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My beautiful Mom passed on this past December

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Butterfly21, Apr 29, 2020.

  1. Butterfly21

    Butterfly21 Member

    I am really sad. I can't go into everything right now. My heart hurts. Mom was so very loving, kind and thoughtful.
     
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Butterfly,

    So sorry to hear of the passing of your mother. It is quite ok to not be able to speak more now, as loss is especially hard to share at times. I hope you will find some peaceful nights and come back again and talk with us when you are able. There is no time limit, there is no amount required for you to talk about. Just know that all of us have seen and experienced loss and will do our best to talk with you.

    Take care for now.

    -david
     
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  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mom. I know the pain you’re feeling and it’s overwhelming. I lost my Mom 15 years ago, she was my best friend. She had heart valve replacement surgery and then 2 years later she started suffering from dementia. But she remembered who I was for most of that time. Losing our parents is so very hard. I’m on this site because I lost my husband suddenly to a heart attack that happened with no previous warning. Two hours after his first feeling something was wrong, and he was gone, and my life turned upside down.
    I know it can be difficult to talk about, but talking is a necessary part of working towards healing. So try to talk to family and friends, and definitely on this site. Sharing your own and reading others stories is so helpful.
    Everyone here understands the pain you feel and how awful it feels. We’re all feeling that pain as well. You’re not alone, we get it. And not feeling alone is comforting.
    Let the tears fall, feel angry or whatever you’re feeling, let it out. This is a hard time to lose someone we love, because we can’t have person to person contact, so support is very different right now. Use whatever method possible to talk with people. Your Mom will always be with you, she’s a part of who you are.
    Keep posting. There will be better days ahead,
    Robin
     
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  4. Little Colleen

    Little Colleen New Member

    I lost my mother a few days ago. It was all very sudden and she wasn't even sick. She had kidney failure and passed away a few hours later. I couldn't even say goodbye because I'm in a foreign country and this Corona virus means there is no way to travel. I feel like a part of me is missing. Like my life could never go on without her.
     
  5. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Little Colleen,

    I am saddened by the loss of your mother. Being separated at this time makes your loss harder as you can't be with your mother and pay your last respects. I know it is an awful feeling, as I was in the military in 1978 and received a call from the Red Cross my grandfather had passed. I was married and in Okinawa at the time and was not able to travel back home to attend his funeral. So all I could do was sent a letter with how I felt. It was so impersonal but something you never really get used to in the military.

    Just remember your mother will always be with you in your heart, mind, and soul. She will be reflected in your words, your actions, as she is such a strong part of you and your life and will always be with you in memory. She will be with you watching over you.

    I remember in Vietnam, we had a 122 rocket his my work truck killed one of my coworkers and wounded three others. I had just gotten off night shift work and was asleep when the rocket hit. The funeral was held on our basketball court. No family was able to be present naturally since we were in a warzone. He is listed on the Vietnam wall along with another high school friend, all three of us were in Vietnam at the same time. So yes, we all were broken up with the loss and injuries and it is something you never really get over in life.

    Two years before my mother's death from stomach flu, my father had passed from lung cancer. I know death can tear us apart inside and it is something that is not easy to ever accept and move beyond. We were raised by our parents and when they pass a piece of our life is torn from us.

    I love music and as a child my mother would sing to us all as we laid on the floor and listened. Dad would sit in his chair smiling and mom with her beautiful smile would then begin to sing to us all. From that point, music became a part of me that has lived within me through today. When I listen to music I am thinking not just to the sounds, but remembering mother as well. I know we can't bring back the past, but just by remember they can once again live within us.

    Today I keep in close contact with my stepbrother, and two sisters, but it wasn't until the passing of my wife Nadine from cancer that we became closer once again and were separated due to this isolation from Covid-19. You never understand how loss can shake you to the core and take control of your life until you can no longer be with the ones you love. Little Colleen I understand not only your pain, but the separation you are troubled with.

    I hope you will take all the time you need to recover from this loss. Please don't give in to despair as that can lead to depression, and that is something none of us ever wish to be afflicted with. I was treated with depression for 5 months.

    Watch out for your well-being. I hope you will find some peace of mind. Please reach out to whoever you can, by phone, the internet, in person for support during this difficult time. We will be here, and will respond whenever you wish to talk more. Take care.

    -david

    I hope you like this song

     
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  6. Little Colleen

    Little Colleen New Member

    Thank you. It was beautiful.
     
  7. Butterfly21

    Butterfly21 Member

     
  8. Butterfly21

    Butterfly21 Member

    Thank you very, very much.
     
  9. Butterfly21

    Butterfly21 Member

    Thank you very, very much for caring.
     
  10. Butterfly21

    Butterfly21 Member

    Thank you so much for writing to me, Robin.
     
  11. Butterfly21

    Butterfly21 Member

    My siblings live in different states. Now that mom passed on to Heaven, I have no relatives nearby.
     
