Lost the love of my life

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Danabeau, Jan 2, 2019.

  1. Danabeau

    Danabeau Member

    I just lost my husband on Dec 14 he lost his battle with cancer after a 3 years I am at a loss he was the love of my life we were married for 27 yrs I have never felt pain like this before I didn't know my heart could hurt so bad. I just want him back so bad it hurts. I'm just lost and I just can't seem to pull myself together I know it takes time but as the time goes by it seems to get harder each day
     
    Reremilz and Pat Branam like this.
  2. ksteve

    ksteve Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I just cringe each time there is a new posting. I'm not an expert at this and for the past two months I've been trying to deal with this. It does hurt like no other hurt I've ever had before. I swear I talk to my wife more than when she was alive. Every conversation I have ends in tears. I can't believe everything I touch, pictures, conversations with others, and even tasks like grocery shopping, cleaning house, and cooking are painful. I used a hand mixer and the beaters would not stay in. How on earth did she ever use this mixer? I went out and bought a new one and I had the same problem. Solution - I wasn't snapping them in place. If I would have only given this some time I would have figured it out. Grief has consumed us and we are struggling to even live. There is no more normal and the normal we seek will never be. I want to carve out a place in my mind for these feelings and try to move on. Right now it's taking up a heck of a lot of my mind and heart. It will never go away and I don't want it to. I do have children and grandchildren to live for so and that's what I promised to my wife. So each day I try to create another space in my mind and heart to move forward and survive. I don't know what the mix will be between grieving and moving forward but I've been told it gets better with time. Each one of us is different and there is no cookie cutter approach or time frame. Like you, it does not get better each and every day and the tears continue to flow. But I am starting to figure some things out and realize this is the new "norm". My faith says I will meet up with her again so I want to make sure I have some good stories to tell her when I get there.
     
    Reremilz, Pat Branam and Danabeau like this.
  3. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your husband.
     
  4. Beccy

    Beccy Member

     
  5. Beccy

    Beccy Member

    I’m sorry, I lost my husband on the 15 December following cancer. I can’t get my head around it he beat the cancer but then was admitted for something different then ending up losing his life in hospital to pneumonia and other health problems, it just seems so cruel and unfair.
     
  6. Danabeau

    Danabeau Member

    I am so sorry for your loss I just feel like it's never going to get easier each day that goes by I miss him more and more
    I find it hard to get up on the morning trying to get my day started I know he's in a better place but it just doesn't seem fair all I want to do is put my arms around him and tell him that I love him. I want him back so bad some times life just doesn't seem fair. I agree life can been cruel at times and this is one of those times
     
  7. Beccy

    Beccy Member

    Thankyou for your reply.
    How old was your partner? I find everything so hard, even trying to watch programs we watched together is so hard.
     
  8. Danabeau

    Danabeau Member

    He was 65
     
  9. Danabeau

    Danabeau Member

    How old was your partner
     
  10. Beccy

    Beccy Member

    How did he die,? If you don’t mind me asking?
    My husband was 43, I’m 37, I don’t know how to handle this..
     
  11. Danabeau

    Danabeau Member

    He died from cancer beat it once for 7 months then it came back I.am 48 I know what you mean about not knowing how to handle this it just drags me down every day and it seems like there's no where to go
     
  12. Beccy

    Beccy Member

    I’m so sorry for you, it’s just so cruel and unfair, that they do everything to fight it. I’m so lonely and lost. I have family but they can’t imagine what it’s like for me, he was my whole world, we did everything together and now I have nothing.
    Do u have any children?
     
  13. Danabeau

    Danabeau Member

    Unfortunately we didn't have any children and that breaks my heart it's just one of those things that didn't happen and I wish we would have. He has a son and a daughter and grandkids. His son and wife come.over and check on me my sister.calls me just about everyday
     
  14. Beccy

    Beccy Member

    It’s good that you’ve got people around who you can talk to. Do u feel you can talk to them?
     
  15. Danabeau

    Danabeau Member

    For some part I can but they just can't really understand the pain I know that they are here for me. So you have children
     
  16. Beccy

    Beccy Member

    I know what you mean about family, that mean well but no one can ever really understand how unless unfortunately they have lost someone.
    No we never had children.
     
  17. Danabeau

    Danabeau Member

    I lost my mom when I was young and watched my dad go through this same thing. Sorry to hear you didn't have children
     
  18. Beccy

    Beccy Member

    It’s ok that we never had any children, we both agreed that we didn’t want any. Too be honest I’m glad, I would of hated my children to have suffered his loss. I find it completely devastating, I’m so lost and lonely without him, it hurts all the time.
    Do u work, or have things to keep you and your mind busy.?
     
  19. Danabeau

    Danabeau Member

    Yes I work I leave home at 5am and get home @ 6pm the only bad part with this is I have to dogs that are inside dogs and no one to let them out because everyone is working. Do you have a job
     
  20. Beccy

    Beccy Member

    I have a dog , which helps. But I don’t work, which I find really hard as I’m alone in our flat day and night.