Miss my mom so badly today

About 4 weeks ago my mom was diagnosed with severe lung cancer and it was to late to do anything as for the cancer has spread to other parts of her body. All we could do was to make life easy for her.

On Sunday morning the 10th of January 2021 she was in a lot of pain and couldn't eat or drink or walk or move or anything, I was scared and didn't know what to do so I called an ambulance to take her to hospital to be checked out.

On Monday morning 11th of January 2021 I got a call from the hospital that my mom has passed away. I was in disbelief cause I believed she was coming home I even told her in hospital before leaving that she must not be scared or stressed they will look after her and I will come and fetch her again I even explained to her that I'm not throwing her away I just won't be able to come and visit as for the protocols at the hospitals because of the Corona Virus.

I feel so guilty cause what would have happened if I didn't call the ambulance might she still be alive or at least she would have died safely at home with me close to her.

I'm just in disbelief because I did not expect her to leave me so soon even though she was very sick.

I don't know how to cope with this pain feels like my heart is torn out of my chest especially today 13th January 2021 cause it's her birthday and she is being cremated today

 

Marcelia- sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel and i understand the guilt. i think my Mom had colon cancer- she died before they even diagnosed they did tell her she had a tumor in her colon. She also had severe diarrhea which is a symptom of colon cancer. She was also a diabetic and was on a lot of meds. She was sick the day before she passed and I just thought it was a bad cold. I'm not sure if she was taking her meds or not. The next morning we couldn't wake her she almost went into a diabetic coma. I called 911 and the EMT guys revived her. They told us to make sure that she was eating right. A few hours later she seemed to be fine and she told me and my Dad to go to town and buy some baggies- she was working on Xmas gifts for people at church- and go get her a fish sandwich from McDonalds. Dad asked her to go- she said no. We left and when we got back she was lying on the floor with her head against the oil heater next to where easy chair where she was sitting when we left. We moved her and I called 911 and they told me how to do CPR and kept doing it till the EMT guys got there. In a few minutes my brother came and both of us worked on her together till the EMT guys started working on her. They worked on her for a while and told us to leave the room. They came out to see us and told us there was nothing they could do- she was gone. We were in shock! I thought that she was going to be OK- we left her alive and found her dead when we got home. I felt guilty for leaving her- i thought if i had stayed i could have saved her. The death certificate says she died of a heart attack- arrhythmia- i believe it said. She took aspirin and had high blood pressure and took meds for it. I don't know if she forgot to take her meds or not. So she could just not taken her meds for a couple of days. All I know is that like you I am in pain and I wanted to reach out to you and let you know you are not alone. Please feel free to leave a comment on my page if you want. I will pray for you- please do the same for me!

 

There are no words to comfort anybody in these situations. No words can fill the empty space in our hearts. I lost my wife after 19 years in October. She went to bed and never woke up. She wasn't sick. The ME said it was caused by a bad tooth she had removed in June. Her heart stopped and she never even knew it the ME said not even a deep breath. Doesn't help me . My whole world was her. And her family. But it's like I am no longer a part of that. Haven't spoke to them in months now. It's like a divorce I guess.

 

Sucks! No sugar coat. I didn't want to join this club and the initiation is devastating. You will replay her transition scenario over and over again. Sudden death has given me a bit of PTSD. After seeking help ( 3 therapist) I found a book that is my sanctuary, the title is " It's OK that your NOT OK " by Megan Devine. She is a therapist who experienced sudden death and found the words and work to write about it. This book resonated with my experience and gave me permission to really grieve and find my way in my grief. Because its sort of a "rite of passage"and it doesn't go away. Its with your forever more. I wish you endurance and to find your way. May you be able to find joy in time. Your time. I wish you endurance, I wish you endurance, I wish you endurance ~

 

I am so sorry for your loss but I know how you feel all too well. My kids dad was murdered on fathers day 2020, my dad died unexpectedly November 19th 2020, and I lost my mom to lung cancer December 18 2020. It has been a long painful 7 months I feel lost broken my anxiety is everywhere all the time I'm pretty sure I'm depressed and I can't make sense of any of it. Today has been especially hard for some reason I just can't calm down and get my anxiety under control. I have seen more death In the past 7 months than I have my whole 38 yrs. I watched my mom fight for 3 yrs and at the end she fought her hardest battle the last week of her life. Every time I said this is the hardest thing i habr ever had to do life had more in store. It's hard I still need her. I still need all of them. My babies are 11,12, and 14 and they have already buried a parent. It's hard for me to focus on my own grief while my children are going through so much so early all at once. Again I am so very sorry for your loss and will keep you in my thoughts.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also lost my mother suddenly and unexpectedly on January 8, 2021.

I feel your pain.