Hello everyone, my name is Nicole. I lost my mother and only parent on April 30th this year. We knew she was losing her battle with cancer but even her oncologist was shocked at how sudden and traumatic it was. Not only was she my only parent, but I'm an only child, so I just feel lost. The whole event surrounding my mom's death was sudden and traumatic. She had been in the hospital over the weekend for shortness of breath. She was qualified for oxygen and even though her levels weren't stable they released her so she could make her oncologist appointment at the University hospital an hour and a half away. About 40 minutes into our trup she became unresponsive and I had to pull over and call 911. I then pulled her out of the car and performed CPR (to the best of my ability) until two passerby cars stopped to help. My two youngest children (age 2 and 2 months at the time) were both screaming and crying in the backseat and my now 3 year old frequently talks about when grandma was on the side of the road and rode in the ambulance. They managed to revive her and agreed to leave her on life support long enough for her siblings, my grandparents, and my husband and other children to get to the hospital. I feel lost and depressed. My husband tries to understand to the best of his ability but he just doesn't understand completely. No one will ever love you like a parent loves you. I knew she was the one person I could always count on to be there and never leave me and I feel like I'm floundering knowing that support is gone. At this point I'm just looking to connect with people who understand and are going through the same feelings.
Sorry to hear about your mother. I lost my mother suddenly back in May - one week before Mother’s Day.
Nstover2018, I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your mother. There is no question, that is a very traumatic thing for any person to have to go through, and there's no part of this type of loss that is simple. As a mother, you know how special the love is between a mother and a child, and I'm sure all the things you feel for your kids you know she felt for you. That is a feeling that even a great love a spouse can give, can't necessarily replicate. You have only known a life with your mother in it, and it will take time (and probably more time than you think) to adjust to what that looks like. More than anything, these are the changes we never ask for. These are the people we'd never want to lose and coming to terms with that is no easy thing. Your husband just wants the "old" you back. He feels helpless by your sadness. He doesn't know what to do or say, and he's likely frustrated and scared, and sometimes that comes out as not understanding. The only suggestion I can ever make to remedy this type of situation is total transparency: to let your husband know what you are going through and what this feels like for you. He may not get it the first time around, but if you keep the dialogue open between you two and especially if you are able to acknowledge that you know this is difficult for him too, you may see that this loss could actually bring you even closer together. In the meanwhile, if you find you are feeling particularly traumatized by that day in the car...know it's very normal to carry the sights and sounds of loss and trauma with us for a long time. The hope is that they soften and fade a bit with time, but if you are not finding that to be a case, speaking to someone can certainly help. I'm glad you have found our site, and I hope you can find some connection here. We are here to help~
I understand what you're going through as I lost my Mom just before Thanksgiving to Alzheimer's. I also lost my dad suddenly several years ago. He was fine one day and then had a massive heart attack on Father's day and was gone before the ambulance arrived. I know you suddenly feel like you're drifting with no lighthouse to help lead you back to safer waters. As bad as the Alzheimer's was on all of us, it was worse losing Daddy so quickly. AT least I got to say goodbye to Mom. One of the hardest things to do is to force yourself to think of the good memories whenever you start to think of your loss. It isn't easy, but it can bring you some comfort a little at a time. Feel free to contact me and vent or tell me stories of your Mom. And remember, her body is gone, but her spirit is looking over you with all the love she's always had for you. Just close your eyes and think of her love and you will feel it. Go ahead and cry when you need to and don't let anyone tell you when to stop grieving. You can get though this.
