Hello, I am new as of today. July 28th 2018 I lost the love of my life. We were married for 25 years, together for 34 years. It is so unreal, we went to the dump that morning, returned a borrowed trailer and we stopped at the casino for a very brief amount of time. We walked to the Harley in the parking lot, he said he was going to work and I had some running around to do. I gave him a kiss, told him I loved him, he told me he loved me, (he had a smile on his face I will never forget), I turned away and walked to my vehicle and left. Later that day I tried calling him a few times but no answer. It wasn't odd that he didn't answer so I just ignored it and hoped he would be home early so we could go to the races that evening. About 8:00 pm - 8:30 pm a friend of ours pulled in the driveway and I noticed a Sheriff had pulled in before him but was parked on the street. Our friend told me we have to go; the Sheriff asked if I was Mrs. Brown (Julie) I said I was. He said there has been an accident and that Todd (My husband) was in the hospital and he was sorry to tell me he didn't make it. He told me Todd had been swimming and drowned. I told him he was wrong and it wasn't Todd. I asked our friend what was going on and he said we had to get to the hospital. I collapsed, fell to the ground and cried. We got into our friends truck, the Sheriff gave me a number of the medical examiner said they were picking Todds body up and taking him to Everett. I wanted to see my husband, I told the Sheriff I don't even know if it really is my husband. He told me to call the medical examiner so I did. I told them I wanted to see my husband they said I couldn't go to that location and I had to wait until he was in the funeral home. They asked me some questions and later that night 11:30 pm-12:00 am they called me and said they matched finger prints and it was Todd. Nothing about this makes any sense to me. I am waiting for the police report. My husband knows how to swim, but hasn't gone swimming in 13 years. The person who was with him changed their story, so I don't know what really happened and I probably never will. Todd was suppose to be at work. I am so lost without Todd. He was my everything! We never had children due to it never happened for us, and I am so alone. We moved here from MN 16 years ago. I feel lost, heart broken, mad all at the same time . I lost everything I had that night. I am having his memorial on Aug 25th. It's so hard to do this. I just want him back but I know that will never happen. I honestly don't know what to do. My brother and Todd's brother in law and Todd's best friend (all from MN) are driving out next week for the memorial and my neice is flying out. I just don't know how to handle this. It's so hard! I went back to work today but I cried all day. I feel I have nothing left. It's like nothing matters anymore. I am just trying to give him the best memorial I can (no life insurance policy, I live paycheck to paycheck the way it is) so I have no choice other than to go with the basic of everything. He deserves better than that. Some friends set up a go fund me page and that is helping me cover what I need to for laying my husband to rest. I have always be a "fixer" and I can't fix this and it's beating me up inside. Has anyone gone through anything like this? How did you or how are you getting through it? How do you get through the day? What was your reason for even getting out of bed?