Lost my wife to suicide

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Jeremy Bayne, Sep 3, 2018.

  1. Jeremy Bayne

    Jeremy Bayne New Member

    I recently lost my wife to suicide , in the 26th of may 2018 , I did not choose to be on this horrible journey but had no choice, I have 2 boys who are getting through okay , I loved S more than life itself and would have done anything for her , I suppose I am wanting to check if anyone else is consumed literally 24/7 with the person they lost , big prayers to everyone who has lost and is on the journey with me .
    J
     
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. I don't know what was going on with your wife that made her take that action, but I don't know that it really matters at this point. You have kids you have to raise. I don't have any advice for you given that I have not lost a spouse. I do know what it is like to grieve for a loved one though - as do all of us here. Hope you find this site helpful.
     
  3. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Jeremy, I am so sorry for your loss. I've spoken to so many grievers throughout the years who have found themselves consumed by their loss and with thoughts of their loved one. And I think the manner in which you lost your wife also plays a role as it leaves behind so many questions. I'm including an article from our blog that you may relate to as it applies specifically to your type of loss: https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/suicide-overdose-5-things-only-survivors-understand/.
    In the meanwhile, if looking to connect I find people always get more responses when commenting on an existing thread (as opposed to starting a new one). It may be worth trying as I know we have a number of grievers here who truly can relate. I'm glad you are reaching out for help, it is such an important step, and I hope you find some comfort here. Please let me know if you have any questions about the site or anything else~ we are here to help. Take care
     
  4. Travis Rowley

    Travis Rowley New Member

    There really isn’t a section for confused, so I’ll start here as my story seems a little similar. My wife and I were both ill and had been disabled since 2012. I say that to iterate the fact that we were both taking PRESCRIBED medication. When I got sick my wife was my rock, she always had an answer and had a way of making me feel better, even though her illness was far worse than mine. We raised our kids the best we could and for the most part as a family does, we took care of each other. Until Dec 2017 when everything changed again. I won’t get into the specifics but wife was suicicidal over this incident and had already written her final messages. We talked through this but she want the same, I convinced myself that she was OK and asked her to tear up the notes she had written. To me this signified the step she had taken and I completely believed that we were going to be alright. Then in fall 2017 something happened to me and as hard as I try to remember this time period is all a blur. We made it through the winter (wish I knew how) and then in Feb 2018 we had another bomb drop and this might have been the straw, then March 9th came. My wife was tired as she had a long day and at 7:30, she went to bed. About 30 mins later I heard her up and thought I should check on her to make sure everything was OK (my wife suffered from Lupus and Grand Mal Seizures). She was in the bathroom, a little groggy but otherwise just fine. I helped her into bed and she fell face first on the bed, I tried to turn her over but couldn’t and she normally slept on her stomach. So I figured she would be fine and I would be up to bed as soon as my show was over. I fell asleep downstairs on the couch. My wife had a support worker coming over in the morning and unfortunately she was the one to wake me up and check in my wife. Now here’s where I lose it or I guess the confusion sets in. Everything pointed to her death being due to suffocation after a seizure but I knew my wife’s mental state and couldn’t help the thought from creeping in, maybe she took her own life. Then everything is a blur, the police, the firemen, the EMTs, my family, my friends, I don’t remember any of it. From what I’ve been told I just stayed in bed in a daze, crying my eyes out, blaming myself and that’s when I tried to be where my wife was. Again I don’t remember any of this but I woke up in the hospital 3 days later. It’s now been 7 months and it still feels like it just happened, not sure if that will ever go away. For the first few months all I could think of is “how can I leave this place to be with her”. Then about 3 weeks ago a friend finally dragged me out of the house to clear my head. Hard to say that I had an epiphany or maybe just a moment of clarity but in my head I heard her again. I knew how she would feel about me living as I had and no matter what I thought about the way she died, I know in my heart she would want me to get up and move forward. No one ever believed me in as she did. So that’s what’s I’ve decided to do, I’m going to move forward, not just for our kids but,for ME. Not sure if this helps or is even relevant but this was our story and will always be our story. BTW she was only 43, whatever the reason she was taken too soon!
     
    griefic and LindaH like this.
  5. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Travis, thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds like you've been through so much, and the fog and the blur that you described, especially immediately following your wife's passing, is very common. When things happen suddenly it can take a lot of time to process what has happened. And for some, when that fog lifts I find it can be even harder as the reality sets in. I was so happy to read of your friend and the change of perspective you found. Sometimes that's all we need, just the smallest nudge in a different direction. Thinking about our loved one and what they would want for us now can be a huge motivator in moving forward and I think that's something you can continue to return to any time you feel down. Again, I thank you for sharing your inspiring story with us and we're so glad to have you here. I wish you all the best~
     
  6. lflores413

    lflores413 Member

    Jeremy,
    I have two children who lost their father and they are heart broken. So many questions that will never be answered, We don't know what goes on in the minds of others. I find asking why and what if, only ends in heartache. I try to avoid thinking of him in order to function throughout the day but the truth is we must face it We must cry until we cannot cry no more.