Sudden loss and PTSD

Hello, I lost my partner in a paragliding accident 3 years ago. The loss was world shattering, as I’m sure everyone here unfortunately understands so well. It took me so long to pick up the pieces of myself and my life after this sudden loss. I am now dating another wonderful man. The problem is I find myself constantly preparing myself to loose him, sometimes wanting to push him away so I don’t have this ‘potential pain’ looming over me. It’s something I have begun to call my ‘disaster brain’, for there’s this little voice in the back of my mind when things are going well now that tells me not to get too comfortable, that more pain is inevitable. I feel like I am unconsciously preparing myself for another loss, and I just can’t shake the feeling. I’m wondering if I am struggling with PTSD symptoms. Is anyone else experiencing something similar that can shed some light? xx

 

I was diagnosed with PTSD at 15 from a sexual assualt, so maybe I'm not the best to relate too, because I had previously experienced the symptoms, but I lost my boyfriend when I was 20 to an overdose (which was a shock and a trauma). I had another parter for four and a half years (we're broken up now); for the first probably two years of our relationship, I would have panic attacks about him dying, and would panic if he didn't answer the phone, or god forbid, his phone was dead (like Matt's was). With time, and his consistency, I was able to move forward and the fears ceased a little.

I hope this helps in that at least you are not alone in feeling this way.