Please Help.

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Kathleen, Aug 19, 2016.

  1. Kathleen

    Kathleen New Member

    My name is Kathleen and my father passed away in June of a sudden heart attack. I was in Ireland at the time, studying abroad. I am the oldest of 4, at 20 years old. No one is doing well. I feel like I have lost something so fundamental. I am so changed and overwhelmed and this wan’t suppose to happen. Ireland was suppose to be the best time of my life and now it is tinged with this unbearable grief. I don’t know what I need. I don’t know what to look for. I’ve never been incredibly religious but God doesn’t give me comfort. I mean how many people die a day? How many awful atrocities have human kind committed against each other since the dawn of time? There are genocides and disease and so much hate. How could any God see that and let it be. How can anyone just watch and be like, well I gave them free will they can do what they want? And I’ve read the Bible, I’ve analyzed the Book of Job back and forth. I’ve never been a believer in karma and I know bad things happen to good people and that we can’t hop to ever understand who, or what, or why God is or was, but I can’t help but ask why? What good reason? My dad was 50 years old. Why is there so much pain in this world? Insurmountable pain that I’m sure I can’t even imagine. There is so much suffering in the world, even on this website. A part of me has died with my father. I am lackluster, and moody and exhausted. People rely on me to do things. I am a go-getter. I am responsible. But it feels as though all my passion has been drained. I’ve gone limp. And I can’t write anything that isn’t about him. I am a writer and I can’t tell stories. I can’t write fiction because reality has chewed me up and spit me out. And I can’t do the things I used to be able to? I’m not reliable anymore. And I don’t know what I’m looking for. I don’t know what I need but I need something. I need him but he’s not here. And I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have some words of wisdom? A glimmer of hope? I’m trying a therapist but I don’t know. And I need help and I’m sorry for this disjointed rant I just felt I needed to write something. Please.
    Angelita likes this.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Kathleen, welcome to our site and thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry for your loss and the feelings of helplessness you've expressed. You are still in the very early days of such a very new loss. And while all losses are hard (sudden loss vs. losing a loved one to a long illness) there's no denying that losing a loved one suddenly gives you no time to emotionally prepare. I think all of us have our lives laid out in our minds, what our future looks like and what's supposed to happen next. Not only do we have these plans, but we have the people in our lives who are supposed to be a part of them for years to come. Losing your father has changed everything you thought about your life--what it is now, what it is supposed to be--and it has happened in an instant. It will take you time to adjust to what's happened and to relearn this new life that you never asked for and never wanted.
    Please read our blog post on the "Signs and Symptoms of Grief". It's for people in the very early stages of grieving and based on what you've said above, I think you'll find there's a lot there you can relate to.
    In the meanwhile, do a search for others and try to reach out to those who can understand. On our site, you have the opportunity to do a specific search for someone who is not only grieving but grieving the kind of loss you are going through. You can find that under "Make a Connection" and then "Find Others Who are Grieving". When you enter the criteria that is important to you, it will create a list of all current members who are a match. We are a new site and we are building our membership very quickly. Every day people from around the country are coming here to find connections. There are people here who understand and will allow you to feel validated and heard. If you have any questions, please feel free to message me. I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm so glad that you are here and looking for help. I hope you find the support and comfort you need. All my best....
    LouiseP57 and Kathleen like this.
  3. rachael

    rachael New Member

    Hi Kathleen,

    I went through (and still am, always will be I suppose) something similar to what happened to you. I lost my mother suddenly when I was a child and to this day I still sometimes find myself asking God the same thing, why in the world would he do something like this to me, to my family?

    But in order to begin to cope, we have to think of it like this: you're completely correct. The world is an awful place filled with awful people and awful things. Your father and my mother were taken away by God to protect them from this awful world, to free them and bring them to a (I know it sounds cliche) better place.

    With time, it will start to get easier. That I can promise you. There will always be hard days, but your father will also always be with you in your memories and in your heart.

    I hope this helped a bit,
    Kathleen likes this.