Mothers Sudden Death - Hospital Neglect, Chronic Pancreatitis

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by LauraJade, Nov 10, 2019.

  1. LauraJade

    LauraJade New Member

    Hi All,

    Hoping I can share my grief with others to maybe ease the pain of suddenly losing my mother.

    She was diagnosed with Chronic Pancreatitis January of this year. It is a terrible incurable disease that leaves you in constant pain every day and limiting your quality of life because everytime you eat you are sick, everytime you move you are dizzy. She was only 62.

    My mum was admitted to hospital due to having another flare up pain attack. My husband and I had just seen her a week before where we took her to the beach and agreed she would come to live with us so we could take care of her. She had lost a lot of weight and I remember when I came home I just cried for hours because she looked like a skeleton, about to die.

    We visited her on sunday 6th October where she was heavily dosed up on morphine and couldn't get her words out but I managed to tell her that I loved her and we would pick her up on the Wednesday where she would come to live with us.

    Monday 7th October my husand woke me up 5am because he had 7 missed calls from my sister and I saw my phone had loads of missed calls. When i got through to my sister she said she was on the way to the hospital and that mum had a fall trying to use the commode next to her bed.

    The next 60 minutes were an absolute blur. My sister then said mum was on life support and that they may need to remove her bowel but not sure if she'd make the surgery. This was all so confusing as how could she be deteriorating so much from just a fall?

    The next thing in our family group my sister tells our brother and her kids to get to the hospital as mum isn't going to make the morning as her body is shutting down.

    I have watched many movies and read books where they say that the howel you let out when you know your loved one has died doesn't seem to be human. I remember this howel filling the car as my husband drove us to the hospital after reading at 6.34 that mum had died.

    How was this possible?

    We had only seen her the day before, talking about her moving in with us thinking we would be able to help her have a better quality of life with good care and diet.

    What was disturbing was seeing her in the same bed, same ward where we saw her the day before, only now she was dead. Her face was pale and drawn, eyes not fully close and forehead was frowning as if in pain.

    The doctors said that after her fall they think a shock to the bowel happened, causing her body to shut down.

    So many questions, so much anger.

    We washed mums body and that was harrowing. For weeks after her face haunted me, such an intrusive image that would force its was to the forefront of my mind. The doctor prescribed me Amitriptyline to help me sleep which did work but side affects of heart palpitations were horrible.

    As mums death was sudden and not linked to her Pancreatitis the coroner is still doing tests to determine cause of death.

    A couple of days after she died I did a subject access request to the hospital to provide all her medical details, charts, staff accounts of the week and day of mums death and it was horrific having to piece together a timeline of events.

    So many questions have been raised which i am still waiting on the hospital to respond to. Mums funeral was on 5th November, can't believe its been a month since she died.

    I find myself reading through people's grief stories because talking to friends and family doesn't help anymore because they are all dealing with the loss in their own way.

    Thank you to any who take the time to read these x
  2. Crfetty

    Crfetty New Member

    Hi there, it breaks my heart reading this. I'm am incredibly sorry for your loss. My mom fell down the stairs on Dec 4 and ended up with a severe spine fracture. She was in a coma from the moment the fall happened and she died one week later at the hospital. Very much like you, a completely random event left behind total devistation. I'm pretty lost right now, looking for answers that I know I'll never find. Wishing you care for yourself and slowness in this madness.
  3. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal Member

    I feel for both of you ladies. I understand what’s it’s like to have so many questions about the death of my mother too. She didn’t fall. She had triple bypass surgery and came out of surgery on life support. She never recovered and died 5 days later from kidneys and lung failure. The heart surgery was a success the doctor said so why did her lungs and kidneys fail. She was in good shape minus her heart and overweight. She was only 66. I’m waiting on the autopsy to find out more too. This happened Jan 20 and I’m still in shock. Just doesn’t seem to make sense but who am I to know when and how she should have died. One day I hope to accept it. Wishing both of you peace of mind.