*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

Still struggling after 13 months

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Shannon Lee, Jul 15, 2021.

  1. Shannon Lee

    Shannon Lee Member

    It's still a daily struggle to deal with the trauma, nightmares, triggers, ect., of finding my father after his suicide. Therapy and EMDR were God sent, but as that winds down, and I am holding my own, the anxiety of moving forward seems terrifying. Even with positive changes in my life, it still feels so heavy. Anyone else struggling with something similar?
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  2. Hi Shannon Lee. I have just joined the site here. 13 months is not a long time and I can relate to your feelings of anxiety. I am glad that you are holding your own. It will help to stay engaged with life and to keep in regular contact with family and friends. Try to respect and allow the feelings as a part of the grief journey, but recognise that doing the things you enjoy and spending time with people that make you feel good will gradually lighten the load and reduce the difficult emotions.

    Based on my experience, for the most part, you will feel better able to cope with the loss as time goes on. There will be times that might make you think you are going backwards, but that’s because grief comes in waves. You are moving forward and making progress.

    Keep going and try to get stuck in to your life ahead. My daughter is doing fine now. She keeps herself busy, she has engaged fully with life and that has helped tremendously. My son and I are still struggling but it is getting easier as we continue our individual grief journeys.

    My son James took his own life at home 4 years ago this coming Monday. He was found by my wife, his twin brother and his sister.

    Best wishes.
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  3. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    So very sorry for your trauma. I appreciate how you try to help others with your positive comments.
    May God help you and your son. How is your wife doing? I was the one who found our son also.
     
  4. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for your loss.
    If you feel like talking about it, I would like to know how you feel therapy and EDMR have been able to help you.
     
  5. My wife has been able to carry on being the strong one, keeping the house running and supporting everyone. You wouldn’t know that she was suffering as she is very stoical by nature and is cheerful with friends and family. However it has taken its toll as it has on us all and she still avoids places where she might meet people as she just doesn’t want the conversation. She also gets tired much more than before. She never talks about James unless someone else mentions it, even in the family get togethers, which makes it hard for the rest of us, as it’s very awkward when I or anyone else mentions James. It’s a horrible situation which puts a strain on relationships.
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  6. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I have a poem about that which might or might not help her. I will find it and send it to you. If you think it would help her, make a copy and give it to her. If you don't think it will help, just leave well enough alone.
    My husband never mentions our son, Shawn either. We don't have any family except my sister so we don't run into that at family get togethers. He has never talked about anything connected with Shawn. We all try to cope differently. I tried to cope by telling myself, "don't think about that" whenever I would remember something; however, this is not good because it has a tendancy to stop any desire to think about anything and just kind of stops you in your tracks, life stands still and you lose most of your interest in anything. I think my husband just rejects any thoughts about what has happened and avoids it by never talking about anything about either of our boys.
    It is very tiring fighting against the depression and grief and I can certainly identify with your wife's weariness. Grief takes a lot out of a person. We are never the same as we were, no matter how we appear on the outside.
     
  7. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I found the poem. Remember, don't give it to her if you think it will make things harder for her in any way.

    DEATH IS NOTHING AT ALL

    Death is nothing at all.
    I have only slipped away to the next room.
    I am I and you are you.
    Whatever we were to each other,
    That, we still are.

    Call me by my old familiar name.
    Speak to me in the easy way
    which you always used.
    Put no difference into your tone.
    Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

    Laugh as we always laughed
    at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
    Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
    Let my name be ever the household word
    that it always was.
    Let it be spoken without effect.
    Without the trace of a shadow on it.

    Life means all that it ever meant.
    It is the same that it ever was.
    There is absolute unbroken continuity.
    Why should I be out of mind
    because I am out of sight?

    I am but waiting for you.
    For an interval.
    Somewhere. Very near.
    Just around the corner.

    All is well.

    ~ Henry Scott Holland