I'm a trans man who lost his lover to a bullet Nov 6th/2018... I was in another state, I couldn't go to the funeral, I couldn't go to their candle ceremony, it sent me into tears just seeing a picture of the casket closed because the bastard made them nearly unrecognizable... I feel like I'll always carry this weight of taking everything for granted. We were on and off for four years but always called each other soul mates even when we weren't together. They were my best friend, soul mate, rock, anything you want to call it that was us... every day is so hard, and I feel like I'm frustrating my family because some days I'll break down out of nowhere because a small thing sets me off. I'm just so lost, confused, and frustrated.