I lost my older brother so suddenly about 2 months ago - it was just a horrible accident that ended -his life when he was only in his mid-20s. So much was left unsaid... I flew out to a different state to see him after it happened but although I saw him in the hospital his brain was so damaged that he was not there. I helped make the decision to take him off life support and watching him die was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I know he technically wasn't even there, it was just his body, but this doesn't penetrate to my subconscious. I have nightmares where I watch him die over and over again, seeing his body convulse just like it did in real life. I have panic attacks where I envision my other brother or my mum dying and just am coated in dread all the time. It is awful and I don't see how I'm going to keep going. It's the only thing on my mind and nothing else seems to matter.