It has been eight weeks since my beloved wife Mary died. It seems like only yesterday we were in hospice but yet it seems like for ever sense she died. The days are so long and lonely. We were together for almost 50 years and married for almost 47. Each day has been so difficult. Lately a question has been at the forefront of my grief every day. What is the purpose of my existence? I cry some every day. Today is one of those days that I have cried a lot. I wondered why I’m making the bed, why am I washing dishes, why am I here without her? This is not taking my mind off of all the issues of daily life, so I decided to do some yardwork. I was crying before I went out and then I was crying harder when I came back in. Why did I even go outside to make the yard look pretty? Why do I have this house and yard that used to be at home, but without Mary it’s not? Why should I bother going to work? All I do at work is think about her and how I would like to just talk to her! Why am I here without her !!!!! ?????