My Life Seems So Empty

I lost my wife to a stage four cancer that we did not even know she had. I brought her to the hospital on July 1, 2020 to find out what was wrong as she was having pain and not feeling well for a few weeks. On July 12, 3030, she was gone. My whole world crashed and every day is sad and empty.

 

I'm so very sorry. My wife of 31 years passed away July 20th from brain cancer. I am also here looking for support and answers. How are you dealing with it? Personally, I feel like crying every day. Spending time with my sons helps, but life is terribly difficult. Loneliness haunts me 24 hours a day. People say hold on to the memories, but memories make me cry. If we can share any positive experiences, I'd like that. I pray for both of us to find some understanding and peace. Take care of yourself and know you're not alone.

 

Thank you Eric. I am very sorry for your loss, too. I have one son and grandchildren. Like you said, spending time with them helps but it doesn't change this empty, lonely cold new world that I find myself in. Like you, I feel like crying all the time and I do every day. It just seems so unbelievable to me that this happened. I live day to day. I find that involving myself in every tasks helps to take my mind off of it. I frequently go for walks. I have been re-connecting with old friends and this seems to help a little too. I can only say to you and myself, hang in there. There are people in this world who love both of us. That is something to hold onto in this ocean of grief and sorrow.

 

Leaf, let me offer my deepest condolences, I’m so sorry. There’s nothing in life that prepares us for this debilitating pain. You stated it well, your world came crashing down. Your loss is very recent, your mind is reeling, I’m guessing you’re not eating or sleeping, and your mind is in a fog. Sadly that’s all normal, you’re life doesn’t resemble anything that you’re used to. I’m hoping you have family and friends offering support and there if you need them for anything.
This site is very helpful, visit often and keep sharing and reading. People on this site understand the pain and know what we’re each going through, where people who haven't lost someone so close just can’t understand. Get fresh air each day, it is helpful.
Take care of you.

 

Dear RLC - Thank you for your kind words. You are so right to say that nothing in life prepares us for this. Life is completely different now. Yes, I have family and friends and that help fill some of the void. But, to a large extent it is like they are on the sidelines. I can see that many of the people on this site are feeling like I do and understand the true depth of emotion that overcomes you. you take care too.

 

Keep your family close, having people you can turn to if you need is helpful to know they’re there. They might be on the sidelines as you say, but they’re there. Most people don’t understand what this feels like so they take a step back, not knowing what’s right or wrong. There is no right or wrong, that’s the thing. People thinking bringing up your spouse or loved one will make you upset. Umm, no! Not speaking of them hurts more. I’m afraid I’m pretty blunt about it too and tell people. I need to hear their memories their thoughts, please don’t act like he never existed. And saying his name isn’t reminding me, he’s in my thoughts every minute of every day. Everyone on here feels as though they’ve been hit by a Mack truck, and it’s hard to survive.
The wonderful memories, they take time to make you smile. I’m getting there. Right now it depends on the memory and every day is different.
Give yourself time. Time doesn’t heal but with time things become a little easier.

 

Well said RLC. I do keep family close and talk to them frequently. I think that what you said is true that some people kind of take a step back and don't want to mention anything. I talk openly to them about her because, like you, she is always on my mind and someone else talking about her is not reopening a wound but is in fact stepping toward healing. Thank you for responding. I am glad to hear that you feel you are getting there. Its going to be a long road but the memories help.

 

Leaf,
People almost seem afraid to speak with us. Like you stated, talking about our spouses is so much a part of the healing process. And crying while talking about them is good too. But people don’t see it that way. They say they’re sorry, thinking they made me cry. I was with Ron for 44 years, how could I not cry. Your loss was a shock, happened pretty quickly, My loss was quick too. We spent a happy Saturday together that ended with him suffering a massive heart attack and gone in 2 hours. Then I had to close our business. For quite some time all I could think of was that awful night and going into our shop and seeing where he left things. Now I can think of wonderful memories, that can still bring tears of course but also smiles. Sometimes I think he should be here and managing the maintenance of the house and yard, he’s so much better at those things. Then I think, no, I don’t want him feeling this pain. We’ve been through a lot of losses and quite a few just before Ron passed, including both his parents. We had many discussions on how hard it would be to be the one left behind. But we told each other to please move forward, to do our best to enjoy life. I’m trying and he’s my inspiration for everything I do.

 

RLC - I can truly relate to what you went through and my heart goes out to you. It is so hard, I know. I was married to my wife for 43 years. I cry every day and I am crying as I write this. We had plans. We were so much a part of each other. The whole thing is still just so unbelievable to me. It sounds like you, like me, were totally taken by surprise. I just go day by day and try to take it as it comes. I hope, for both you and I and everyone else on this website, that we can continue to carry on and some day find happiness again.

