much pain. Not only losing him but finding him must have been so traumatic. I lost my husband husband of 10 years suddenly on October 16, he was found in a sleeping position in bed at a motel. He was there bc we had an argument that weekend. The cause of death is still being investigated, he had sleep apnea but had a history of opioid abuse but no meds were in the room. I lost him during an argument that never got resolved. He died alone. We hace an 8 year old son that he won’t see grow up. I know also the feeling of being cheated. This is such a roller coaster, so hang on. Read other people’s stories, sometimes finding common ground with people who are going through the same thing can be really helpful.
     
    LindaH likes this.
  10. My girlfriend was killed instantly while riding her mountain bike on November 16 2018 she was only 26, I have not found anything to help my pain I'm so sad to hear that I am not alone,
     
  11. hanniexo

    hanniexo New Member

    Hi Tina! I am so sorry for your loss. I just joined this site to see if there was anyone going through a similar situation as me and I am glad I stumbled upon this page. I lost my 23 year old boyfriend in May 2018 as well unexpectedly. I have felt alone and angry at the world ever since. I completely agree with you. Nothing is worse than seeing them and kissing them one day, and the next our whole lives were flipped upside down. Our love is just ripped away from us, completely gone. We can never talk to them or see their face again. It is a pain I know we will live with forever. Just know you are not alone and that we can all get through these feelings together.
     
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  13. Hello,
    I’m in a similar situation.He died three weeks ago this morning. We were together for 15 years and he died suddenly, alone. I’m lost, angry, super anxious, terrified and devastated. I’m so sorry for your loss.
    Sincerely,
    Elizabeth
     
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  15. Hi,
    I’m in a similar situation. My husband died 3 weeks ago this morning. He died suddenly and alone. He’s my best friend. We were together for 15 years. I’m so lost, devastated, angry, anxious and scared.
     
  16. Cathy Lawson

    Cathy Lawson New Member

    I feel for you. How does one go on, cope?
     
  17. I don’t know. I’m not sleeping or eating. I don’t know how to deal with this.
     
  18. Cathy Lawson

    Cathy Lawson New Member

    Sorrow and grief are so deep and all consuming. The loss of my soul mate is like losing half of myself. All that is good and loving about myself is lost. I feel I've lost the best part of my life, and future.
     
  19. Rachel Logan

    Rachel Logan New Member

    I am so profoundly sorry for your loss. It’s comforting to be in a place where people understand.. The worst weekend of my life happened last May (2018) when my boyfriend/soon to be fiancé was killed in a car wreck on his way home from work. He was in a trauma center for 2 agonizing days and pronounced brain dead after 24 hours. I feel the exact same way you all do.. Cheated, lost, alone, angry, disgusted and devastated. I am not blessed with a wonderful family, and friends mean well, but do NOT understand. God bless you all.