Missing Mom

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by HankersKing6, Jun 23, 2020.

  1. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Active Member

    New to this so just trying to figure it out. My mom passed away 2 1/2 weeks ago and it seems like two years. Think of her everyday. Miss calling her. At times it consumes me.
     
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. The loss of someone we love so dearly is overwhelming. Or all consuming as you stated. It’s a pain you can’t even describe, and something, that’s why people who haven’t suffered such a loss don’t understand. Everyone here on this site understands that pain.
    I lost my husband suddenly to a massive heart attack. He was never sick, we thought he was healthy, took him in 2 hours. I went into a state of shock, stopped eating and sleeping, the pain feels never ending. That was 19 months ago, I’m in a better place now, I’ve lost a lot of weight but I’m eating of coarse, I do sleep better. I miss our wonderful life together but I do feel stronger. I’ve also lost both my parents, many years ago, but I know that loss as well. We think our loved ones will be with us forever, then when they’re taken and you feel the pain and loneliness it’s so difficult.
    You’re loss is very resent, take one day at a time, and come back to this site often and share your story and read others, it does help to know that you’re not alone in your pain. I hope you have family and friends offering support, either in person if possible with this pandemic going on or by phone or zoom or FaceTime.
    Take care of you, your Mom would want you to.
    Robin
     
    @APPY likes this.
  3. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Active Member

    Thank you so much. I needed to hear from someone this morning. Thank God for you. I cried myself to sleep last night and feeling sad this morning. One day at a time. Sorry for your loss.
     
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry your cried yourself to sleep. I know how that is. And thank you for for thoughts. I’m glad you did get some sleep though. Just try to get through each day, or moment, one little thing at a time. That’s all you’re up to right now. During this pandemic life is already hard, and with our losses it’s even more difficult. It is good to let the tears happen, so don’t hold back. Your Mom is with you, she helped mold you into who you are today. And I believe our loved ones are watching over us and trying to help.
    Try to step outside and breathe in fresh air, it’s good for you.
    Keep reading stories on here and sharing when you’re up to it. It does help. I didn’t find this site for 11 months and I was not doing well. It has helped me a lot!
    Baby steps
    Sending you hugs!
     
  5. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Active Member

    I appreciate your reply. Thank you. This feeling of sadness comes and goes to the point where at times I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I talked to her everyday on the phone when I was not with her. I miss that! I'm still reliving seeing her lying in a casket. Everyday!
     
  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Awe! I understand! That’s a nightmare that keeps coming up in your head. For me what I keep seeing is the amount of pain he was in that night and yelling in pain. But then I do picture when he called to me and he had thrown up. And he called me so calm and loving and said he thought he felt some better. And I told him not to move. Stay put. At that point we didn’t know it was his heart. And I also have other pictures in my head from that night some I’m thankful for and some that are like a nightmare. The memory I’m thankful for is when he was waiting to be rolled into the ambulance and he he yelled at least 5 times, I love you Robin! I love you Robin! So sweet and loving. My regret is that I didn’t answer him. I personally try not to think of him in the casket, it’s so hard to have that picture. I’m sorry that’s happening to you.
    Eventually you’ll be able to think of the good times and happy memories. That takes time too, because they will probably make you cry now. But it will happen.
    I know the feeling of missing the phone calls. After Ron passed I felt like my phone died too. No one checking on me no one texting me. It feels awful.
    I hope you have family and friends offering support. Through phone calls or some how. I know Texas has high numbers with the virus right now so I know support might be difficult but I’m hoping you have some people reaching out to you.
    You’re not losing your mind. You’re grieving the loss of your Mom and it’s overwhelmingly painful. We’ve all been there or are there. We know exactly how you’re feeling. Do your best to take care of you. ❤️
     
  7. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Active Member

    Thank you. I always appreciate a reply. It's not like misery loves company but I'm just glad to be able to connect with someone who truly understands. It seems as though you are very strong and I know it takes time. I'm happy for you to be able to cope better and give such sound advise. We certainly do have grief in common. What an appropriate name. Blessings to you!
     