 

Your story sounds so much like mine. Thank you for your encouragement, and I pray that you may find peace also. I can't look at pictures or any of her possessions without crying. We have two dogs, which I appreciate as company. They do their best, but it's still nowhere near what I need. Loneliness is a horrible thing. Hoping for healing in both your life and mine.

 

Yes a total and 100% shock. I made us a special dinner after all our chores and buying everything for Thanksgiving and we were relaxing and watching tv. All the sudden, he said he didn’t feel well. Like a stomach virus. I felt fine so I didn’t think it was from dinner. But things went terribly bad and so quick. He called to me that he threw up and thought he felt better. I told him to stay put and relax. Then he was got up and felt worse. When I asked where he hurt he put his hand on his chest, I said, omg your chest and he shook his head. I called 911, I have guilt I had thrown out our aspirin and didn’t replace it. It all came out of no where. We thought he was healthy.
You thought your wife was healthy and then you’re hit with something that seems impossible. How can this be true. We lost the most important person in our lives. You don’t get over that over night. And as things feel some better, it’s like a light bulb moment. Such as, hearing their favorite sone or having a memory come to mind and you realize, I didn’t cry. Then you get more moments like that. But it happens slow.
There will be healing, we just need to keep pushing to get there.

 

Me too Eric. Its the same way for me every day and night although I recently had a couple of times when I was able to resist crying. Maybe this is a good sign. I don't know. Its day by day. I don't feel any better but I am hoping that you, me and everyone else on this website will one day regain at least some happiness.

 

I am so sorry. What a heartbreaking story for you. What started out as a normal night devolved into a terrible nightmare with the worst possible outcome. Don't feel guilt about the aspirins. We are in so much pain as it is. If we go down the road of "if only I had done this" or "if only I did not do this" it only adds to our grief and sorrow. I too have to fight and resist going down the "if only" road. Maybe it would have changed something and maybe not. But, it is not going to change anything now except to make us more unhappy than we are. I had a couple of times when I was able to resist crying as well. I hope this is a positive step toward healing.

 

Thank you, it was a nightmare. I’m thankful we had such a good day together, and I made us a nice home cooked meal. He was rolled outside and while waiting to get rolled in the ambulance he yelled out, “I love you Robin, I love you Robin” he yelled that 5 times! I do regret not answering him, but I was so sure he would be coming back home. I did talk to him before he was taken in the ambulance, I’m thankful for that. I try not to go down the what if path, but my mind takes me there still sometimes.
I’m happy for you that you feel a little stronger, there will probably be a lot of ups and downs, but I’m glad you’re in a little bit of a better place.

 

I lost my husband of 30 years to cancer. I also try to not go there with the what ifs. I try to remind myself that we made the best decisions we could at the time, that I loved him with all my heart, and last but not least, he knew that. It was also difficult to think of recent memories when he was declining and in pain. I started posting happy memories of us and it really helped me and those close to him. This is the hardest thing I have ever went through in my life.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. You’re right, this is the hardest thing to go through. Nothing can prepare us for this wrenching pain.
I think it’s common to go down the what if’s path. But so not necessary, we loved them so much, and did our very best along the way. But we want then back so we keep questioning.
Posting happy memories was such a wonderful idea. Memories can be hard, but in time they make us smile. And thankful for every minute we had with our soul mates.
sending hugs!

 

Dear Mona - I am so very sorry for your loss. I truly understand how you feel and feel that what you said about making the best decision at the time helps me cope with the "what ifs". It is said that the loss of a spouse is maybe the hardest thing we will ever have to endure. It sure feels that way. I'm glad that posting the happy memories helps you. I pray for us all to get down this road anyway we can and maybe one day find joy again.

 

Dear Arthur - Thank you so much for your compassion. I know what you mean when you wondered if a person could actually die from the pain of loss. It was and is so gut wrenching and, to a large part, incomprehensible to those who have not gone through it. There is no moving on but only maybe a gradual lessening of the pain as we travel the road to healing. Everyone at their own pace. Be well and I hope that our roads eventually take us to peace and joy.

 

Thank you. I am so sorry for your loss also. While my husband was being treated for his cancer we were blessed with many angels on his journey. From nurses to people going through the same thing we were. I am also sure that there are many angels on this website to help us through this path we are forced to walk.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. Talking about the loss of my husband is still so difficult but I am at a stage where I need support so I found this website. If just one thing we experienced or feel can help someone else I think it will be beneficial to our healing.