Maybe she let me know she was OK

I believe our loved ones let us know as best they can we just have to be listening ans looking..i know i do..
Try anyways to keep my ears and eyes on some little sign from windy..
And like you i really try to dream of seeing windys face again in my dreams..
Dream of holding. Her again just one more time

 

If you are crazy so am I. One night I woke up out of a dead sleep and it was if my husband was there beside me wondering if I was okay. I reached out to his side of the bed like I was patting his hand and said I'm okay. He used to pick up pennies and now I find pennies in my path frequently. They say cardinals are a sign from someone who has passed on... well I have had several weird things happen with animals. Birds, squirrel, and it is as if they are not afraid. They have come extremely close and just sat and looked at me. It is like he is sending me gifts to let me know he is there.

 

When I was in my grief group we talked about this same subject about getting little signs from our love ones. The pastor that was leading the group called these signs "God Winks" which I really liked and use now. I thought I would put it out there for anyone else that would like to use it.

 

Definitely, 2 times, once i saw her sitting next to me, but when i finally reached over, nothing but a chair. Another time i was busy doing some/nothing and a voice from behind me, but i didn't hear what she said. i wasn't expecting it. pisses me off. I have pictures all over and I smile when I look at them, but i don't too often. I got nails to hang them on the wall and haven't done it

 

So sorry for your loss. You are not crazy. One morning when I was asleep after we had lost our son, I heard someone at our bedroom door saying, "Mum, are you awake?" Our son, Shawn, would come to our bedroom door every morning and say that to wake me up so I would spend time with him. It was so real, I got up and went outside in several inches of snow and walked all the way around our house looking for him. Thought it might have been our other son, but when I checked downstairs for him, he had already left the house that morning. I think we so long for our loved one that anything that can bring us comfort is so welcome, even without being able to figure it out. I say just accept any comfort you can without questioning it.
Have a peaceful evening.
Chris

 

On Wednesday of the week we lost our 28-year-old son, he asked me to stay home with him on Friday. I would have gladly jumped at the chance to stay home any other day because I really had never wanted to work and always had wanted to stay at home. However that Friday I was going to be doing hearing testing in the school and had students from the college coming to help me. I told Shawn I needed to be there since I had people coming to help me. (Later on I found out that those students were coming with a supervisor and that in the other building some of the speech therapists continued on with their regular routine without any guidance from them at all-so much for my importance that day.) I told Shawn I would be home in the afternoon and we could do something together then. He said that was okay because he probably would be sleeping anyway. He had a severe sleep disorder and slept a lot and I had been coming home at lunch to check on him because I was so worried about his mental state, so I figured he probably would do what he said. So I finished the hearing testing, and went home. This was the morning he shot himself. What more can I say, except I often wondered if he was using this as some kind of a sign to himself: if mother stays home, then I will go on. And if she doesn't, then it is time for me to leave. I will never know. Of course people told me he would have done it some other time anyway if not that day. I just have to accept the facts as they stand and accept the fact that there is nothing I can do to change it. It will do neither you nor I any good to beat ourselves up over what might have been. The only thing that helps is to accept what has happened and continue in our love for our dear family member.
May God send you healing for your great loss.
Chris

 

I finally came to realize at some point, that all of our 'if only this had happened...' or 'if only that had happened...", were my hurting grieving heart's attempt to bring my son back. It was my way of trying to change the circumstances so I could get him back. I realized I could not change anything or bring him back and that I was going to have to somehow accept that he was not coming back. God has since strengthened and healed me and I am hoping to be a source of support to those who are still hurting so much. I care about you and so do many others. Hang in there and stay in contact with all of us.
Chris
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