My dad

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Julie Starcher, Jul 28, 2019.

  1. Julie Starcher

    Julie Starcher New Member

    I'm struggling trying to find the words for the grief I feel,my dad and I were always so close,I miss him terribly.he passed on June 14 th of this year suddenly of a heart attack,I thought we had more time,truthfully I couldn't bring myself to ever think about him not being here,he had moved in with my husband and I eight months ago,and it was amazing to be able to see him all the time and talk about daily things, I was finally able to give back to him some of the caring thoughtful things he had always given to me as a child and as an adult. I heard him fall to the floor that morning and I ran to him but I wasn't able to save him,the shock and the loss has devastated me.I just want to be able to tell him I love him and to express what a blessing it was to have known him as a dad and as a person,he was so amazing,I miss him so much,I feel like the pain will never go away.
     
  2. CathyRdz87

    CathyRdz87 New Member

    I lost my dad this January. He also had a heart attack. I was extremely close to him as well and still I don't know how to deal with his loss even after 7 months.
     
  3. Taisha Santiago

    Taisha Santiago New Member

    I am so sorry for both of your loss. I loss my dad May 13th of this year. He was diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Prostate Cancer April 5th. It had spread to all the bones in his body, his brain, and spine. The entire left hemisphere was damaged. As his health care proxy, I had to make the decision to take him off of a ventilator. On May 11th, 2019, the machine was taken off, he lasted two day. I was with him until he took his last breath. He passed the day after Mother's Day. I have a deep guilt for having to make the decision, although I know it was his request; I can't help but feel wrong and guilty, I also feel as if he passed mad at me. I'm am hurting so bad.
     
  4. SteveR

    SteveR New Member

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Julie. I’m feeling the same way about the loss of my dad. Like yourself, I was very close to him. My fiancé and I moved back to my hometown to help my mom care for my dad. He diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and the last two years we were helping my parents it was so hard. In January of this year, my dad experienced the first of four seizures which basically made him nonverbal. In June of this year, we hospitalized him because of another seizure and our entire family spent the last week of my dad’s life at the hospital. It was so sad. He was a retired teacher of 31 years and an avid athlete. He passed on June 22 and every day I’m so sad that my father and mentor is no longer with us.
     
  5. riverinohio

    riverinohio Member

    Please do not feel guilty about your decision. There was no hope for a recovery and what you did was merciful. Cancer is painful and he is not feeling that pain. The fact is that certain things are out of our control and when a loved one gets ill there is only so much we can do. Sometimes we have to give in and surrender and that alone is horrible. After a death we play the "could have, should have" game which is cruel to ourselves. We have to be kinder to ourselves. In your specific situation I think to make him linger would have been torture for him. Don't feel guilty. What is upsetting is that he got cancer in the first place and the feelings of anger and sadness over that is what can take over. I am sorry for your loss and I will tell you it will hurt for a long time. My dad died in December and I am still hurting very badly. I miss him terribly. My dad was sick and I am so sad that he went through what he did. I just am trying to put one foot in front of the other because I know my dad would want that for me. Embrace the pain and don't push it away because it will resurface down the road. Hang in there, you are not alone and just be grateful he is not in pain.
     
  6. riverinohio

    riverinohio Member

    I am sorry for your loss and it is a very new loss so the pain will be intense for awhile. We want the pain to go away just like that but it's not that easy. I too am wondering when the pain will lessen. I must say as time passes I am finding it even harder. You are not alone.