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My son is gone

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Zack’s mom, Oct 12, 2020.

  1. Zack’s mom

    Zack’s mom New Member

    I just lost my oldest son Zack to a heroin overdose on September 24 .. I am still in shock mostly because I did not know he was using again. His girlfriend called me to tell me something bad happened that he was dead . I experienced shaking tremors. My head was spinning. I asked what happened as I had no idea he had fallen off the proverbial wagon over a year ago. Somehow I got home for my husband , son , and daughter in law to bring me to his house. As we approach the house . There it is. Police suvs and the medical examiner van. My heart sinks as I realize this is real . How can this be ? I was just here with him for a picnic like 2 weeks ago. Once I enter the house with police officers , medical examiner and heroin outreach person .. his girlfriend says I have so much to tell you . What more can there be ? He had overdosed a year ago and I had no clue . As far as I knew he was still clean for the past 8 years . I was sooo wrong. I did not go upstairs to see the shell of the man I gave birth to . This was a crime scene. His heroin was laced with fentanyl.. the first bag killed him .. there were 9 more bags hiding in the bookshelf..as I am being questioned the medical examiner trips on the last step. He took the last picture of my sons cold dead body. In this picture he is not smiling.. or putting a grill together.. he lays lifeless in this photo and this is just the first morning of his death
     
  2. kansasrose

    kansasrose New Member

    Dear Zach's mom. I don't have words to comfort you. Your loss is so big and deep. I think you reaching out is very brave and so important. You are just trying to survive one minute to the next right now. I hope you can connect with others who have had similar losses. I am the mother of a son who is in recovery for meth and alcohol abuse. He is 3 years clean and sober. He nearly died. Addiction is a terrible terrible thief. He's lost a number of friends to overdose. These were men who were family men and working and trying so hard.

    Anyway, take good care and allow others to help you. I hope that this site will be helpful to you. Do not forget all that you did right! Much love