One year without him

Ok I am asking for help and understanding. April 22 will be my husband and I first anniversary since the loss of my husband With this covid going around I’m not able to be around friends and family. Not sure how I am going to handle being alone. Also May 3 rd will be one year from his death. So much going on in this world right now and I don’t know how to handle these two dates without family and friends around me. Any suggestions?

 

Hi Kriss
I really feel for you and understand your feelings of loneliness.
One week from tomorrow marks six months since my Janet passed from brain cancer.
Have you made any friends on this site who can be of any help? Someone who you can talk to comfortably ? I have a good friend from this site that I have reached out to on similar situations and she has been a huge help. If you have no one, please reach out to me.
I’ll do my best to help. At least you would be talking to someone who understands and cares. God Bless You.
Bill

 

Thanks Bill. I haven’t really connected to anyone in particular. Just random people. Just wish I knew how to handle this. I have been known to be really depressed and down. I need people around me. It’s not going to be easy.

 

When things get tough, please contact me. Sometimes just talking about it helps, and I’ve been told I’m a good listener. I’m so sorry that you’re having such a tough time. I do understand, and want to help if I can.
Hoping you get some peace.
Bill

 

Kris, I am so sorry you have these important and emotional dates coming up while we’re going through this health crisis. I seriously feel bad for you. I lost my husband suddenly to a massive heart attack. He had no warning signs we thought he was healthy. He had stomach virus symptoms that started at 9:30pm at 11:34pm he lost his fight and I lost the love of my life.
On 11/17/19 it was one year and I had a few friends and family over, we had some of Ron’s favorite food and released biodegradable balloons. But you can’t do any of that because of this pandemic. I feel so bad for you.
I do have two thoughts of which I’ve done both. For Ron’s first birthday after he passed I started a group text asking family and friends to share a favorite memory they had about Ron. It went so well, everyone enjoyed all the stories and I added pictures and it definitely helped me through the day. The second idea is a site that I’ve used to make a memorial to honor my husband. You can add pictures and music and share it with friends and family. The site is muchloved.com, people can add comments and light a candle. It’s pretty nice. Sadly you’ll still be alone but you’ll be honoring your husband. You could also ask family and friends to drive to your house but keep a distance, chat from your driveway while you stay close to your house. I’m sure you’ll figure something out so you have support and honor your husband on those dates.
Our life is difficult enough with the lost of our loved ones and now we have the stay at home and social distancing going on on top of it. Torture
Robin

 

Kriss,

Being alone not able to reach out to others during our time of sorrow is one of immense hardship. Anniversaries are extremely tough for all of us. It brings memories rushing back of the one we loved in life so much.

Loss means something different to each one of us, even when we have family. As an adult we lost our mate, as a child, we lost our parent, as a sibling - you can see it keeps going on and on. So when we talk to another, it is not just one that is so personal, the loss was ours, it meant so much to us.

Sure I live with my sons, but it just was not the same. When we talk we talk through and around each other. So I needed to find a way to reach out to others who had also lost a mate in life. There are so many broken hearts. Lost souls who are trying to find a way to cope with what we can’t share no more, our mutual love for one another.

For the longest time I could not move beyond my loss. It was as if my emotions were always strong. Tears were never a problem, it would not take much to start crying. So I searched the internet and finally came across this site. I read so many past posts by others who were also asking for help to find a way forward in life.

While each of us are so different, and we might grieve in our own way, those tears are precious; they are our cry for help. So I made my first post, after more than 4 years after my wife’s death. I had truly never found a way to heal inside.

Just before I did that, earlier in the year, in July, around my wife’s birthday I had a dream. I remembered the dream. It was of a spirit all in white laying on my chest. I felt comforted by knowing. So I finally made my first post. I started to talk of what the passing of my wife had meant to me. Before I knew it, others joined in, and offered words of encouragement - very helpful indeed.

Special dates will always be vivid in our minds. We each will remember why those dates mean so much to us all. I know on these dates I would cry, but I would also remember - all the good.

It would be a time to find a way to celebrate what I once had in life. These dates are so personal to each of us. They affect us deeply. So please never forget, and bring back those wonderful memories you had in life with him. Sure it will be emotional, but with loving feelings.

When I get sad, I look for ways to bring back the past. I browse through all the memories with my wife. Sure my eyes are moist, but so what, it is a time that we will always remember with the utmost of feelings inside.

I hope you will continue to talk. Sharing the past with others is hard but also helpful to everyone. Peace be with you today and the days that follow.

