My grandma

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by AnnieH, Sep 13, 2019.

  1. AnnieH

    AnnieH New Member

    It's only been a month yesterday ( 12, September) since I lost my wonderful grandmother. In late June she started having issues with memory and other small things, we thought nothing much of it until one night she fell and busted her head open. Upon checking for a concussion they found a dark spot they didn't like so she was sent for more testing. They'd concluded that it was, in fact, a brain tumor so she was scheduled for a biopsy to see exactly what it was. The two options were brain cancer and something they could have easily fixed, if it had been the cancer the tumor was inoperable due to the location. During the few days from her last appointment to her biopsy she went from losing feeling in her left hand to her entire left side making her unable to walk. Flash forward to the results; an aggressive form of brain cancer, the doctors had given her 14-20 days to live, chemo not being an option as it would've A. Made her miserable and B. Only given her a few extra days.
    She was sent home with hospice care and I took over caregiving with my grandfather as he couldn't do it all on his own (at least until he knew what he was doing).
    I'd been there a week until he told me to go home and I didn't argue as they'd been married for 54 years and I knew they needed that time together. We continued to visit her every single day until the 11th of August when things started going downhill...she got very sick one Sunday night, refusing to eat, puking and just miserable. At this point we knew this was coming so we said our goodbyes and by that Monday, she had passed.
    I held the door for the funeral home to wheel her out and since then I've been struggling to deal with my emotions. I've cried a lot but it doesn't feel like I've accepted it, I've not slept this whole month, closing my eyes at 4am usually, the being 9am I'm luckily enough to work from home so my schedule is flexible enough. My recent problem with this being my period is nearly 2 months late, stress and lack of sleep have me all wound up and no matter what I do I can't seem to relax or fix this. I've been looking after my mom, we were the three musketeers and she's absolutely broken.
    Going through her things has been so hard and it's been left to us because my grandpa doesn't want to do it and doesn't want anyone else doing it.
    I'm so tired, I don't feel like I deserve to be sad.