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Not sure what to write in this box???

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Sonia Kobrin, Dec 20, 2018.

  1. Sonia Kobrin

    Sonia Kobrin Member

    Hi,my name is Sonia. I'm very new to this. My husband of 53 years died in June after a long illness. I thought I was doing well until I started developing many GI problems. At first I did not want to believe it was stress since I did well for over a year caring for my husband. Once I recognized caring for him was different than dealing with his death the GI symptoms have improved. Now I'm dealing at times with free floating anxiety. My daughter-in-law told me this type of group may be benificial. I hope so.
     
    griefic likes this.
  2. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for your loss. I have found this group beneficial to me. I lost my husband of 31 years in January 2018. It's been a tough year.
    Welcome
     
    griefic likes this.
  3. Sonia Kobrin

    Sonia Kobrin Member

    Thank you for responding. I find the first time I'm doing something without my husband is difficult. I nearly had a meltdown buying the Thanksgiving turkey.
     
  4. ksteve

    ksteve Active Member

    Sonia, I'm also new at this (my wife went to heaven on 11/12/18). We fought cancer and actually made it through a stem cell transplant and thought we on the road to recovery. Unfortunately, she relapsed mid October and passed away 30 days later. She had leukemia and the odds were not very good but we kept moving forward. I can relate to the caregiver role being different. You wear so many different hats and the "battle" keeps you focused. I handled everything like a champ including her passing. Now reality has set in as I realize she is gone and not coming back. The days seem so long (I'm retired) and I keep asking God what my purpose in life is - I'm still waiting for an answer. When I read stories like yours it at least gives me some comfort that somebody out there understands my feelings and what I'm going through. I understand how your feeling and if i could give you and everyone on the board a big hug, I would. If I have learned anything, its let your emotions out. Yea, I talk to myself and my wife quite a bit. I don't know where this journey leads us but we need to make the most out of it - your spouse would want it that way.
     
  5. Sonia Kobrin

    Sonia Kobrin Member

    Thank you to the people who have replied to my post. It is good knowing that so may of us are not alone in our grief. At this point I don't know if this site helps but I will stay with it for a while. My husband was diagnosed with stage four stomach cancer in December of 2016. He did very well initially, was even in remission. He developed shingles in his head in Oct., 2017 and it was downhill from there. He was hospitalized due to viral encephalitis and then in rehab for approximately 3 months. After this there were numerous hospitalizations and rehab. When he was in the hospital and rehab he could not receive chemo. The cancer returned. The day he resumed chemo he was in good spirits, joking with the nurses. The next day he saw his primary he told him considering all he'd been thru he was doing great. The next day he was in pain, told me to call 911. By the time I arrived at the hospital he greeted me and then lost consciousness. I've resumed many activities which feels good but at times I feel like there is a hole in my heart. If anyone can explain a little more about this site I would appreciate it. All the options have me a little confused. Thank you all for reading and responding
     
  6. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel, I had a huge melt down when I couldn't get a jar of sauce open. Sometimes you just don't know what will set you off.
     
  7. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry about the loss of your husband. It is not uncommon to have health changes when going from caregiving to grieving. I think a lot of people also have those moments when seemingly little things will set us off. I hope this site is helpful.
     
    Sonas likes this.
  8. Sonas

    Sonas New Member

    Sonia,
    I've found that there's no better way to grieve than with others going through the same thing. I feel detached from so many family and friends because they haven't been through anything like it. Get in a grief share group or a hospice grief group. I've met friends that assure me that the anxiety, loneliness, forgetfulness, and mood swings are completely normal. It's always nice to know that you're not going insane.
     
    Mary0128 and griefic like this.
  9. JD630

    JD630 Member

    So sorry for your loss. I nearly had a meltdown in the store before my wife passed--she had terminal cancer but our anniversary was coming up and wanted to get her a card. They don't make many anniversary cards for dying spouses, I was so choked up I couldn't even talk to the check out lady. She must have thought I was nuts being choked up buying an anniversary card. It has been a while since that happened, and I kinda smile about it now, but it sure hurt at the time. It will get better for you.