I try to stand up and take a step up, just to get knocked back down from memories replaying in my head. Some of the memories you try to forget but it still haunts you. I try and find the best part of her passing, like she no longer in pain....but like this crap that tell me different, She thank me for saving her. "let me explain" when we first met I notice she cuts her wrist and that she hopes one day its deep enough, that one day came just moments before I came to her house. well I save her and gave her a reason to live by loving her, which I really do and she randomly thank me thought our marriage, but she was diagnosed with stage 4 Multiple Sclerosis, and this day keeps replaying in my head and it was the day before she past away. That she stated how much she loved me, thank you for saving me, and I promise I will never leave you that a promise from me to you always have and always will, and it just keeps digging in deeper and deeper as each day goes by. and I know she didn't have a choice to live or die but my heartache will not let up for me to breath before another memory hits me...My pillow is soaked with tears and my shirt while I write this. she passed away on 3/3/2019 there has not been a day I've not cried, I isolated myself for 10 days in the dark and attempted suicide by drug overdose, I just ended up being very sick for a week, and know that's not a good option. I've already have a bad heart how much more pain and hurt will I suffer, it's worth it if it brings back my sweetheart. Anyone else have memories that keep you back.