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Nobody wants to hear this but...

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by Saintgrl74, Mar 20, 2019.

  1. Saintgrl74

    Saintgrl74 Active Member

    I’m in such a horrible mood today. Nobody wants to really hear that five months after my husband has died. They want to see me getting back to my old self. February was tough, then I was better. Today I’m just getting by. I’m listening to my 8 year old son arguing and giggling with his friend. It’s awful that I’m annoyed. But I’m annoyed. Sound is annoying. I have laundry to do. Trash to take out. Dishes to do. No one helped walk the dog today. This just me complaining about life.
    Saturday was 5 months since my husband died. The autopsy report is still not finished so all I know is he died in his sleep in a motel. I have no idea why or what he was doing there. No answers. Today is cold a rainy. It’s just a bad day.
  2. LMMw

    LMMw New Member

    I am sorry for your loss. I lost my older brother about a year ago. Some days are not good days, most days are not good to be honest.
    I am sorry that some things in your life feel frustrating, I think it is ok that they do. Grief is such a complex thing!
    When my brother died, the autopsy also took a long time. Waiting was hard. Whether it is from this online community, your family, or friends, I hope you have support during this difficult time.
    Saintgrl74 likes this.
  3. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    I understand what you mean by horrible days. I lost my mom a month ago. She developed cancer and I missed all the signs. I was at her one month passing with all of my cousins and they are sitting there watching videos of the family and laughing. I'm in a corner crying. I ruined the time I should have enjoyed and ruined there evening. I can enter somewhere happy and god knows what is said or I see and I just loose it. I know what you mean about complaining about life. My husband and I are also separated and we now see each other less and less. I also don't have a job or children. Everyday it just seems like I'm alone here with my dog.
    patricia k and Saintgrl74 like this.
  4. Saintgrl74

    Saintgrl74 Active Member

    Yep today was a tough day too. My husband’s brother was celebrating his sobriety anniversary. I avoided his call on purpose. It was pretty petty. I’m full of resentment today. I just can’t celebrate today. My husband is dead. I was up late with a sick kid that I’m parenting alone. I’m not in the mood to congratulate him this year and make him feel better with some conversation about my husband. Nope. Not today. I’m sad. And stressed and tired. And I feel like I’m being used a lot lately. Nope. Not today. Even if it’s petty. I just don’t have it today.
    Purpleflower likes this.
  5. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    On my mom's one month anniversary of passing, all of the cousin's met to watch videos. I do not know what set me off.....something petty also. Cried the whole time, ruined it for myself and everyone else. I know I should not have gone but everyone kept telling me how it would make me feel better. It didn't. I was being surrounded by people that say they love me but not one ever picked up the phone to call me after mom died. The one that did is under so much stress and every time I see her I'm under stress and we are the closest and now are not even talking. I hope your child feels better. I hope you feel better today.
    Destinee likes this.
  6. Aude

    Aude Member

    Why is grieving like this? One day or hour or minute I’m feeling stronger and the next day/minute/ hour my head is throbbing and I’m weeping? How do people hold a job in this situation? I’m supposed to go for a job interview Friday and I really, truly hope I can keep it together. I feel like I can maybe go into robot mode, but I think people can sense that and how can I hide it?

  7. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    I know what you are feeling. I left my job because mom needed me. I have been applying for jobs, fortunately you got a call. My best advise would be to get your outfit together, get a good meal in your tummy, get a great night's sleep. Find all cover up make-up for the swollen eyes. And, if they ask you a question, try not to loose it but, if you do, be very honest. Tell them I have just gone through a loss in my life. I applied for this job PRIOR to the loss. My qualifications are what you need and I feel that I can perform my job without letting my situation affect my performance. Then after a good day you will smile. After a bad day, you will get the cry out. I wish and hope you get the job. Please let me know
    Tamika7 likes this.
  8. Aude

