Spouse/Best friend Loss

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Billfromwa, Dec 8, 2019.

  1. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

     
  2. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    I didn’t mean to capitalize the ok. It was on autocorrect I guess. It makes it look like I was shouting. That’s something I would never do.
    God bless you.
     
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Bill, we have this in common too. This was our favorite time of year too. I’m seriously having a difficult time, cry at the slightest thing. I miss my other half so very much. Your story of crying in the car, I’m so sorry for you! I know all about that, happens to me often. I wonder if people in other cars wonder what’s wrong with me cause I cry a lot in the car. Ron drove me everywhere, I miss him taking me places. We had 6 months prior bought a new car, he loved our car so much and he didn’t get to enjoy it for very long. I suffer with rheumatoid arthritis and Ron did everything for me. I have trouble lifting heavy things, it hurts my knuckles, I have arthritis in my hip and knee and walking is painful. I told him I feel vulnerable like I’m an easy target. He wouldn’t let me go anywhere alone. Now I go everywhere alone. I know he’s watching me and wants to be taking care of me.
    Ron loved my pumpkin pie too. I made it this year like I did every year. I miss cooking for him. We started listening to Christmas music on thanksgiving. We’d make Christmas lists of wishes and spoil each other rotten. Last year we had started our lists and Ron wanted a new bird feeder, so I went out and bought the one he wanted and I’ve kept birdseed in it all year. I barely remember last Christmas I was still in shock and in a fog. And pretty much cried all day. The day before Ron passed we had been shopping and he found a lamb ornament. My daughter loves and collects lambs. We bought it. It was the only gift under our small tree last year bought by Ron. My daughter Stacey treasures that ornament more then words can express. This year, no gifts bought by Ron. I wish he had bought something for me, but I’m so happy we bought the lamb, Stacey cherishes it. This Christmas my brother who has spent every holiday for 20 years at my house decided he’s not coming this year. Hurts me that he chose this year to not be with me. So it’s me and Stacey alone. It’ll be difficult for sure. I hope you’ll have family or friends with you.
    Is it bad to say I look forward to Ron welcoming me home? That’s how I feel. You know Janet will be there for you with open arms.
    It hasn’t been 2 months yet for you, I think you’re doing pretty good considering.
    Janet is watching over you I’m sure.
     
  4. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Robin, my heart aches for you. This forum does provide an outlet for those of us who are going through the same thing. We know all of the grievers out there completely understand what we’re talking about. Still, the horrible pain keeps gnawing at our souls. Sometimes
    It’s unbearable. I wish I could hold your hand and make it all go away. I used to think that Janet and I, together, could conquer anything. Death threw us a curve ball, but we’re not going to ever give up. You love Ron too much and I love Janet too much to just quit. Together we’ll hang in there until we get together for a group hug.
    I love you and I love Ron .
    Let’s hang on tight to each other.
     
  5. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

     
  6. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Stacey’s Love of lambs tells me a lot about her spirit. I believe that she is a a thoughtful, gentle soul. My Janet would love her, as would I. It seems to me that you (and Ron) have done a great job of raising a wonderful daughter. She must miss her Dad very much. I know that Ron is watching over her and loves her deeply. Please forgive me if I am opening up old wounds, I certainly don’t want to cause any more pain, I’m just speaking from my heart. I think Stacey is a God send .
    God Bless You,, Stacey and Ron.
    I’m sure Janet and Ron hit
    It off just great.
     
  7. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

     
  8. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Dear Bill, it’s wonderful how much this site helps us. It’s easy to say what’s on your mind or how you’re feeling because unlike people in your day to day life that have no clue what this feels like. everyone here knows exactly and there’s no judging. Wish I had found this site long ago.
    Thank you so much for your kind words and compliment on Stacey. We’ve always been a very knit family. She misses her dad more then I can express in words. She has stayed by my side very steady since we lost Ron. She stayed here at my house day and night for many months. She worked from here too. So we could be together. She helps me daily and I try to help her. She’s here now, I went on a new medication and had a bad reaction, she came to help me through it. I’m starting to feel some better now. We have a son too, he lives in Florida he tries to give support from there and we’ve visited him a couple times. He’s Ron Jr. I chose RLC as my name on this site because Ron and I have the same initials. So a tribute to him.
    I wish you could make the pain go away too and your pain as well. You come across as. Very caring, loving man/ husband. Just like Ron. Men like you two are rare and far between. Janet and I were so lucky! And we both know it!
     
  9. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Hi Bill, Haven't heard from you in a few days, checking in to see how you're managing. I've had a rough couple of days. Well every day is rough, but really struggling lately. The holidays are so hard. Watching couples so happy and shopping together, just used to be you and Janet and Ron and . being alone is so hard after a life with your loved one. I miss every single thing we had and did and all the things we were looking forward to. Retiring and traveling and just being.
    Take Care, sending Love your way!
     
