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Shock after sudden loss of my husband

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Greenpaws, Feb 24, 2021.

  1. Greenpaws

    Greenpaws Member

    Hi, I am also new to this site and hope to find some comfort from other people's similar experiences to mine and maybe give comfort also. I lost my husband suddenly 9 months ago due to brain bleed, he was 60 yrs old, he was fit and healthy and active with no health problems so this came as such a shock to me and everyone arnd us. I was numb for the first few weeks and felt like I was coping well but as time went on i felt the loss profoundly. I hve a near constant ache in my breast bone and a lot of anxiety . We walked our 2 dogs together every evening and enjoyed each others company so much. On the bright side I am so glad he did not suffer and was not left disabled as he would never hve coped with that. Also I am continuing to walk the dogs with my family who have been so supportive all along. I just keep trying to see the bright side of life and be grateful for the small things.
     
  2. Janet2731

    Janet2731 Member

    I’m so sorry for your loss-my husband died suddenly.He had an aneurysm and when they operated he had a stroke-yesterday was a year and the worst year of my life-we were married for 56 years he was 79 and very health. We did so much together -I have a great family I don’t know what I would have done without them-I keep thinking of all the good things we did -and know he would not want me to be sad -Karyn on this sight has helped me and also the groups-your husband was young-I am so sorry
     
  3. Greenpaws

    Greenpaws Member

    Hi Janet, thnk you for your kind reply, and I understand completely your loss especially as your husband was fit and healthy also. The shock is so difficult to deal with. I know also my husband would want me to be strong and he was and I ask him to give me some of his strength for the future.
     
  4. LBA

    LBA Member

    Greenpaws, you sound a lot like me. My 35 yr old husband passed completely unexpectedly 5 weeks ago. At first I thought I was coping...but when reality truly set in...when I stopped texting him everyday...the more I realize his gone forever...I can’t comprehend it. And if I let the pain in, I can’t get out of bed. I just spent another 2 days in bed crying. I have family that helps too. And I keep thinking that my husband would want me to have a good life and be ok. It right now...right now I feel so complete and utterly broken. I’m a nurse that can’t work. I can’t be I public without the possibility of a melt-down. I’m scared, lonely, and can’t really imagine this is real...people say it gets easier...I think there is something very different about losing your spouse. The person the was there with you everyday. Every night and every morning...all day...it’s something that can’t be explained...I’m so sorry for what you’re going through because I know the disbelief and constant fight to try and be ‘ok’ when you’re just not there
     
  5. LBA

    LBA Member

    I apologize for not proof reading. I hope my response still made sense. Another ability I’ve lost. Don’t have the energy to keep up the facade of perfection any longer. I also keep trying to find the joy in the little things. Be the perfect response to grief that you see portrayed on TV. I’ve heard that ‘grief is the hardest work you will ever do’. I’ve never heard a more true statement.
     
  6. Cscj

    Cscj New Member

    Hi Lba,
    I’m so sorry for you loss and I wanted to tell you I fully understand how you feel. I lost my beautiful 36 year husband 3 weeks ago very suddenly and the grief has been horrendous, if it was not for our baby and toddler I’m not sure I would actually be able to get through this. If you ever want to tak, cry, scream whatever - I’ll be here x
     
  7. Greenpaws

    Greenpaws Member

     
  8. Greenpaws

    Greenpaws Member

    Hi lba , I completely sympathise with you, and know exactly where your coming from, it's such an empty feeling and I also couldn't stop thinking of where he actually is. Bt the fact that you are crying is good as felt I didn't cry enough and was holding back especially with my family and friends. Also I have slowly improved with the passing of time, hope this helps you.
     
  9. LBA

    LBA Member

    I’m happy to have met you on here. We were trying to have kids, no kids yet. I wish I had little reminders of him. I miss him so much I wake up nauseous every day. Likewise, I am here for you. This is a feeling that can’t be explained
     
  10. LBA

    LBA Member

    I just keep hoping that time will help. No matter how much I cry or get therapy or sit with the pain, it does not want to improve. I’m beginning to think that only time will help me
     
  11. Greenpaws

    Greenpaws Member

    Yes its si true about time helping, I thought I would never gt out of the constant anxious feelings and pain in my chest and desolate feeling bt it's going on 10mnths for me now and I am slowly improving and beginning to talk abt my husband now which I couldn't face in the earlier months. Hope you start to feel stronger soon and even though it feels so difficult, it's good that u are crying now as frm what I'm told by many people that's so important!
     
  12. EddieL

    EddieL New Member

    Dear all, I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I lost my partner, Bill, to a sudden heart attack. He was only 59 and young and healthy. I understand so much of what you all are going through. It can feel like you're coping - until you realize you're not. Days when I can't get out of bed or go to work, crying all the time, the feeling like this really can't be happening. It will be two years this April since he passed and I can tell you that time will help. It's not like the pain really goes away, but you learn to live with it. For me, anyway.

    And LBA you're so right, it is worse when it's your partner, your love. Others don't understand that. I can't tell you how many people have told me they know exactly what I'm going through because they lost a parent, or an aunt or cousin. No, they don't. And I can't say anything to them without being a jerk, but you all understand.

    I still feel empty and lost a lot - but sometimes I don't. So I try to be hopeful. I know Bill would want me to be strong and make a happy life for myself. I'm trying. That's what's so hard. It's bad enough that he's not here every day, but we were also planning our retirement - both were going to work another five years or so. We discussed moving somewhere warm, at least for the New York winters. Now I have to figure out that future for me, without him. It sucks.
    I have great family and friends around me, but I feel so alone.