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My father died 6 months ago

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Juanita Martinez, Jul 1, 2019.

  1. Juanita Martinez

    Juanita Martinez New Member

    My dad was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago and told he had 6 months to a a year to live. He beat the odds and lived another 2 years past his life expectancy, with no medical treatment. Of my siblings, I have always been the closest and the one with the least amount of emotional baggage between the two of us. After a month long battle with pneumonia and being in ICU he decided to stop dialysis. He told me he wanted to keep doing dialysis because of us but I told him it was ok to let go and that we would all be ok and that he did his best for us and we would be ok so he said ok I don’t want to do this anymore. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt and think what if I hadn’t told him he could stop what if I had told him to keep fighting would he still be here and I ask myself is it all my fault that he stopped fighting.
     
  2. Natalie86

    Natalie86 New Member

    Dear Juanita,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father to complications of the lungs a little more than two weeks ago, one day before Father's Day. He was diagnosed and hospitalized in a span of one month. My family and I still find it very hard to accept that he is really gone. He was a health nut, exercised all the time, watched his diet like a hawk and everybody who knew him said how fit he looks and acts for his age.

    Like you, I am the closest to my dad of all the siblings. I have three brothers, all of whom loved him but were rarely there. By all accounts of my age, I am an adult orphan, because I'm already 33 years old and my dad is 67. Still, I feel incredibly lost and most of my days are spent crying and missing him.

    I did the opposite of what you did. I decided to keep my dad in the hospital and urge him to fight what was killing him. As a result, he had bouts of attacks during his hospital stay and the torture he had to go through for that one month will haunt me forever. I just wanted to let you know that whatever you choose, there is no right or wrong choice. The sense of loss will always be the same. I feel guilty and depressed over what I had decided. He had wanted to come home but I won't let him. As a result, he never got to come back home even on his last day, surrounded by hospital staff in the ICU because family members were not allowed to be there after certain hours. I really have no idea how to make you feel better as I am myself suffering from this immense and intense grief. I hope that all will be well again for you and you will learn to forgive yourself, as I am currently trying and failing to do everyday.