Before Trevor died I had a fun active life. I played in a rock band every week and wrote many songs with great friends. We all frequented a bar where everyone knew us and our band played there once a month. I had a great job in custom woodworking and built different things in my shop at home. After Trevor died I became very lonely. I slowly backed away from the band and started going to the bar sitting there drinking more and more. Eventually all i did was go to work then come home and get on my Harley and go drink at the bar. I drank so much that each night I blacked out and woke up the next day with no recollection of what happened the night before. In late 2017 an old dear friend contacted me and we began an intimate relationship and within 4 months I quit the best job I ever had and moved 320 miles away to be with this woman. I didn't know anyone there and took a job I didnt like. Within 3 weeks I was in a domestic violent incident with this woman and ended up in jail. I got out of jail and she took me back, but now I'm on probation and have lost almost all contact with family and friends back home. I dont know what I'm doin here. I love this woman, but my life isn't what I thought it would be and I feel stuck here with no options. All I have is my son's facebook to look at and reflect. Im so sad and have nobody to talk to.
Sorry to hear about all your troubles. The death of a child is devastating. I am trying not to take any decisions because I realize that I need time to process this great loss. Try to join a group a physical group, not an online group, of people going through the same thing you are going through, that might help you. My son Alex passed away on October 11th, I miss him so much it hurts. I have found a group that we should be meeting with soon. I cry every day, several times a day, I visit him daily at the Mausoleum although I know he is alive in my heart. Love never dies, and the love of our children is stronger than any other. Keep strong and just take one step at a time.
My Son Nate hung himself on 6/30/18, he was 35..........REASON UNKNOWN. I feel like a Mack truck drove right through my gut, the unknown, the feelings of guilt for one reason or another, the sleepless nights, the lack of interest and energy to do anything........this is like living in a nightmare. Somedays I wish I would never wake up, just release me from this prison of grief, other days I think I got this (but I don't). It is noticeable that many people, family & friends, are staying away, I call this forced isolation, yet they don't even realize they are doing it, they don't know what to say to me, what to do with me, who I am......all they know is it is very deep & dark in my world and they can't deal with it, I on the other hand, have no choice, so I go it alone. For some reason, I was given a one way ticket on the rollercoaster to hell.........this damn thing just goes and goes and goes, hardly allowing me to take a breath. It get better.........my oly other living child is a heroin addict, she is 34, she has been on heroin nearly a year, the loss of her brother seems to have become her latest excuse. I sit here on the edge of a cliff everyday, afraid of the phone, afraid of knocks at the door, just afraid........afraid I will be childless any moment, don't know that I can make it through this a second time, hell, I haven't made it through the first one.
Oh, that's terrible, I was just reading an article about the victims that suicide leaves behind. There really are never any answers and we just don't know what people go through no matter how close we are. Although my son didn't commit suicide directly, he died because he refused to get help with his addiction. At 39 years old. I know that horrible feeling of waiting for the phone call, the knocks on the door. We have such a terrible problem with depression, substance abuse and suicide in our country, our young people are dying. I don't know what will change that. I'm so sorry, just wanted to let you know that you were heard. (((hugs)))
