Lost without him

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Kayley spitler, Sep 5, 2019.

  1. Kayley spitler

    Kayley spitler New Member

    I'm 21 years old and I lost my dad may 16th of this year because of a reckless driver and was basically squished on impact. I live in Tennessee and he lived in texas. When I got the call that morning, everything since then has been different. Due to the job I had at the time I was unable to go to his funeral, neither me nor my sister did, but she wasnt as close to him as I was. I think me not being able to go has made this process so much harder. I cant sleep, I cry nonstop, and I have physical pains like never before. Everything has seemed to progressively gotten worse since he has died. I've had relationship issues as well. I feel stuck and down in the gutters all the time. It seems like after the first few days of him being dead everyone all of sudden cared about me, but that only lasted for a little while. It's been almost 4 months and I cant recall the last member of family/friend that I have to check on me or even mention his name. I understand everyone goes through grief differently and has their own way of comfort, but I also believe that a normal family would try to be there for each other. I have had no one to talk to or just even cry to, and it has made it worse for me and now I feel stuck in a deep depression of not wanting to continue on my life without him. He was the back bone to everything in my life.
     
  2. riverinohio

    riverinohio Active Member

    I am so sorry that your dad passed. You are not alone in grief. My dad too passed last December and all I do is cry. Grief is relentless and strikes at any time. As I was reading your post I could almost feel your pain. I was extremely close to my dad and the depression I have felt has been awful. Your loss is new so your pain is going to be intense for awhile. I really don't talk to anyone in my family about it. We too don't check in on each other. I know though my dad would want me to go on with my life. He was a fighter and he taught me to do the same and I am trying to do that in his honor. Your dad would want you to carry on. I will say that for a while you will feel very low so its normal to feel that way just try to find the courage to live in a way that honors him and what you think he would wish for you. Be kinder to yourself too which is essential. In the beginning I tried to find a grief counselor but they are limited where I live. Write down your feelings, that is helpful. I think you coming on this site for support is a good step. Hang in there because it is going to be rough but what has gotten me through is what I think my dad would want for me. That has been my saving grace. I hope this helps a little.
     

  3. I lost my Dad two weeks ago and its so painful i feel like i cat breathe sometimes. I feel like i am in a bad dream and desperately want someone to wake me up. It hurts so much. How will i leave with this pain. He literally raised me up, he was my best friend. How do you live with this pain. I just feel like i am not strong enough to get through this
     
  4. riverinohio

    riverinohio Active Member

    Your loss is brand new and I must tell you that you will feel overwhelmed by the sadness and this may last for quite some time. I felt like I was suffocating. I couldn't catch my breath that I cried so intensely and was so sad and depressed. My dad was my best friend and he gave me purpose in life. You can take two roads, either go on or give up. I know that my dad would want me to live and not give up because he sure didn't. Your dad would want you to live. I gave up 7 years of my life to take care of him without an income and this year has been the worst. I had to find a new purpose and I feel alone without him. I am going to live my life honoring the man who gave me so much. The pain you are experiencing is unbearable and that is what grief is. I still cry every single day and sometimes I wonder how I am going to move forward but I know that if I gave up my dad would not want that for me and he didn't raise me that way. Please talk to a grief counselor to help you. Keep on this site and share your story. It does help to know you are not alone. The feelings are at times unbearable. I am so sorry for the pain you are going through but you are definitely not by yourself. I would write in a journal to get your feelings out and try to speak to someone about your grief. You will feel this feeling for a while and I am sorry to say that but just hang in there, your dad would want you to do that. Live your life in a way to honor him and that is the greatest gift of all.
     
  5. It helps to have someone who understands what i am feeling. My friends and family are trying to support me but i feel they just don't understand my pain. I understand your feeling of being alone, i feel like my whole world came crashing down and my joy is gone. The person that was always there for me and made me who i am today. Its hard to think i will have to leave with this big hole in my heart. You are right, my Dad would definitely not want me to give up. I will leave a life that honors him even though its so hard right now with all this pain. The last video he sent me was about not giving up and i am trying not to do that. I will definitely try writing in the journal and speaking to someone. Thank you so much for your words
     
  6. riverinohio

    riverinohio Active Member

    I am so glad that I could help you. Anytime when you need encouragement I will help you. The experience of losing my dad has been a learning one for sure. I am trying to figure out my life without him because I literally spent 12-14 hours a day with him and it has been gut wrenching to say the least. I have decided to take care of myself and am working out and going back to school so that I have a purpose. Find a focus and some type of purpose. You will make your dad proud even though he was while he was alive. You got this, just be kind to yourself and know that this journey is going to be painful, sad and you are going to cry a million times. I still cry and wonder when it is going to let up. Grief will hit you anytime so just prepare. Just always know that you never know when looking at someone what they are going through and that they too may be hurting from something. Writing your feelings will be a big release of emotions too. Hang in there but you can survive this..you are your father's daughter, right? :)