My husband is gone, all I have are tears

From "I love you always" to "My feelings have changed and I'm not in this anymore" in the space of 2 weeks. My forever love has left me. And because we have a young daughter, we must still see each other almost every day. There is no pain like this. I can feel he has already moved on, on with a new apartment, a new woman, a new life, and I am left behind with love that is no longer wanted. We were together almost 18 years, almost half my life, and I vowed forever. I have no joy left in my days, just unbelievable pain. I feel like I will never climb out of the depth of this grief. And I am surrounded by supportive friends and have a therapist and medication, but each day just seems darker.

 

Hello Deenie. I am so sorry for your loss. This is one site where people can actually say, "I know what your going thru" and it's true. People who have never lost a beloved spouse have no idea of the pain and suffering we are going thru. I try desperately to hang on to my faith to get me thru but it is exactly that "blind faith" and then the pain comes back. I don't try to fight it. I let myself feel it. Every teardrop is from the love of my life. Without my tears , I would explode. I speak about my husband every day in some sort of way and I cry when I speak of him so all the feelings you have are normal. Don't question your sanity or try to stop the hurt. The pain is "love unfinished". My husband has been gone 6 years now and I still find myself lost, hurting more each day, and I let myself feel because I hope it is my beloved talking to me. So, I shall pray for you and for your daughter. My pain is with you and you are not alone. I don't know where you live. I am in NH and this site is very confusing so I don't know if I shall be able to catch you again on this site, but if you like... My e mail is sharonmorse1@comcast.net Please feel free to contact me thru e mail and we can talk further. My biggest support and comfort is talking with someone in the same situation but there are so few people willing to chat off this site. So it can be difficult to maintain a friendship. I hope to hear from you. I pray for you. I pray you find some kind of comfort especially in your daughter. God bless you and my deepest feelings for you. Anna