    Aude Member

    Karen, you are amazing and wonderful. Thanks for the uplift.
  9. Imgsm

    Imgsm New Member

    I lost my husband on December 15, 2018 to cancer. I just can’t get past his death all I want to do is cry. Three weeks ago the principal at the local high school called and ask if I would serve as secretary there as that’s what I did before I retired. I told him no was not interested I was grieving for my husband and didn’t want to be bothered. He begged me for five minutes and finally I said yes I would do it. Looking back now, it’s the best thing I have done lately for myself. I get up in the morning get dressedI finished my morning routine to get to work. It has kept my mind off my grief and my sorrow and I am mingling with people again. I’m sleeping better at night and eating better also. I still cry all night some nights but I think this job has really helped me get back on the right track. If you have an opportunity to take a job do so.
  10. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    Please let us know how you make out.
  11. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    I had a contract job I loved that ended in October 2018. I took another job after that with strange hours and awful (cold) management. I left because my mom got so sick. I am looking for work now even though I am retired. I also feel I need the routine to help me deal with the grief. I just don't want to take anything but a job that makes me feel needed and appreciated. When you loose a loved one that loved and needed you so much, to be needed again and truly NEEDED and RESPECTED, makes it easier. Right now, I am trying to make organizing my life and home my job. Some days good, some not. I am very happy for you. So nice to be needed.
  12. Aude

    Aude Member

    Well, I got the job and I start later this week. I think it will not be easy but it will ultimately help me get back into some type of routine. My grief is actually getting worse rather than better. It’s like it’s really sinking in that it’s forever. Maybe that’s just how grief is.
    Destinee likes this.
  13. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    I am glad you got the job. No, it will not be easy. It will help with companionship during part of the day.
  14. Gran

    Gran Member

  15. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Hello Saintgrl,
    I wish none of this happened to any of us. Your mind is always doing at least 90 mph with a few hundred questions and you are so tired of not enough answers.

    Sadly I lost my wife of 1 yr 2months and 16 days to a frigging bad case of pneumonia with sepsis.

    Sofia and I were planning on going back to our honeymoon place and more picnics. I am just getting over the stage of denial.

    I am disgustificated I can not talk to most of family. Such dyed in the wool catholic thing that if I am sad and not positive it is due to Satan, like I need to hear that?

    I am into a personal thing with God.
    I don't talk religion with anyone but God and I ask that he grant me some peace of mind and good sleep as well and it works. Good sleep can help you feel better and though you might not feel like eating, try to eat 1 balanced meal a day.
  16. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    I don't know what to say but the fact I am thinking of you...…...
  17. KarenP

    KarenP Active Member

    Lost my temper a few weeks ago to my cousins/family. Talked to my brother and cousin, my closest, and they asked "What would YOU like to do?". My birthday is 1 week after mother's day. I am okay with not having children, I am dealing with not having my mom, I am dealing with the fact that I don't have a job, I am dealing with the fact that me (separated) husband keeps bringing me down......what I can not deal with is people telling me what would make me happy. I don't want to go out to eat (unless you are paying), I don't want to go hear a band or go see a play...….if you truly care......come over here and mow the LAWN!!!!!!!!!
  18. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    Karen...You sound like me! I hate it when people tell me what I like or what would make me calm. So when folks ask if you want to go out, say no thanks, but I could sure use some help around here. Why is it so difficult to ask for help? You can only be turned down and you are no worse off. Tell your family you have a with list, if they are interested in helping you. Most people, unfortunately would rather spend $$ than time, but be forthright and ask. What do you have to lose? Good luck.
  19. Lavenderpixxypatty

    Lavenderpixxypatty New Member

    I feel like know one understands too.
  20. Tnance60

    Tnance60 New Member

    I know how you feel my husband been gone 6 months and still having a hard time I don't get out of the house only to go get things I need at the stores or to my Dr appointment I have no kids I'm disabled so there are days I can't get out of bed I live on 6 1/2 acres and my neighbors aren't close so I feel kinda a lone no one that understands what I'm going through I don't even feel like doing anything but lay in bed