  8. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    You’re very welcome! I hope I say things that might help. All I know is what has helped me and that sharing on here has been a life saver for me. I know that when I found this site I didn’t get a reply for a long time and thought this site won’t help me. But then I finally got a response, and I cried like a baby. The response hit home with me. Like that person was living my nightmare. But we all are. And the grief in common name is so perfect, you’re right.
    Get yourself to step outside each day and breath in fresh air. That’s whT my son made me promise I’d do when he was leaving to go back home to Florida. I promised him I’d try. Some days all I did was step out on my back deck, it I will say it does help. Fresh is good for you. And when I’m lacking motivation, which can be often, I step out and then push myself to do something, anything to get my blood flowing. Too soon for you to push, you need time.
    I know the pain you’re in and know what it does to our thinking, our brain is in a fog. I know how much it hurts and I just hope I say something to someone that might help them. Because this feeling we’re going through is overwhelming it’s impossible to explain and people just don’t understand. If I’m correct I think it’s about a month since you lost your Mom, try hard to take care of yourself. Eventually your memories will become blessings.
    ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
     
  9. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Active Member

    Another night thinking of mom with tears rolling down my face. I see her. She was very ill and in lots of pain, crying out for help. That was hard. So yes I am relieved that she is no longer suffering. But the void in my life is ....... Lord help.
     
    JoNas likes this.
  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to lose someone we loved so much. I’m afraid your feelings are normal, the loss is a shock to our system. And we can’t just turn a switch to make those feelings stop. Try some deep breathing exercises. Do you have support that’s helping you through this? Maybe you have someone that can come over and have a cup of coffee with or just talk to.
    Your loss is so resent, I wish I had a magic wand to take away your pain. It takes time and lots of it.
    I woke up in the night not feeling well. For me, not feeling well and not having Ron there to help me love me and take care of me makes me ache and feel sicker. Such a process we go through after losing someone so important in our lives.
    Keep reaching out on here. Sending you hugs!
     
    JoNas likes this.
  11. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Active Member

    Sorry that you do not have your Ron there physically to make you feel better. I do have a very supportive and loving husband of 34 years. And I can understand the importance of having a bond with a person whom you can trust; your friend, your lover, your confident. My husband is all those things to me and I am forever grateful. I can imagine your Ron being that kind of person to you also. I like this quote a friend shared...don't cry because they are gone, but smile because they came. You are blessed that he came into your life and you have precious memories of having experienced love. My husband tells me all the time "you better live" and I think your Ron would want the same. Cry. Breathe. Enjoy. Blessings. I support you.
     
  12. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so glad you have your husband for that wonderful support we all need. Ron was the best support imaginable I still use him as my inspiration to move forward and to do things. People just don’t understand our pain unless they’ve experienced it. This is a long bumpy road and so many ups and downs.
    Ron and I discussed being the one left behind after one of us passes. I was sure I’d go first, he was so healthy, I have RA which can affect your organs. He helped me with everything, and didn’t even think about it, he just did. He said he couldn’t live without me. And I said the same. But I’m here trying my best to keep going. I have 2 children, or we have 2 children. My daughter is my biggest support she lives 15 minutes away, my son lives in Florida but he reaches out to me often. They are my purpose in life now. We planned to close our business and retire this year. I closed it with help from my kids and I’m retired but won’t be traveling or doing any home renovations like we planned.
    I’m trying to live but it’s difficult when you’re alone most the time. We told each other to continue living when one of passes. Easier said then done. And with the pandemic I can’t even visit my son.
    I am at a point where memories don’t always make me cry, there was a time that was the case. Memories, songs, tv shows. Don’t cry because they’re gone but smile because they came. That’s a hard one, but I’m trying.
    Thank you for hour thoughts, it means a lot. I hope you’re doing ok today.
     
  13. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Active Member

    Yes I am doing pretty good today. But not a day goes by without thoughts of her. I'm sorry you are suffering with RA. I too have an autoimmune disease with leg weakness for which I take infusion every three weeks. So I do understand how important the help of a spouse means. If it were my husband gone...I can't imagine. I just pray we both can deal with our grief better. I did not mean any disrespect any all. I support you. Blessings!
     
