On September 12th I went into labor at 33 weeks. Going to the hospital was excited to meet my handsome son Zaythen. Never in a million years did I expect to hear the words " I'm sorry but there's no heartbeat, he has passed. " My world came crashing down around me. The flood of emotions hit me like a ton of bricks . As all the nurses are prepping the delivery room , I lay there silently crying think how I was ever going to give birth to to my son knowing he wouldn't be taking his first breath. The nurses try to talk me thru the process and tell me what to expect. My mind's rambled and I can hardly understand . When the time came to push we all prepared for what comes next. My son had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck twice. That's what caused him to pass. When they handed me my little angel , i put him to my chest and told him I loved him. I held I'm tight in my arms . The emotions that I experienced are one I never knew existed . He was perfect . I couldn't stop looking at his little face and seeing so much of myself in him. As I sit here 4 days later I still haven't packed his stuff up. Everythings still in the same place. I can't seem to put it away. His swing, bouncer, bassinet, and stuffed animals are still in my room where I placed them waiting his arrival. I have no idea what to do next. When does the crying get better and the pain in my chest ease up?