My husband died 3.5 months ago I've been off work since the day it happened. My husband and I were in a very good place financially. In fact this year I was going to move from working full-time at a job but I cannot stand, to working part-time or volunteering. Obviously with his passing that has all changed. I am returning to work which is a toxic environment, but paid quite well. Part of me is ready to get back to routine of working, the other part of me can barely drag my ass out of bed most days. I drinking and substance abuse has accelerated Beyond normal amounts. I never was a user much before, however now I find it numbs me and gives me the energy to get shit done during the day. I feel very lost and sad because I'm usually a very strong individual and this is wrecked me to my very core. I don't know whether to stay or go from this town...... I don't know what to do in general, he was everything I don't know how strong I am without him.
Medapa, I am so sorry for you loss. My hubby died in March this year. I can relate to the work issue. My hubby and I are both teachers, and when we came back to the USA we got substitute teaching jobs. Now I can't stand substitute teaching, we both subbed together and for the same school district. It's too painful for me to go to the schools. I worry about melting down in class. We worked as international teachers for many years. Now my career causes me intense pain, my hubby and I were always together. I understand the drinking to numb the pain. I believe our heart and gut tells us what we need to do to carry the grief and the love of our husbands. It's ok not to be ok. I am looking to change my job to having my own after school classes where I have more say over what I teach, how many students etc. It won't cure the pain I feel everyday but it will aleviate a little of my anxiety and suffering. And it's what my hubby wanted me to do even before he died. I hear your pain and my heart goes out to you.
