My brother committed suicide

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Amberlee, Aug 2, 2018.

  1. Amberlee

    Amberlee New Member

    my Brother Russell always seemed like the happiest person in the world. Always laughing and pulling pranks on people. He shot himself in the head July 21, 2018. He was also my rock. I leaned on him for everything and he was my best friend. I’m just at a loss as to why. And I can’t stop thinking about it, nor do I want to talk to people about it cause naturally they try and make me feel better but I’m just not there.
     
  2. Hiroko K

    Hiroko K New Member

    I don't really know how to say this, it only feels like life is playing cruel games on us. I had only recently lost my nephew who was 27 this December 2017 to suicide. Before we could have done it was too late. It wasn't even as if we weren't aware of his mental health. The entire family was aware of his delicate mental state. We tried everything ever since we got a hint that he is capable of doing something harmful to himself. But we couldn't save him. My heart aches for all the children around his this young who go through such difficult time, as time went on through his suicide note and old suicide it become clear that nothing could have changed his mind. One thing that was very evident that he continually felt gulit of leaving his mother and his sister behind, and as well as our daughter. They both were incredibly close ever since they were young with only four year gap between them. It was clear very his passing had affected our daughter severely, than it had to us. She was devastated. After he left it was like the daughter I knew was lost. She became a complete person. They were in very ways similar, after a month of his death I started getting concerned about her. As she was just numb. After two weeks of leave from the college she started going to her college, but something that she enjoyed just become a chore to her. It was as if she was living just because she didn't have any choice. My daughter also suffered from mild depression and it became worst, there were numerous times when she would just sit and stare at nothing for hours. Just as much I was concerned about her life, I believed her enough that she wouldn't harm herself. As one more month passed she seems getting better, as march came by it was my daughter had in a way made ammends with the situation, as she started seeing a therapist and was doing fine. And for the rest of the family we all were again going back in our daily lives. What came for us in April was the worst nightmare for all, it was as if god was testing us in the worst way possible, we had only recently started to heal from the loss of one family members death. That we received a call from the hospital at 3 in the night that she was in a critical condition and had gotten in a car accident with one of her friends while returning from a frat party. My daughter didn't drink and neither did her friend who was who was driving. It had rained heavily that day and accoring to the police investigation they had somehow lost the control of the car on the highway and the car flipped. My daughter suffered third degree spinal injury and her friend was lucky who only suffered form a boken hand and jaw. My daughter died due to excessive internal bleeding during the operation. There was nothing they could do to save her. She died just a day after her cousin's birthday. And just two days before his birthday she went to visit his cemetery because she missed him. Even that day after she got home after her visit from the cemetery, she cried endlessly in my arms on how she blamed herself on her brother's death, and that she couldn't do anything to save him m knowing his mental condition. Or how she missed his call for the last time when he called her before the night he died.

    And the biggest irony was that my nephew's suicide note was found in his car, right on the front passenger seat. Was this some sort of sign? I don't know.

    When I think of it, I can't really make sense of anything. Not as a mother nor as a aunt. Being the exceptionally religious person I was this has made me question everything. My entire existence. What in the hell was this? Could I have done anything differenr to avoid, both the deaths. I don't truly know what I mean to say by this, but I miss them and my god it hurts.

    I'm just a parent trying to make sense of it all so that I can move on and be at peace. But I cannot seem to find any asnwer.

    My only question to God is that the both one them do to deserve this ? What did we as a family do to deserve to loose not one but two of our children?