  10. Maggs

    Maggs New Member

    Hi Bill
    I to lost my husband of 45 yrs, in February this yr. I am having a terrible time coping with the loss, I was my husbands caregiver for the last nine yrs. Brain cancer is one of the brutal cancers, taking over both mental and physical ability. I can understand what you are going through, sometimes it is a comfort to talk to someone in a similar situation.
    Maggs
     
  11. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Hi
    Robin
    I’ve been been trying to contact you for a couple of days but my texts have been ending up as emails which I tried to forward with no success. I have some big news. I know that Janet and Ron have made a connection. I had my hand on her urn and asked if a guy named Ron had tried to contact her, and my entire body exploded with goosebumps. Is he there now? I asked? Goosebumps on top of goosebumps. I am positive they made contact and he was with her right then.
    I’ve got more goosebumps right now. I have all of this in an email floating somewhere in cyberspace.
    I think this is remarkable news. Ron is well and waiting for you. Be happy.
     
    RLC likes this.
  12. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Hi M
    Hi Maggs
    I am truly sorry to hear about your loss. There is nothing that can describe the horrible empty pain that you’re enduring. Only those of us who are facing this reality can truly understand. I can say that this site is an oasis in the desert of grief that I was lucky enough to find. It does help to converse with these lovely people and share our problems. I have already made some life-changing friends, both here and beyond.
    Keep in touch.
     
  13. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Bill,
    You gave me goose bumps! Wow! That is great news! How wonderful! They found each other because of us and how we support each other. Brings tears to my eyes. Our spouses are doing well and together! Thank you for sharing, awesome story! I’ll share with Stacey for sure.
    I’ve been having trouble with this site lately. So maybe it wasn’t you but this site had issues. I couldn’t do anything, kept saying error no matter what I tried.
    I’m glad I just now read your post as I’m about to try and rest for the night. Made me smile. My Mom reached out to me today. I heard her voice say my name. Our loved ones are definitely with us! I believe you just need to be open to it.
    I’m sure this was wonderful for you to experience. Happy for you! Thank you! ❤️
     
  14. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

     
  15. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    When I had this experience I was elated. I was so happy that they had found each other and they were looking out for each other. Such a comfort. Two strangers in pain from opposite sides of the country brought together with grief in common. I’m so glad I found this site. It spawned eternal friendships. How wonderful.
    Love,
    Bill
     
  16. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I agree, it seems rather crazy. Strangers hurting so terribly from the loss of their other half. Yet, we’re able to comfort each other while we’re in mourning. People who haven’t had such a loss just don’t understand, they can’t. There’s no way to know how horrible this feels without going through this type of a loss. And now you’ve received a sign saying our spouses found each other too! It’s a miracle! This site brought two people together that never would have found each other and formed a lasting friendship, of coarse we would rather have our spouses but this is comforting. I never expected to form such a bond when I found this site. I wasn’t even sure what I’d find when I joined.
    Is touching Janet’s urn your best way to be in touch with her? I feel Ron’s presence when I’m hurting the most, I can just feel him. It’s funny that Ron and I had had a conversation about funerals and such and he said don’t waste money on a lot of wakes and such and I don’t need a special urn, or to be on display. Save the money for yourself. I explained to him that if he should go first I need to do what feels right for me and I know I’ll need to honor you in the best way possible. And so his ashes are in a beautiful wooden urn with humming birds on it. And on display where I walk past many times a day. We loved watching humming birds during the summer, we enjoyed nature. It’s harder now without Ron by my side but I do still enjoy nature. And I wear some of his ashes in a mini urn on a necklace and have his fingerprint on a charm. Both my children do as well.
    Love your experience and that we’ve formed such a bond
     
  17. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Touching Janet’s urn makes me feel close to her. Something physically tangible. I talk to her out loud, like we are having a conversation.
    I love our bond and I think it will last forever.
     
  18. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    When I say “our bond” I’m referring to you and me, and Janet and Ron collectively.
    I think we will be connected forever.

    Bill
     
  19. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I understand the tangible need, I have that need too. I also talk out loud to Ron like you do with Janet. I’m in awe of your experience the other day. It’s things like that, that we need. Do you hear favorite songs of Janet’s or have lights do weird things? I experience those things and others regularly.
    I agree that we have a forever bond, our lives are so much alike, so close to our spouses. We would do anything for our spouse and them for us, so we totally understand each other’s pain. I agree the four of us will be connected forever. I love that Ron and Janet found each other, through us.
    Love Robin
     
  20. Shadow

    Shadow Member

    My husband of 42 years died on October 24 th. Today is the eighth week anniversary and I'm beginning to get some of my brain back, but I'm still feeling add if I may never be close to the person I wss before my beloved's death. Les brought out the best in me and now I feel like an empty husk that just goes through the motions. Like you mentioned. I too stop in random parking lots and cry. I now have Kleenex in my purse and the car as well as in my office just in case. I cut my work down to only a half time case load and may be in can do that. My brain is still so slow.
    Thank you for listening.
    Patricia