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Major anxiety about moving into the New Year

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Heartbroken Honey Bunny, Dec 29, 2019.

  1. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    I lost my mom when I was 29 and it was very hard. It took me many years to feel like myself again.. but eventually I did and became stronger. Sending you a big hug.
     
  2. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Yes we do have some good
    days and then we see some-
    thing that so reminds us of
    our loss.
    I was taking a walk the
    other day and saw a park
    bench similar to what I put
    together for my Sofie. Well
    that did not make me burst
    into tears but got me to think
    about her two sisters who
    could not get her into Hospice
    any quicker than they did
    I don't want to get over it,
    too much of something not
    good in that but to get trtough
    it and the only way is to say,
    "We had some great times."
    And to be gratefull for them.
    It is coming up to the 12th
    month and I know or feel
    very strongly, family will
    not say a word. . . never
    have since I came back to
    N.E.
    Early mornings are rough.
    The house is so quiet and you
    so remember many things of
    you and the love you lost, be
    it a spouse, best friend family
    member.
    I know I am very dis-illus-
    ioned about life and family.
    Seems that you reach a
    certain age, you are s'pected
    to keep it all inside, that
    does nothing but make you
    even more lonely.
     
    cg123 likes this.
  3. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    I have had many tiggers, just getting fuel at his work place and wanting to see him walk over and fill my car with gas. Going to the grocery store and not figuring out what I want to buy or even eat. I cry about the little things that are so silly sometimes but I just can’t stop the tears. Just knowing that 2019 will be the last year I file my taxes married was heartbreaking. Poor lady that did my paperwork probably thought this crazy lady needs to go home. And of course the sleep is hard to come by and the doctor wonders why or how to keep my blood pressure down , which has skyrocketed up because of all the stress. Just when I think ok I am going to have a decent day something comes up and I fall apart again. I love that new song by Demi Nobody’s listening. Rings so true in my life right now.
     
  4. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Dear Cora1961,
    I am sorry for your loss,
    Every1s loss. Having gone
    through this twice in four
    yrs it really sinks in and
    1s mortality seems very
    questionable.
    So gone is not only our
    dear love but the future
    as well.
    We want to be grateful
    for the love we had and
    thankful to God we had
    a great love but we will
    always ask,"Why did we
    have to lose him/her ?
    And all the events that
    lead up to that point.
    Every day is a chance for
    more triggers. Some I bring
    on on purpouse like me
    drinking coffee as Sofia did.
    Folgers dark rosst w hazelnut
    creamer. Cornbeef hash and
    2eggz. Might start making
    her banana nut breakfast
    bread.anything to keep her
    in mind.
    I know you hurt, like an
    unseen hand that swiped
    a big piece of our ❤.
     
  5. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your reply. It’s horrible but nice to know someone knows my pain. I don’t wish this pain and heartache on anyone. How long has it been for you and do u just get numb to the pain? Some days I just want to hide from everyone and everything then other days I just want to take my fake mask off and scream at everyone. I really trying to keep it together around people but sometimes I just can’t. I just try to get though the day without having a mental breakdown. And it’s hard to see others happy, I don’t mean that bad but I am always thinking why my husband??? People just tell me, ( it will get better!) but I am not the same person I was before and my life will never be the same again.
     
  6. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Dear Cora,
    Coming up to s year, just
    past the 11month. no we
    will never be the eay we
    were.. I knew true
    happiness but that is SO
    gone from me and I am
    to the point of not giving
    A frick 1 way or another.
    I try to stay busy with
    electrical projects and
    watching ooodles of
    Columbo mystery
    movies.
    I go to see mom an dad.
    Wish they'd stop giving me
    unwanted advice about my
    weight. i eat as I do out of
    flat out depression. I can not
    talk about my life eith them.
    They'd say thats bcuz u don't
    go to church. Father tells me
    "God had nothing to do
    with the women in ur life."
    Seemed like a mean thing to
    say for sure. Hr can b quite
    In appropriate and he does
    not give a damn cuz he feels
    he speaks the truth and that
    is all that matters. S'what it is.

    I Hope you have a good day.
    Ray G.
     
  7. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Cora, hope you don’t mind if I jump in here on you guys. I’ve read some of your posts, I am so very sorry for your loss and I can feel your pain. I know your pain, it’s debilitating. I know how you feel seeing other couples happy, I feel angry towards them too. Not to be mean but like you said, why me. I see people who don’t contribute to society, happy and enjoying life. My husband was a business owner in our community he contributed, and he’s gone. My loss was a sudden loss, he had a massive heart attack, in hours I lost the love of my life. And had to close our business on top of it. I couldn’t run it myself. That was 15 months ago. I miss him dearly, my life will never be the same again. And friends and relatives don’t understand. If they haven’t suffered such a loss there’s no way they can understand. I feel stronger then I did early on but it’s still a day to day process, I miss my everyday regular life, going go work with my husband. Having coffee break together, getting groceries etc. everything. I’m now managing our house alone, doing things he would never let me do and it’s a scary feeling. I have triggers that set me off, happens out of no where. Even driving is a trigger, Ron drove me everywhere, and took care of me. His birthday was a couple days ago, that was a terrible day for me, so lonely and just plain wrong. I haven’t gotten numb to the pain I don’t know if others have, everyone is different, everyone is on their own journey in their own time. I don’t know if you have children, but my children have been such a wonderful support. They don’t judge, they’re available and listen and they understand the pain because they’re feeling it as well. What has helped me the most is trying to stay busy, but I have days I just sit at the kitchen table. Live day to day, try to get fresh air, if today is a bad day, let things wait. I know, for me, reDing other people’s stories and knowing I’m not alone in this god awful feeling feels comforting in some way. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but knowing we’re all feeling this torture and it’s not just me, is helpful. People on here care and will reach out. I’ve made some life long friends on here I’m hoping you do as well.
    Wishing you better days ahead.
    Robin and