  14. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m glad today went pretty good for you. Of course you miss your Mom and think of her all the time. It’s hard losing our loved ones. Can’t even express the pain we feel, there’s no words.
    So yes, you do understand the importance of help with these diseases, Ron did so much for me. Not that I want any one suffering, but it is nice to know someone who understands how much I depended on Ron, with so many things. Most people don’t understand how devastating our losses are or how much help and support we need with the diseases we suffer from.
    Thank you for your support. I hope you’re sleeping better at least some nights. I’m happy you have hour husband giving you great support. I’m thankful for my daughters support.
    Hope you can sleep tonight.
     
  15. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Active Member

    Am I doing this right by just going to reply from my last post and start a new one from there?? I hope so. Anyway I appreciate people taking the time to reply always. I am excited when I see a reply. Today was pretty good. I did some gardening and enjoyed working in my yard. I took a break, sat down and looked up in the sky. I immediately thought of mom. Is she alright and looking down at me? I feel lost at times. My niece, who lived with mom, called and said they took the furniture out my mom's room to make it into a sitting room with a day bed. That made me feel sad. But it is her house now. I'm sure I will cry when I go back and see that. Thanks for listening.
     
  16. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Yes you’re doing it right. I’ll admit this is very helpful but it can be confusing. I had to to ask how to start a new conversation. The way I see if your reply goes it’s good. Haha. I normally click on reply that’s under what you just wrote so it puts our last responses and my answer together. But it doesn’t really matter.
    I’m like you in that I enjoy gardening and working in the yard. It keeps my mind busy and looks nice in the end. I actually made a memorial garden for my husband. I put the very first air compressor we had bought for our business in the center. We kept it all these years so I decided it would make a nice center piece. I’m very happy with how it came out. Considering getting a bench to put in there too. I understand you wondering if you Mom is looking down at you. I believe our loved are looking down on us, watching over us and I believe they are all healthy now.
    Yeah it’s hard when the house gets changed and things moved out. When my Mom passed away, she had gotten into bed and left her slippers on the floor beside her bed. For whatever reason it gave me comfort seeing those pretty slippers sitting there. The last thing she did I guess. Well, my sister went in the house and moved them, at first I felt angry and then I cried, I cried like a baby. And then I saw my sister had moved many things that my Mom had placed in certain places. Such as my children’s pictures that my Mom had put on the small table next to where she would sit in the living room. My sister moved many things but didn’t take them so why move them. No one was living there so why? I told my brother everything that gave me a little comfort in the house is being moved and it’s making me ache. He found out it was my sister and told her she’s doing things to upset people. And she stopped for a while. But too late. My Mom was my best friend and I was mourning her and having such a terrible time, I just needed to walk in the home I grew up in and feel my Moms presence, take her in sort to speak. So, going to your Mom’s house and seeing furniture gone, I believe will be difficult. Maybe visit sooner then later so if she’s planning on taking other things out you won’t see a whole house change over in one visit. Just a thought. I hope you have things of your Mom’s that are meaningful and help you get through this so difficult journey. You’ll always have the wonderful memories and the love you shared. I know, so not enough, but in time these memories will feel wonderful.
    I believe with all my heart our loved ones watch over us. My Mom watches over me, and my Dad, too, but now I feel Ron watching over me more then my parents.
    I’m sorry if I went on too long, I’m hoping something resonates with you and helps you through another day.
    I’ll listen every day, everything you say and feel is all normal.
    ❤️
     
  17. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Active Member

    Thank you so much for this reply. I have read it several times. It makes me feel better. I too am starting a small section of my garden as a memorial to her. Great idea. Thanks.
     
  18. Tryingtoquit

    Tryingtoquit Member

    Hi, I'm so sorry to take so long to reply, I'm learning how to navigate the website, but it's so nice of you to answer. I literally have no one to talk with, and when my mom died my whole life changed, after 2years I'm just more lost and confused. It's so nice to see you guys here talking. I'd love to chat anytime
     
  19. Tryingtoquit

    Tryingtoquit Member

    Hi hankersking, I don't know if I'm doing this right, but I'll catch on, I'm going to check in here a lot, thanks
     
  20. Tryingtoquit

    Tryingtoquit Member

    I have a little shelf in my room, and it has some of my mom's things, it's like a little memorial and it helps me feel better