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My beautiful daughter Mia age 10 hung herself

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by My mia, Feb 22, 2020.

  1. My mia

    My mia New Member

    On New Year’s Day 2020 my 10 year old daughter hung her self in her bedroom while I was cooking the first meal of the year. Mia was a fun loving girl with no issues so all of this is a total shock to everyone that knew her. She was so loved how could this had happened? It’s been over 2 months and I still feel lost we went everywhere together she was a daddy’s girl and she had my wrapped around her finger from birth. She was the youngest child me and my wife had and if I dear say it very special to both of us. I am really trying to go through this grief but it’s very hard some days. I have noticed that most of the grieving sites don’t have that many fathers that writing nor have I found anyone that has lost a child so young (not that it matters) but I would love to feel connected with someone who has had the same experience. I feel lost and at this point nothing makes me feel any better. B23CD375-4773-464A-A8ED-59FCAE709F69.jpeg
     
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. She was beautiful. There are no adequate words that can touch your hearts.

    To lose someone special at such a tender age is so godly awful. When my closest uncle also hung himself, we found out sitting at the kitchen table, my dad, mom, my two sisters. Both uncle Jimmy and my dad had served in the navy during WW2. That day was hard to get past for us all. Uncle Jimmy did this after aunt Charlotte died the day before. There were a lot of tears in our house for a very long time.

    They both had such great stories of life, not the war. Later in life I would end up serving in the US Army, along with my brother, and we both served two tours in Vietnam. I served for almost 13 years.

    Life can be so darn cruel. It can take our most precious things from us without warning. I know they say time helps heal, but it has been almost 5 years now since I lost my wife 42 years to cancer. I still have many tears, and feel melancholy many days.

    I wish for the best for both you, your wife and your children. Please know I feel your pain. Take your time to heal, and don't ever feel like you can't talk to someone and never think you should ever stop thinking of Mia.

    -- david

    I hope you don't mind, this song is for you and your family:

     
  3. CedarTree

    CedarTree Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss, during my losses, I know that it took a long time before I felt anything other than fatigue and deep sadness. Even if you don't see any other Dads who have lost a young child, I'm glad you're writing. I hope you find other Dads who can support you. That confusion for the whys and what ifs are so painful when we don't have any answers. The picture of you two is so precious, what a loss. May you find your way through the grief with love and support to you and your family. <3
     
  4. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    CedarTree, I changed my icon back to me instead of my wife so people would not be confused that I am a male. My mistake if I confused anyone.
     
    CedarTree likes this.
  5. CedarTree

    CedarTree Member

    David, I wasn't confused and I love that you had your wife's picture as your profile pic. It sounds like you two had a really sweet love story despite all of your losses.
     
  6. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Thank you CedarTree, I know people can be taken aback by first impressions, and I want to make sure our naval soldier about knew I was a man, not a woman. Over the course of my life my losses have been many, varied and hard to get a handle on.

    My current biggest hurdle in life will be able to talk to my brother (step) brother to me. He grew up without a dad, as his died on the D-Day invasion. He was a naval hero to me. Each year as I grew up my brother Henry would withdraw from public during Veterans day, D-Day anniversary and I would tell him I understand. Finding the right words for him has been enormously hard over the length of my life. I hope before I am no longer, that I can face my brother, without tears in my eyes, a knot in my throat and tell him how much I understand his loss. So when I see another soldier asking for help, I want to reassure him, though our length of service may not match, for those who have served they understand the need when another soldier is asking for help.

    david
     
  7. CedarTree

    CedarTree Member

    I do think it's especially important that men find a way to talk....and I don't even care who they talk to. Our society doesn't always support men with their feelings and emotions. Figuring out how to talk about feelings can be hard and clumsy but it's so important in my opinion. I've always been someone who found it easier to share head than heart but I've worked hard at connecting more with my heart and others. I also have tried to think my way out of hard places when I learned it's easier to feel my way out...despite how painful it can be.
     
  8. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Even though loss is hard for you to open up about your young daughter, it is ok to just listen. Loss of a child is one that is hard to comprehend. When it is under harsh circumstances it is even harder to accept. I want you to know we all wish we could wipe away your sorrow, and show you a path forward beyond this tragedy.

    This is a poem written for the loss of child



    At times like these words are hard to come by, we try to speak and our words are caught in our throat, and tears fill our eyes, and our heart is heavy with pain. Our soul is troubled, and how you move forward seems so impossible right now. There are no easy answers for you. Only time will help you now move forward in life under this cloud of grief.

    I sincerely hope you will not give in to despair. You need time with your thoughts. Please reach out to others, keep your family closer, and also try to give strength to one another. I realize this is the worst time in your life.

    No one person can grasp the depth of your loss. Each of us take loss so differently. I do hope you have faith and even seeking help from a minister.

    When I was in the hospital after my wife’s passing, a minister of another faith came into the room where I was with others. He stopped and started talking to each one of us in the room. When he came to me, I looked up to him and looked in his eyes and freely opened up to him about how much I missed my wife. He let me do all the talking and when I was done he thanked me for talking to him and how sorry he felt and understood I was deeply hurt inside and needed time to heal.

    Please do what you feel comfortable with, but whatever you do, don’t withdraw into yourself. As hard as loss is to speak of you have to find the courage to open up, not just to yourself, your family, but others. Eventually, and slowly healing will come.

    This is a song of faith, I hope you are not offended, if you are I am sorry for offering it.



    For now, from a father, I hope you will sleep peacefully. You take care of yourself.


    david