  12. Butterfly21

    Butterfly21 Member

    I have no husband, and no children.
    I have a bereavement helper from hospice, that I can call. She has been very supportive.
     
  13. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Of coarse Colleen.
    Of coarse Colleen, We’re here for you when ever you need. I know such a loss is crippling, take the time you need. Just joining this site and writing a post is a wonderful start. You don’t need to say much, we feel your pain. We know your pain. Try not to hold emotions in.
    When your ready to share we’re here, whenever that might happen.
    I found that just knowing there are people who understand what this pain feels like was like a comforting hug and there’s always someone available to offer words of encouragement.
    Take care of you, your Mom would want that!
    Robin
     
  14. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m sorry you don’t have relatives close to get support. I’m hoping you’re all staying in touch through phone calls, FaceTime, what ever works for you. I’m glad you have a hospice counselor available for you. I know they offer great support.
    David and I and so many others are also here for you and to offer support.
    ❤️ Robin
     
  15. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Butterfly,

    I am saddened your mother passed. Having no family support near you is very hard. It is great that the hospice person can assist you during this time of need.

    During this time of isolation it becomes extremely hard to keep your spirits up after a loss, as so many supports available are scarce. But you still can use a phone and the internet to call those who can help you from a distance.

    My sons just completed doctors appointments yesterday over the internet. Each of their doctors had a video session with them. They were asked all the questions the doctor needed and then they also were given answers to all their questions. So in this regard at least even though they could not physically see the doctor, they did in a roundabout way.

    Even though you have little contact with people due to this isolation, including your family, the phone is the best way to reach out right now to anyone. Since the passing of my parents, and my wife, just to name a few, I have grown closer to my siblings, a step-brother, and two sisters. Two of them live away and one in the same city. So the phone is used by me each day to call them, something that was not too regular in the past, as though life and our experiences had drawn us apart from each other.

    Today forward it is so different now. We have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Whether we or they or their children will get sick, and so the phone has become a strong form of support for me. Talking with them each day has been great. We have shared so many things from the past we knew of, but the best thing is, we now also have opened up to each other about so many private occurrences from each of our lives. So even if we now have very frank talks and always end our conversations with 'I Love You.' So this isolation has brought us back together again, that life had drawn us apart in the past. I hope that will never change in the future.

    Butterfly, what can you say about our mothers. You probably could write a book, I know I could. As you have said, 'Mom was so very loving, kind, and thoughtful." What more could you ask of a mother? Your memories will always be with you of your mother. As I read your words, I could see how your mother so profoundly affected you with her love and guidance. Mine was the very same.

    After my dad passed and I took care of my mother for two years, we had so many private talks. Thing each of us had never shared. She opened my eyes to how fulfilling her life was, and also how much pain in life she had overcome. Her first husband was killed in World War 2 on D-Day invasion day in Normandy.

    The most compelling thing she told me was how all her friends, parents and so many others feared the mailman during the war. If someone from your family was away at war, when it came time for mail you hated to see the mailman for fear of what he may bring. The day it happened to her she said her parents had to hold her up and help her forward in life. But the war brings people closer, like this war we each are living with Covid-19. You have no promises of tomorrow, and you have to take each day with caution.

    Butterfly, just remember, your mother will always be with you in your thoughts. Take each day you are given not lightly but with thanks that eventually time will move forward after the loss of your mother and you can tolerate it. Take care of yourself and watch out for despair. Peace be with you.

    -david

    This song is for you

     
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  16. Cesca85

    Cesca85 New Member

    Sorry for your loss. I just lost my mother on march 31st due to covid19
     
  17. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Cesca,

    I am saddened to hear of the loss of your mother due to Covid-19. I am going to cut and paste this post to the Covid19 forum for you to respond further there.

    -david
     
  18. Butterfly21

    Butterfly21 Member

    Dear David,
    Thank you so much for your beautiful words. Thank you for emphasizing talking on phone with my siblings.
    I am mourning the loss of my two believed cats, Samantha, and Patches. They are siblings. I surrendered them, and they were adopted. Patches was a part of me. I loved him so much, he was so sweet and handsome. Sammy was a princess. I had to move to a new apartment. The only apartment I could find doesn't allow pets. I feel so sad about giving them up. I miss them both so much.
    I broke my fibula bone twice in same place over last summer. It was very difficult for me. And, I had just started a job in Feb. Worked a month, and on furlough now, due to Covid. Do much loss, and so many changes. Thank you for the Danny Hokey song. Oh my gosh. I was crying. So beautiful.
    Thanks agsin, Butterfly.
     
  19. Butterfly21

    Butterfly21 Member

    Rather, Danny Gokey
     
  20. Butterfly21

    Butterfly21 Member

    Thank you very much Robin. Thank you so much for caring!!!