I know I am so grieving, a dainty dearness and the plans we had 4 the future. Somehow I felt that this is it for me. I do not want to go through this again. But who really knows what's in anyone's future? I know I don't but as I understand, God takes care of our needs and knows what we need.
I have not stopped crying all morning. It’s been 15 weeks since Mary died. There is no purpose for me in this life. I’m a burden to my son, other family lives hundreds of miles away and I never hear from them. I do not believe that God put me on this earth so I could mourn. My soul purpose, the way I see it, is to keep the house clean. What kind of life is that? There is no joy, no pleasure, just loneliness and sorrow. There’s nothing left. All of our dreams are gone. The memories that I have hurt so bad because she cannot enjoy them with me.
This is a question I continually face. I thought my purpose was to raise a family. When I found out that we couldn't have children, I decided my purpose was to just enjoy life as the two of us and our dogs. We could travel, work hard, play hard, and just enjoy being in love. 2 months later he was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer and my purpose was to help him fight this battle. 2 years later, and 3 weeks without him, now my purpose seems to be faking normalcy until I can cry alone in his closet. It's a strange road we walk. But I know he wouldn't want me to give up. His strength is my inspiration. I talk to him, asked him what to do, and it felt clear as day that I should finish what we started in remodeling our 1970's house. SO that's my goal, not my purpose, but when that's done, in a couple years, I'll ask again and we'll see. Good ole Bill Murray baby steps. I wish you peace and love on your journey.
You can go on and you must. Everyone has a purpose, even those of us left grieving the loss of our loved one.
Sorry for your loss I know the loneliness it's been 9 months since I lost my husband of 41 years feels like a bad dream and with his birthday coming up on july 21 am already feeling the pain have cried everyday since October 5th
I appreciate what everybody has shared on this topic. I see snippets from each of them that I have experienced since my Ted went to sleep on July 28th a year ago. He had wanted to see what a snow would look like at our vacation farm so I spent those winter months there 'for both of us'. I still enjoyed our pond scene that is like a picture one would expect to see on an old western movie. I managed to handle all the business that needed attention which took most of the days for a while. Things were surreal for me until I was snowed in there with cat and dog with no power or way to get out of the driveway. I then succumbed to a case of shingles at age 62. So I packed us up and went home. I had so dreaded going home but it was very much a relief to be back where all our things were. Like many of you, I then questioned why I doing things. I marveled at just how many more waves of tears could possibly be left. I think I have gone a couple of weeks now but my problem is that I don't know how to spend time at the farm without him. He is buried on the property on the mountain beside a cemetery. That seems to be the only good spot of the whole place to me. So, I continue in limbo and just go there to collect mail and maintenance. I suppose it would be no kind of life to keep doing this but it is what it is. In some ways, it's kind of nice to realize I can do things different such as get groceries at night, leave folded laundry on the laundry table, sleep in the den, and frankly wait on God for a purpose. I am not willing to worry about next week. I am going to only do this week! Thanks again, so much. Prayers....
