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My Mom. It hurts so much.

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by eva0003, Feb 28, 2021.

  1. eva0003

    eva0003 New Member

    I'm New here and I'm sorry if I'm a bit all over the place.

    On February 22nd I talked to my Mom because she said she felt sick. I and my sisters went through her symptoms, suggested she & Dad get a covid test just in case (couldn't get one until the next day).
    I remember saying, frustrated "You should think about going to the emergency room".
    She yelled something and was annoyed (She has always hated hospitals) & Dad said "talk to you later".
    That's the last thing I said to her.
    At 3:57 am, my Dad called us and told us she died. That she was on the couch next to his chair and she talked to her mom (who died when she was 8) and then went unconscious. He and the paramedics had tried so hard to save her but couldn't. The doctor said that because of her diabetes she had neuropathy around her heart and wouldn't have realized what was happening. He said her heart had likely gotten so damaged that nothing would have saved her that day.

    My parents calling up or texting with a health scare, especially about Mom, happened all the time, but she always got through it, or it would turn out to not be that bad. Despite all of her health problems, she'd always be fine, she's only 64. Besides, they would do this all of the time to try to get us home to help clean or to make us feel guilty about not answering the phone enough.

    I and my sisters thought she'd be fine like always. They both thought she'd be fine too. She'll get better.

    I remember looking at the phone that night and thinking that I should call her back and ask if her symptoms improved, but I reassured myself and said to my sisters "remember, we gotta call Mom tomorrow..." and went to bed.

    It hurts so much. I always thought we would be there holding her hand when the time came, instead we were two hours away in bed.
    Her life was so hard and cruel and she deserved better than this.
    Why didn't I call her back? Why didn't I check on her? Why didn't I say "I love you"?
    I talked to her for two hours the week before & She was fine. The last time I and my sisters saw her in person was November.

    I don't want her to be gone.
    I just want to hug her and tell her I love her and that I'm sorry for anything I ever did that hurt her.
     
  2. Laura123

    Laura123 New Member

    Hello,
    I’m new here too. I’m so sorry for your loss. I too lost my mom. At the end of September, my mom fell. She and my dad were still living in the same house I grew up in, 10 minutes from my current house. My dad called that day, I stopped everything and ran over. My mom had the early stages of dementia and had no concept of time. I tried in vain to get her off the floor, and tried explaining that I needed help. I ended up having to call the fire department who sent police. (After many hours of trying to get my mom to agree)I knew she needed to go to the hospital to be evaluated. I followed the ambulance to the hospital only to be turned away because of Covid. The next day and the following week, I visited my mom every day, and drove to visit my dad too. (I have 2 older sisters who were nowhere to be found except by phone. We haven’t spoken in years) my mom was unable to walk, although nothing was broken. She needed rehab for a few weeks and was transported to a facility less than 5 minutes from my home. But I wasn’t allowed to see her. After almost 3 weeks, she was getting close to going home. My father and I kept telling her she’d be home soon. Then I got the call on Saturday night, October 17, that my mom was unconscious and was going to be taken to the hospital. I was terrified. Less than 20 minutes later, I got another call that she had died. I screamed and started hysterically crying. Then I had to go to my dad’s house to tell him. I texted my sisters that it was an emergency about my mom to please call me. They never did. A part of me died that night too. I’m still struggling so much.
     
  3. KrisCarn

    KrisCarn New Member

    Hey Eva,

    I lost my mom suddenly December 30th. She beat cancer last year and had just gotten her latest PET Scan results back to see how her tumors were looking one year later - there were none and her results came back PERFECT - she was ELATED. That night, she went to sleep and never woke up.

    I just want you to know that I'm experiencing such profound grief and heartache with so many questions and thoughts just like yours. You're not alone. If you ever want to talk, I get it and I'm here.

    I take so much comfort in knowing that your mom was "talking" to her mom right before she passed. Thank you so much for sharing that. I believe they're still with us. Look for the signs.

    Kristen
     
  4. AH1873

    AH1873 New Member

    I know how much it’s hurting you. It’s a deep emotional pain but also physically you can feel it. Like a hole in your heart. My father passed away suddenly in a very similar situation to yours. He was alone in the hospital at the end and we as a family couldn’t be with him because of Covid restrictions. I always imagined I’d be able to be by my parents side when the time came. So not having that opportunity to be there is something that I’m really struggling with as well. The guilt and the resentment is hard to let go of. He was having a surgery that we thought would help heal his sickness and save his life but his body just couldn’t handle it and he ended up dying. So the feeling of thinking he was gonna be ok was gone so fast and we were hit with a sudden traumatic loss. So unexpected. He was just a few months away from turning 65. So, very similar to the death of your mother. I’m so sorry you lost her.
     
  5. Lesliefisher23

    Lesliefisher23 New Member

    My mother died unexpected about a month ago. I seen her the day before and she said she felt fine and just her arthritis in her hand was hurting her.. I found her the next day on the porch passed away of a heart attack. She was just a few weeks shy of her 61st birthday. I am so lost and confused I feel so much for all of you who are going through this situation.