New to the site....lost my father

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Shannon421, Jul 3, 2020.

  1. Shannon421

    Shannon421 New Member

    Hello all,
    I'm new to the site and am really looking for others with the same hurt as me.
    I lost my dad February 25th, 2019 or at least that's the date he was found. I hadn't talked to him in a few weeks (he lived in AZ and I live in IN). He was an alcoholic and drug addict and I was mad he had denied help so I was trying to give him some tough love. When I was little he was an amazing dad but I always knew he liked his beer . He was a functioning alcoholic and had a great job until his beer/vodka got the best of him and he went to work drunk and lost his job. He then went on a downward spiral. He tried a few times to kill himself and I begged the social workers to commit him to a treatment center. They all told me they couldn't. I tried to get legal rights to have him committed and was told that he was lucid and I couldn't. He had texted me and asked me to call him about 2 weeks before and like I said I was trying to give him some hard love and told him i couldn't. I got the call on February 25th that he had died but was told he had been there for 3 to 5 days. He had some health issues caused by the alcohol and drug abuse and was found with several pills and empty bottles surrounding him. It ended up being ruled a heart attack because of his health issues. I was absolutely broken and mad at myself for not making that call but I just couldn'tfor myself or my kids. I am an only child and he had recently gone through a divorce so I had to do all of this alone, my grandma is here but was in denial of his problems. I had to fly to AZ and clean out his house and load a uhaul with the items I could fit. I had to donate the rest. Over a year later I am still hurting so bad and I'm so mad at him and I beat myself up for that. Anyone else have a similar loss and how are you working through this?
     
  2. Bella416

    Bella416 New Member

    New member here as well; hoping to connect and communicate with others who have experienced similar situations of parent loss but also with those who had complicated parent-child relationships which has affected their grieving process.
    Our situations have some differences and although my dad didnt have the same battles with addiction, that was a very present and major factor within our family (sibling with long-time addiction issues and refusal to accept resources), which over time led to conflict and very similar feelings of tough love/ low contact between my dad and I in his later years. So I can empathize and relate to the feelings around addiction in the family if that might be comforting? Happy to chat more over messages about some of those feelings and the guilt about those 'what could i have done differently' situations.