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Shafted

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Mark K, Apr 6, 2020.

  1. Mark K

    Mark K New Member

    My name is Mark and I lost my beautiful wife Wendy on March 3rd. My wife was 49 and was fighting Triple Negative Breast Cacer. It seemed she just kept getting screwed every step of the way. Every time we were hopping for a little good news we were met with the reality of the worst case scenario. She couldn't catch a break. She went through hell the last 17 months, and I went through it with her, by her side, and my children went through it as they watched such a strong, lively caring, loving woman stripped of her life. In the end the cancer had metastasized all over including her lungs making it difficult for her to breathe. She was admitted to Sloan Kettering because of her breathing problems, and they told us there wasn't anything more they could do. I was devastated. As I drove home that night from the Hospital I made the decision to return to Wendy the next day with her parents and our three children. When we walked in Wendy was over the moon to see everyone, and she spent time with everyone individually to say Goodbye. We all laughed and cried, and when the end came I sat with her holding her hand, balling my eyes out, telling her she was the love of my life, and not to worry I would take care of our children. And then she passed.

    We would of been married 22 years in April. I am now 45 years old and completely in charge of raising our children. It breaks my heart that they dont have their mom anymore. Wendy took care of all the domestic issues, and I worked two jobs. That was our agreement when we decided to have children. I didnt want someone else raising my children, and let me tell you Wendy was phenomenal when it came to our children. The house is much quieter even with three children and all this social distancing. I am brokenhearted, and so are my children. I have very supportive friends and family, but it is no substitute for Wendy.
     
  2. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Mark,

    Mark and Wendy
    Your names even sound like they were meant for the each other.
    I’m not sure that I can respond to your post through my tears. I am very moved by your story. My wife, Janet, passed away 6 months ago on October 18th at Providence Hospice in Everett Washington of brain cancer.I am still traumatized from the loss. Although we were older, (85 and 73) I didn’t meet her until I was nearly 60, I was blessed with 25 years of bliss, married to the warmest, most remarkable, and bravest human being that I ever known.
    Mark, your Wendy displayed that same remarkable courage. I cry for, and with you, for this agonizing pain that has been forced on you.
    Please, stay in contact with us, here, on this forum.
    God bless you and your wonderful family.
    Bill
     
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Mark, I am so sorry for your loss! I feel your pain in the words you’ve written. This is something that you are never prepared for. Cancer is so unforgiving, and having to watch your loving wife Wendy suffer and fight is horrible. I am so sorry for you and your children living through this nightmare.
    You had to watch as your wife suffered, my loss was the total opposite. My husband of 41 years passed suddenly with my warning at all. Massive heart attack took my soul mate from me in 2 hours. We had a beautiful day together doing everyday things then after dinner we were watching tv, and at 9:30 he complained of a stomach ache shortly there after he was screaming in pain. It’s now his chest, I call 911 get him to the hospital and they couldn’t save him, at 11:34 I lost the love of my life on Nov 17, 2018. That’s the day my life changed forever. We also had decided he would work and I’d stay at homing with the children. When they started school I went back to work, Ron and I owned a business together. My children are grown and Ron and I worked together every day and had started planning retiring. After he passed I had to empty and close our business. Was a very emotional and difficult task. I’m now home alone all the time where before Ron and I were together 24/7. Life is lonely now.
    I’m sure you feel the loneliness, it’s crippling. You’ve come to right place, everyone here knows and understands the pain you’re feeling. The foggy brain, lack of sleep, we all e perience it. Nights are difficult for us all. Our partner is missing and it’s devastating. I’m glad you have support in family and friends, that’s a big help. It right now in this crisis we’re all dealing with things are harder. No in person visits or hugs, which are so important. The best thing you can do is stay in contact with your support people, take care of you, and keep your children close. There’s no magic to feeling less pain but time does help. As does sharing your story like you did and keep reading and sharing. For whatever er reason it does help.
    You will find people who understand and who are compassionate on here.
    My thoughts go out to you and your family. Wishing you better days ahead.
    Robin
     
  4. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Mark K,

    I am so sorry for your loss of Wendy. Cancer is so relentless. Nadine, my wife also passed from cancer.

    There are no good answers, when we lose the one we loved. What makes it even worse is our hopes are sometimes up and down as we wait for recovery. My own wife was on a transplant list 3 times until the cancer came back with a passion. It is not easy to face the coming loss of the mother of your children. I had two sons by Nadine, they took her loss hard.

    I agree, watching Wendy slowly give way to cancer is an awful image we don’t ever wish to remember. But, Wendy was with you over two decades. Through your love you brought three children into this world. Of course the most difficult thing will be guiding your children forward in life.

    This is where you lean on family and friends, to help you cope and to slowly help all of you to eventually get beyond your grief. It won’t be easy, it will take time and many tears and difficult decisions. Not just you, but all of your children will need guidance as well. Children, though resilient, are also fragile and keep so much pain inside them. So if you can seek counselling for all of you it would help enormously.

    Mark, my wife was the same till the end. She had such an acute mind. She knew everyone, even those from her past. Each person that came had their special time with her. I felt inadequate on how amazing a memory she had. During the last day, all who were in her room, saw a hospice nurse come into her room with a prayer and candle in her hands.

    She took the candle to the window, lit it, then came back to us all and read the prayer, the end of life prayers. All I can is, you couldn’t move, it was hard to breath and when it was finished tears were flowing freely in us all. When I realized she had taken her last breath I was standing by her beside. I kissed her and her sister hugged me. There is more but we all have our bittersweet memories.

    Mark, I hate the separation we all are now facing. There is no promise of what tomorrow will bring and we all do the best we can to make it through each day.

    Please just remember, Wendy will always be with you in spirit and try to share so many pleasant times with your children. It will take time. It won’t be easy. But, just remember Wendy and all she meant to all of you will be in your hearts and minds forever.

    As time passes, please talk as much as you wish. There are no limits, and speak freely and frankly. We will be here to listen. Peace be with you today.

    -david

    I hope you like this song


     
  5. Mark K

    Mark K New Member

    Thank you Bill for your kind words of support, and I am very sorry for your loss. You know first hand how unfair it is. Stay strong, and God bless you
     
  6. Mark K

    Mark K New Member

    Thank you Robin for your encouraging words , and I am sorry for your loss. God bless you. Mark
     
  7. Mark K

    Mark K New Member

    David, thank you for your words of encouragement. You too know how unfair cancer is, and I am truly sorry for your loss. God bless you. Mark