Panic and dating

Discussion in 'Dating Again After the Loss of a Spouse/Partner' started by Allan, Jun 5, 2020.

  1. Allan

    Allan New Member

    Hi, I'm new here, I lost my wife two months ago and the pain is tremendous. I thought of dating and whilst it did ease the pain, it brought other horrible feelings such as betrayal and panic. I met someone online, who wanted to meet after 2 days (let alone the lockdown making that illegal) and I panicked and backed off.
    I do know I have to go out into the world again soon, and would love a partner who perhaps was at first a friend for theatre or coffee. I don't really know how to commence. Am I being too quick and trying to mask the pain, or should I try and rebuild a shattered life.
    Whilst I have great support from my side of the family, it was a second marriage and hers have just dropped me. Her friends were good support, but they were all girlfriends, and you just get forgotten when everyone moves on with their own lives.
    Kata likes this.
  2. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Hello Allan. So sorry for your loss. Grief is a complicated road we are travelling. My husband died Oct 11/19 so it is 8 months for me. I find I have gone through many phases and what we are feeling one month can change completely the next.

    You are right to think of going slowly. I have not been ready to see anyone new yet. I feel I owe it to a new partner to be doing ok before forming a new relationship. Don't want to ever "use" someone to cure my loneliness. Also if it didn't work out it would be so difficult. Time will show me the way I am hoping.

    Try getting out (as best we can with Covid) to a new activity. I took an acting class at about 4 months in and it was so good for me. Gave me a time of socializing without any obligations and a time to forget for a couple of hours and laugh.

    Take care.
    Kata likes this.