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Please Help.

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Kathleen, Aug 19, 2016.

  1. Kathleen

    Kathleen New Member

    My name is Kathleen and my father passed away in June of a sudden heart attack. I was in Ireland at the time, studying abroad. I am the oldest of 4, at 20 years old. No one is doing well. I feel like I have lost something so fundamental. I am so changed and overwhelmed and this wan’t suppose to happen. Ireland was suppose to be the best time of my life and now it is tinged with this unbearable grief. I don’t know what I need. I don’t know what to look for. I’ve never been incredibly religious but God doesn’t give me comfort. I mean how many people die a day? How many awful atrocities have human kind committed against each other since the dawn of time? There are genocides and disease and so much hate. How could any God see that and let it be. How can anyone just watch and be like, well I gave them free will they can do what they want? And I’ve read the Bible, I’ve analyzed the Book of Job back and forth. I’ve never been a believer in karma and I know bad things happen to good people and that we can’t hop to ever understand who, or what, or why God is or was, but I can’t help but ask why? What good reason? My dad was 50 years old. Why is there so much pain in this world? Insurmountable pain that I’m sure I can’t even imagine. There is so much suffering in the world, even on this website. A part of me has died with my father. I am lackluster, and moody and exhausted. People rely on me to do things. I am a go-getter. I am responsible. But it feels as though all my passion has been drained. I’ve gone limp. And I can’t write anything that isn’t about him. I am a writer and I can’t tell stories. I can’t write fiction because reality has chewed me up and spit me out. And I can’t do the things I used to be able to? I’m not reliable anymore. And I don’t know what I’m looking for. I don’t know what I need but I need something. I need him but he’s not here. And I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have some words of wisdom? A glimmer of hope? I’m trying a therapist but I don’t know. And I need help and I’m sorry for this disjointed rant I just felt I needed to write something. Please.
     
    Angelita likes this.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Kathleen, welcome to our site and thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry for your loss and the feelings of helplessness you've expressed. You are still in the very early days of such a very new loss. And while all losses are hard (sudden loss vs. losing a loved one to a long illness) there's no denying that losing a loved one suddenly gives you no time to emotionally prepare. I think all of us have our lives laid out in our minds, what our future looks like and what's supposed to happen next. Not only do we have these plans, but we have the people in our lives who are supposed to be a part of them for years to come. Losing your father has changed everything you thought about your life--what it is now, what it is supposed to be--and it has happened in an instant. It will take you time to adjust to what's happened and to relearn this new life that you never asked for and never wanted.
    Please read our blog post on the "Signs and Symptoms of Grief". It's for people in the very early stages of grieving and based on what you've said above, I think you'll find there's a lot there you can relate to.
    In the meanwhile, do a search for others and try to reach out to those who can understand. On our site, you have the opportunity to do a specific search for someone who is not only grieving but grieving the kind of loss you are going through. You can find that under "Make a Connection" and then "Find Others Who are Grieving". When you enter the criteria that is important to you, it will create a list of all current members who are a match. We are a new site and we are building our membership very quickly. Every day people from around the country are coming here to find connections. There are people here who understand and will allow you to feel validated and heard. If you have any questions, please feel free to message me. I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm so glad that you are here and looking for help. I hope you find the support and comfort you need. All my best....
     
    LouiseP57 and Kathleen like this.
  3. rachael

    rachael New Member

    Hi Kathleen,

    I went through (and still am, always will be I suppose) something similar to what happened to you. I lost my mother suddenly when I was a child and to this day I still sometimes find myself asking God the same thing, why in the world would he do something like this to me, to my family?

    But in order to begin to cope, we have to think of it like this: you're completely correct. The world is an awful place filled with awful people and awful things. Your father and my mother were taken away by God to protect them from this awful world, to free them and bring them to a (I know it sounds cliche) better place.

    With time, it will start to get easier. That I can promise you. There will always be hard days, but your father will also always be with you in your memories and in your heart.

    I hope this helped a bit,
    Rachael
     
    Kathleen likes this.
  4. Vsharma

    Vsharma Member

    I also keep asking same questions
    Why there is so much pain, suffering, illness in this world.
    Why bad things happen to good people?
    If there is God how can he let it happen?
    I lost my young brother 26 year who was like an angel and wanted to live
    I am a dr and I hv always tried to help people with my treatment and best of my ability
    I couldn't help my own brother.
    I asked help from God he also didn't help me.
    I am clueless now.
    This pain inside me is so unbearble
     
  5. YaYaJul

    YaYaJul New Member

    Kathleen I am truly so sorry for the loss of your Father. My Mother died so I understand the massive impact of a loss of a parent. You don't get over it, but you do move on with your grief. In times when I have struggled, I have done some acts of kindness on behalf of my Mom. Your Dad would not want you being unhappy. You honor him by sharing his stories. I write as well. I get not having the words right now. Be patient with yourself, your words will come. Sending you a big hug.
     
  6. Cherie9742

    Cherie9742 New Member

     
  7. Cherie9742

    Cherie9742 New Member

    I'm struggling with telling my daughter that her grandmother had a stroke and died . She will be home Friday. Did you struggle being alone without family abroad when you were told the news? Would you have wanted to be with your family when notified of your loss?
    My post below


    My mom had a massive stroke last week...yesterday she was pronounce clinically brain dead and I took her off life support...

    My daughter is in another country on a military mission until this Friday ...I have chose to not tell her until she arrives back home Friday so I can be there to help support her.

    I can't imagine her going through this alone. Her knowing last week that it happened or that she passed yesterday...changes nothing... Am I wrong to wait till Friday when she's home and I can be there for her????
     
  8. Ereed

    Ereed New Member

     
  9. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

     
  10. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Hi, Kathleen. I am sorry about the loss of your father. I know it has been awhile since you posted, but I just now saw it.
    You ask many questions. I would like to reassure you that this is not the end of the story. The judgment for all the evils you mentioned will come at the end of this age and the beginning of a new age and new way of doing things.
    You asked, "Why? What good reason? How can God watch and stand by?" God gave mankind a choice in the beginning in the Garden of Eden to either choose the tree of life and live a life of giving, peace, plenty, and obedience and reverence for God, or to choose the other tree, the tree of death, which represents choosing our own way of doing things such as getting instead of giving and a disrespect for God's authority. He told them the consequence of choosing that last tree would be death, but they thought God was trying to keep something good from them and that they knew better than their Creator. That is why we are suffering and grieving now. It was the choice made by mankind, not God. God wanted them to choose the Tree of Life so they and we would never have to suffer the loss of someone we love. But God had a plan when they made a bad choice He came to earth as the man, Jesus Christ. Instead of getting what we earned, which was eternal death, Jesus took our punishment at the cross so we could be forgiven and gain back our fellowship with God and eternal life. Jesus said, "I have come that you might have life (not death) and that you might have life more abundantly".
    So we are still given the choice whether to follow God or whether to reject Him because we think we know better than God what should happen, how it should happen, and when it should happen. This is a testing time to show mankind that man does not know better than God and that we cannot successfully rule ourselves. When Jesus returns He will set up His Kingdom here on earth and you can believe that then there will be no more evil, suffering, pain, or needs. God will be the light of the city and no evil will be allowed.