Grief Self-Study Now Available! Visit Online Support section for more information

Spouse/Best friend Loss

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Billfromwa, Dec 8, 2019.

  1. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Uncontrollable crying seems to be a common symptom most of us have in common. My wife (Janet) and I were together 24/7 for most of the last 25 years. We did everything together so there are grief triggers everywhere that open up the tear floodgates. I cry all the time. I text Janet every day, sometimes several times. It brings her closer to me. She was my life stabilizer and I’m having a hard time adjusting to life without her.
    She died at 8:40 AM on October 18 of this year of brain cancer. As it was for most of our lives we were together 24/7 at Hospice as well, and I was with her when she passed. She was, and is, the kindest, bravest human being I have ever known. We didn’t find each other until I was over 60 years old but the last 25 years have been the best of my life. I’m so grateful that I found her.
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Yes I can totally understand when you say the care givers became your family. I’ve seen how they cared for my father in law and they are wonderful people.
    I’m sorry for you and totally understand how you’re feeling today. I’m having a difficult time also. They’re such a huge part of our lives how can we not miss them terribly. Like you I’ve talked to Ron a lot today. I’m so sad without him.
    One minute at a time is the only way. God bless you, Bill and Janet.
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I feel your pain and I’m so sorry for you. The holidays magnify the pain that’s for sure. And you never know what will bring on the tears. Every time I drive home from my daughters house I cry. Ron should be driving me, he took such good care of me. Your loss is very similar to my loss of Ron. We spent the day together, yard work, shopping for Thanksgiving dinner, helping my daughter, everyday things. That evening at 9:30 he had stomach virus like symptoms, that turned into chest pains. The love of my life was gone in 2 hours! He was healthy, didn’t take any prescription medication at all. Devastation is the only way to describe it! And now I’m alone and I miss him terribly. And I know you understand the pain.
  4. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

  5. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    As one of my Hospice counselors told me, “Don’t worry about the crying, she deserves your tears. They are a tribute for your love.

    RLC likes this.
  6. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    I’m having the strongest premonition that I will be joining my beautiful wife, Janet, soon. I will try to keep in contact. I have had a long and interesting life to this point and am not afraid to die. I have been blessed to have had a great love that transformed my life. Janet taught me that love is our purpose for existing and will grow as we evolve.
    Through this forum, I have met and shared experiences with some lovely people who will be my friends for eternity. This site is populated with loving, caring, people who are simply trying to help their fellow human beings navigate through this process.
    God Bless You All.


    that LOVE is what it’s all about.​
  7. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Bill, you’re feeling the need to be close to Janet. I totally understand and you know I’m here for you to listen and help you navigate through these horrible feelings we’re dealing with. I personally believe as we help and share with each other we’re helping ourselves. For me it helps to talk about what I’ve gone through and what I’m going through now. And the fact that people on this site totally understand, where as people in our day to day lives, do not understand at all. And prove it by their actions and things they say. I’ve had people say terribly rude things to me and I do my best to let it go, because people just don’t get it.
    Bill, I’m saying extra prayers for you to help you navigate through this terribly rough time.
    God Bless! Robin ❤️
    Billfromwa likes this.
  8. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    I wrote this for my Hospice Grief Therapist, Joanie. I was trying to verbalize a survivors view.

    How do I describe the depth of my pain?

    How do I describe such a debilitating loss?

    How can someone who hasn’t walked this path understand the tangible realities and all-encompassing grief that I carry with me every minute of every day?

    The true answer is one can.

    For me, each day is oppressively sad and lonely.

    For me, the agony continues to assault and pound my soul with no respite or relief.

    Tears bubble just under the surface, waiting to erupt...unbidden.

    This is my daily reality...This is my Hell here on earth.

    My prayer each day is that my Wife and Best Friend, Janet, is in a place where there is no fear, pain, or remorse, and she is surrounded by loving, caring people who have HER best interests in their hearts.

    I’m my new life, there are individuals whose own lives are dedicated to assisting these distressed survivors (like me) in navigating through the strange and uncharted waters. They wake up each morning committed, not to save lives, but to assist the lost souls seeking relief the unrelenting agony that I know so well.

    These Angels (I choose to call them Angels) are the staff and volunteers of Hospice, all of whom assisted Janet, and me, through Janet’s final days and beyond. Thank God for Hospice...YOU DO SAVE LIVES!

    A Survivors View