My Fiancée passed unexpectedly April 3rd, 2019

My name is Donna. I am 38 years old and my Fiancée was 49. I knew him ever since I was 6 or 7 years old and we began our relationship almost 6 years ago. I have lost everything. He was my world and my everything. He was my best friend. He died of pure negligence (in the process of suing both hospitals) my baby died a very horrific and tragic death and suffered for 3 days non stop... I can’t eat which I have lost 50 pounds since April 3rd. I can’t sleep as you can see I am still awake... exhausted but can’t sleep. I cry all the time.. I can’t function in my daily tasks.. I sought help through my PCP but she is no real help so here I am... I just wish I could disappear. I pray every night for God just to please take me home so I can be with my Fiancée for eternity and apparently he isn’t answering that prayer either... so here I am

 

Dear Donna, I am very sorry to hear about your fiancé. The first few months are a blur and you’re in shock. Slowly in time you’ll feel a bit better. I also went to a therapist and she just wanted to know what my plans are now. She didn’t help or understand I don’t have any plans now. Just living day by day. I wish you well. Even though it’s hard, try to take care of yourself. Your fiancé would want you to.

 

I know exactly what you mean My Ryan died in car accident in December I have felt lost, worthless, wish I would die I do not want to live without him I have dogs...they have kept me going. I know it sounds small but it's the reason I am still here. I too lost weight either sleep too much or not enough. We have no other option but to survive. The pain is unbearable but I hope that in the end there is something good in life to make all this worth it

 

Laine B, there were plenty of times where I no longer cared if I lived or not but like you as small as it sounds my dog is most of the reason I am still here. Everyone heals differently, for me its been 15 months since my fiance suddenly passed and I have realized the pain will never go away but there are periods of time where I feel almost normal again. You will eventually begin to do some of the things you used to do without realizing it but it takes time.

 

Friends,
I also suddenly lost my husband in January. He was 52. We have been married for 28 years: together for 32. We lost a child to brain cancer almost 11 years ago, and the pain seems insurmountable. When my son died, I think I stayed in bed 99% of each day for over 4 months. When my husband died I was left with a lot of debt - so now my focus is on work instead of healing (maybe work is my way to heal). I am so angry at him for leaving me alone, feel so guilty that he died alone while I was at work, and so lost because he was the love of my life. I drink a lot, eat a lot, and just put one foot in front of the other to get through each day. I don't know how much longer I want to exist this way.