-david

When we remember

 

Thanks everyone who has responded. I went to bed last night in tears knowing so many people have reached out to me but yet my own siblings can’t seem to reach out. I am so blessed to be able to come to this site and let me feelings go. I so miss him. I just can’t seem to let go. I am a very emotional and depressed person who is counseling with that. This solitude time and anniversary time are really hurting. I really need the human contact and the human hug and shoulder to cry on by who or what I’m not sure but I feel like if I could just find that one person and really let it all out maybe I could begin to take one step forward I feel like I am going backwards. In these next few weeks all I can think about is what I was doing a year ago at this time. Sorry guys but life SUCKS

 

Please Kriss, No need for apologies. We’re living through a time no one has ever experienced before, this is rough for people who haven’t lost their spouse or loved one. This is an unchartered crisis. I can share that as the one year anniversary approached for me I was feeling terribly negative terribly down, I’m afraid that lasted a long time. I think I was just starting to feel some better then this situation hit. My one year was 11/17/18. I was hoping as I embarked on the second year I’d feel some better, but it’s been just the opposite. I’ve been feeling worse, it’s like, ok Ron come home it’s been too long. All I can say is this is a process that takes time, very bumpy road and no one knows when the bumps will hit hardest. I have realized this site and the community of people have helped me emensely.
I’m sorry your siblings aren’t reaching out I have that too, I’ve actually cut my sister out of my life for now, she said such cruel things to me, she was judging me and I asked her to admit that is what she was doing and we’ll be ok. Instead she told me I was a horrible sister, this happened 6 months after Ron passed. But in some ways, I try to realize that my siblings have no clue what this feels like and don’t know what to say, they don’t understand. It’s not rocket science though. Common sense tells you losing your spouse is life changing and so painful. This past week my younger brother started reaching out, he made a social distance visit, stayed in the driveway I was on my front steps and we had a nice 1/2 visit. Sure I would have loved a hug, I need a hug, but he made the effort and last night he dropped off quite a few face masks. He also started texting me. I’m like, is this a dream, cause he checked on me a few times during the year,but not often.
I can feel that you’re in pain, and I know this health crisis is making things so much worse for us all. There’s people on here who just lost someone and they can’t get in house support at all, I feel so bad for them. This is horrible. All I can say is to keep posting keep sharing hour feelings and keep reading. I’m in NY and we’ve had some terrible weather making it feel even more dreary. Wouldn’t it be nice to feel some warm sun, warmer weather.
We’re here for you! Hugs!
Robin

 

This horrible life that has been thrust on us truly does SUCK!!!! None of us wished for this painful burden. But here we are, trying to unravel some semblance of a “normal life”from utter chaos and misery. Our lives will never again be the same. All we can do is to find a way to not have our existence filled with misery. Easier said than done.
Personally, I find that trying to keep busy is helpful. I find great solace in music, even though it often brings tears.
Those things seem to hone back some of the sharper edges of my grief. Our lives will never be the same, but different, as we experience new things and life goes on.

 

Well today is the day before my anniversary without my husband. I followed one of the ideas you had. I sent each of my sisters a text and asked them to think about it and tomorrow send me a text or email or message about one good or silly memory theynhad Of my husband Rich. Could be interesting since none of them probably said more then ten words to him the whole time we were married. We will see. I sit here today in tears. I can remember every exact minute of what I was doing the day before our wedding. Tomorrow oughta be unbearable. I do have a telephone counseling appointment early in the morning. Hope that helps me relax to start the day. Thanks for the idea and thoughts.

 

God Bless You. My thoughts and Prayers are with you.

 

Kriss,
I really hope your sisters come through for you. How many years were you married? I know the first anniversary after Ron passed was very difficult for me. He had been researching cruises for us to take on that anniversary, I saw on his phone. It’ll be our second anniversary since he passed on June 4, the date we first met is May 26.
I’m glad you have a phone counseling appointment set for tomorrow. Every day is hard but days that used to be so special really hit hard.
Life feels unfair, I’m tired of carrying the weight on my shoulders cause I’m in so much pain. I know you are too.
We’re here for you! ❤️

 

Speak to your family to be with you virtually. Let them know that you need them, as they will appreciate it for sure - you seeking out. Remember, "you are not alone in this battle." Be Strong.

 

Kriss,

I hope you do well today on your anniversary. I know as we pass through time with our thoughts, some days are more significant than others and are so hard to move beyond in our time with sorrow. Just realize others know you're going through a rough time, but we all are hoping for the best for you today.

Since this isolation and loss of wife my step-brother and two sisters have talked with me each day. Sometimes it is just foolish things, but overall it makes me feel so much inside. They know I have an absence, as you do, and their companionship on the phone helps so much. So when those troubling days are hard to face, reach out to whoever your heart will allow, and if it also here we will grab your hand and give you our best wishes for you in your time of sorrow.

Kriss those are precious tears, they were earned in life for the love for him. I will say a prayer for you today. My best wishes for you today. Peace be with you.

-david

I found this song for you

 

We had just celebrated our 30 th anniversary a week before he passed

 

I’m so sorry! Praying for you today! Hope your family comes through for you.
We’re here for you.
Robin

 

Thank you for the beautiful song. I loved it.

 

Kriss,

You are most welcome. Peace be with you today.

-david

 

I understand how u are feeling. Today would of been my husbands 60th birthday and this is the first birthday we are separated Fromm each other. It’s horrible torture not to be with the one you love.i just hope he knows that I love him so very much still and always will. My heart is broken in two.

 

I wish you a "Good day!" Put a make up and dress up. Make him proud! Sharing my husband's last words, "Don't be sad, instead, be happy as I will be IN YOU." Hugs from the other side of the world. Be Strong.