LOOKING FOR A GRIEF GROUP? General Grief Support Tuesday June 15 at 2 pm EST - JOIN US!

Love you always,Grandpa!

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by ann11ac, Dec 12, 2018.


Have you ever dreamed of you loved ones after their passing?

  1. yes

  2. no

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. ann11ac

    ann11ac New Member

    Hello everyone. I am looking forward into sharing my story as I feel it might help others.
    My parents got a divorce when I was 2 years old and I have been raised by my grandparent ever since. There was not a day in my life that I did not spend with him. He was the strongest and wisest person I have ever met.
    8 years ago, in 2010, he had a heart bypass surgery, that is when the doctors first discovered a tumor in his lungs, but he had been under anesthesia for too long to also get that removed. His recovery lasted for almost 4 years when, in 2014 he was officially diagnosed with lung cancer, but the chemotherapy, radiotherapy and all of that did not work.
    In these 4 years, never have I ever heard him of complaining. He was in the worst kind of pain, but when I was by his side, he was joking, when I was crying, he was telling me to stop because I don t have a reason. In his final days, he lost consciousness as the tumor has spread to his brain, but I was the only one he was recalling.
    On 25th June, I was out with a friend and it got late so I decided that I should go home instead of visit him. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. I got home and for some reason, I decided to watch a movie as I usually hate movies, but this one ended with a girl dying of cancer and for a second, just a second it passed through my mind the thought of him dying.The next thing I know, my phone rang. My grandmother telling me that I should come over. 26th June 2018,02:35 a.m.
    When I got there, he was already gone. I stood by his side crying and begging him to come back for almost 6 hours after which I felt asleep. I dreamed of him talking to me saying that he is so happy that he is not in pain or sick anymore, he is relaxed and peaceful and that he is with me anytime anywhere, but I need to be strong. He hated black, so they dressed him in a dark green suit. At his awaken, I got him his favorite juice, candies and pies, but I kept on staying by his side for almost 10 hours. That night, I dreamed of him talking to me describing everything, the way he was dressed and he specifically mentioned a black leather belt that I didn't know anything about but my mother confirmed later that he was wearing, the people who were there telling me that I even got him his favorite food and that I made him so happy. At the funeral, I spent the whole day by his side, trying to warm up his ice cold hands with mine, again begging for this to be a nightmare.
    For the next three months, I kept on dreaming about him talking to me, telling me that he is so happy where he is, but it makes him sad to see me that lost as I was refusing to get out of my bedroom. After months of not sleeping, barely eating, crying and screaming, I made peace with cancer.
    Cancer, I have accepted the role you had in his life as you have shown him how strong he really is, fighting with you daily for over 4 years and thank you for waking me up, showing me that bad things aren't happening just in news or on TV and that I should not take for granted time with my loved ones. I hated you and I will hate you forever for taking away my superhero away, my light, my angel.
    Grandpa, I can't describe how much you still mean to me, you are not just a part of me, I am you as all I am I am due to you and what you taught me for which I can't thank you enough. I love you with my whole heart and I miss you more and more everyday. There is not a moment that passes by that I don't think of you and I wish there would be anything I could give, I wish all those flowers I buy for your grave daily could bring you back because I am better with you.You are my guiding light and my superhero. If I were to die right now, it would be ok because I least I would get to see you again. Rest in peace, beautiful angel, until we meet again..

    For everyone dealing with a loss of someone due to an illness like cancer, think of what my grandpa said, that he is relieved he is no longer sick, that he is happy but he can't bare the thought of seeing me sad about this. Make peace with cancer. Remember, he only wins if you let it win.