*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

so alone

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by diaszy, Jun 24, 2021.

  1. diaszy

    diaszy Member

    My husband of 36yrs passed away suddenly in Sept 2020. I feel like a basket case! I cry every single day. I am left with a huge house that has developed major damage due to an ice dam. Insurance is taking forever to get work started. I have a house full of "stuff" that needs to be gone through, possible estate sale. Our possessions, plus my deceased parents things, and his deceased parents possessions. I have no siblings, and my husband, too, was an only child. I have two children a daughter living in Pittsburgh, a 5 1/2h drive, an a son who lives an hour and a half away, but he never even bothers to call me. But they are always in contact with his wife's family! I have always been an extremely keep to myself person, not good at meeting or conversing with people. My husband and I did not have friends, just stayed at home by ourselves. I am just so alone!! I am 66 yrs old and just so lost!
     
    Returning joy likes this.
  2. Returning joy

    Returning joy Member

     
  3. Returning joy

    Returning joy Member

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Lost my husband May 2,2021 after 1 yr battle with lung cancer. i was his caregiver, best friends..not alot of friends outside. We have 2 kids 6 grandkids. Very hard for them to handle my grief. They lost their father..but loosing your spouse partner is different. Find myself alone alot, more comfortable, can be myself..but very lonely. So hard..taking it 1 min at a time..prayers for you
     
  4. diaszy

    diaszy Member

    Prayers to you, too. The one good side to my husband's death was it was quick, no suffering.6 grandkids sounds wonderful! I think it's the loneliness that's driving me crazy. How do you keep busy? I have no desire to do anything, go anywhere. I just sit in front of my computer while watching TV all day, all evening. I don't even feel like making dinner.
     
  5. Returning joy

    Returning joy Member

    Not doing a lot of cooking right now..eating mostly prepared food. I have 3 small dogs that wont allow me to sit still for long..very needy, grieving also. I like to work in my yard. I go to the grocery store..sometimes for just 1 or 2 things..just to get out. Dont like crowds, have very good neighbors. How ling has it been for your loss?
     
  6. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    I think loneliness is one of the absolute worst feelings. Sometimes I talk to my husband as if he was still here. The TV and laptop have become my new dining companions. The microwave has become one of my new best friends. I think of my husband, how thankful he was for each and every day he was on this earth, how he found something to be grateful for each day, even when he was in lots of pain. I know he would want me to continue living, not just existing. I know he would want me to be happy (although I don't know if this is possible). He is the reason I get out of bed every morning.

    I try to take a long walk after breakfast every day. I was totally fried this morning, both physically and mentally, but made myself take a walk. Although the sun wasn't out, the fresh air and exercise made me feel a bit better. Although there are still many days when I want to be alone, even if I know I'm going to be very lonely, I decided to check out a bereavement support group that meets once a week. I had mixed feelings about going, but I'm glad I did. I met two widows who shared stories that in many ways, are similar to mine. We exchanged phone numbers. We're planning on seeing each other at next week's meeting. I recently started a notebook where I write down things that I'm feeling. I feel better after expressing myself on paper, sort of like a good cry. This site has also helped me feel less alone. I run errands that I really don't need to do just to keep busy. Like Returning Joy, I'll go to the grocery store for only a couple of items. I go window shopping, even though I know I don't need anything, and don't plan on buying anything. I make a daily list of things I want to accomplish. Sometimes the list only has one or two small items on it. I find that trying to stick to a schedule, adding some structure to my day, helps me feel a little less lonely.

    Be gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself the best you can. Try to eat healthy foods. Try to get enough sleep. Visit this site often. You are not alone. We are here to support you as you continue your grief journey.

    Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace.
     
    Returning joy likes this.
  7. diaszy

    diaszy Member

    He passed Sept 23, 2020 I weeded my yard a couple times, I can only survive about an hour before my back gives out and I'm sweating up a storm. I've given up trying to keep up with them and have hired someone to come do it for me. I go for groceries, too, but if I'm not eating, no sense in buying them! Neighbors here kind of keep to themselves. Dogs are wonderful, but my yard is not fenced in, and there really is no door with a good set up to let them out!
     
    Returning joy likes this.
  8. diaszy

    diaszy Member

    Where did you find a bereavement support group? Is it a therapy group? Or something along the lines of AA? I really need to find a place where I can go meet people and not worry about crying all the time since I can't seem to stop. How do I get pointed in the right direction!!
     
  9. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    I couldn't find a bereavement support group online so I called several hospices. The first one I called told me to check out the website, www.griefshare.org They have a bereavement group, but it's at least a 45 minute drive from my house. I've heard positive things about this organization and they run bereavement groups in many states. If you look at the website, you'll be able to find out if they offer a support group near you. If not, try calling local hospices. The second hospice I called runs the bereavement group that I attended. I found it to be a very warm, caring, safe environment. There was a large box of tissues in the middle of the table in case anyone needed some. There were tears, but it was totally expected. I needed several! The group I'm going to is run by a medical social worker. You could also try calling hospitals in your area. I hope this helps.

    Sending you lots of hugs..., wishing you peace...
     
  10. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    Diaszy, please try to take care of yourself the best you can. Even if you don't feel like eating, try to have something light, (healthy if you can handle it) Drink plenty of water. I don't feel like cooking, so I've been trying to buy the healthiest frozen foods that I can find and zap them in the microwave. Right now, washing and tearing lettuce seems like too much of a chore. I've been buying bagged salads and adding more vegetables to them. I've been eating the same breakfast every day, plain yogurt, mixed with hemp hearts, and fruit. Everything I've been eating since my husband died takes very little effort to prepare and there's minimal cleanup. I hope someday I'll feel like cooking again.
     
    Returning joy likes this.
  11. Returning joy

    Returning joy Member

     
  12. Returning joy

    Returning joy Member

    Yes dogs can be a real blessing during grief..I have 3 small dogs..they can also be very time consuming..love mine, but sometimes I just have to go somewhere to get away from their neediness to deal with mine.
     
  13. Angelfish

    Angelfish Member

    I know the loneliness feeling all too well. I’m 47 and have no one. On days I don’t work I usually don’t even see another human. I went a year without a hug. It’s changed me. I don’t know what to do
     
  14. Returning joy

    Returning joy Member

    I am so sorry for your pain..I know the loneliness..have you joined any groups? I am taking my dogs to a dog park, just to enjoy company. Wish I could give you a hug..I am 3 months into this..probably rough days ahead..I am a believer and know where my husband is. Waiting for the day to rejoin him..but until then we have to find our way. Fresh air, a friendly hello always helps..praying for you❤️