My Weddomg Ring

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Cathy H., Sep 26, 2018.

  1. LindaH

    LindaH Well-Known Member

    Hi Ray,

    I am very sorry for your loss.

    That's a nice way of wearing the ring.

    I love the idea of you writing Sofia's story.
    Beautiful idea.

    As you might have read I started a journal a few months after my husband passed .
    When I first started it I would write my thoughts of the day.
    I will admit it was dark writing on certain days.
    Now I have started writing my memories of him. So many good ones.
    I have made the decision not to focus on the day he died.

    I will be thinking of you as you start your journey of he.
    Be kind to yourself.
     
  2. LindaH

    LindaH Well-Known Member

    I meant to say as you start your journey of healing.
     
  3. Beth M

    Beth M Member

    Hi, Linda.

    Can you talk more about your decision not to focus on the day of your husband's death? My partner's passing was extremely traumatic and the work I'm doing to try and put that behind me is very difficult. Also, I've been advised that it's not healthy to "stuff" my feelings about that particular night and the feelings I have about it. I just also know I can't continue to dwell. I would love to hear about any strategies you've found that have been helpful to put that particular event behind you and that have helped you move forward.

    Thank you!
     
  4. LindaH

    LindaH Well-Known Member

    Beth,

    I realized one day that dwelling on the "What ifs" was not doing me any good. If anyone it was doing me harm.
    For example : What if I had stayed home from my trip.
    What if his friend had come to pick him up for dinner on time.
    I should have only left enough pain pills here for two weeks. These were just some of the thoughts that raced in my mind.

    This is when I think I started my journal . Instead of holding those thoughts inside I would write how I was feeling.
    Gradually the thoughts turned into writing about positive or funny memories .
    I still at times will vent in my writing about what happened that night.
    I think it has helped that for years I knew he would overdose sooner or later.

    I wish I could help you on your journey.
     
  5. Right now I fall apart when I look at our wedding rings. I had to take them off so I could try and keep myself together at work. I feel like I have this horrible pain written all over my face, I can't imagine anyone wanting to flirt with me right now. I still take them out most nights and look at them and put them on and cry endlessly.
     
  6. Beth M

    Beth M Member

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    I'm so sorry for your pain. I'm on month 3 since my fiance' passed and feel like I'm slowly coming out of the dark. I am able to look at more things and not fall apart, think about more joyful times, rather than sad, and my tears seem to be drying up. Don't be afraid to seek help from a counselor or even your family physician. Both have helped me tremendously and it's not a weakness to ask for that kind of help. Just this past week, this Ted Talk helped me get some perspective on my depression and how to "move forward" with my grief and not resist it quite so much. https://www.ted.com/talks/nora_mcin...rom_grief_we_move_forward_with_it?language=en
    I wish you peace and comfort.
    Beth
     
  7. Thank you Beth,

    I have watched the Ted Talk previously and I am seeing a grief counselor as well as my physician. I'm only on one month out so you give me hope that I will also come out of the dark in the near future.