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Lost my wife to cancer.

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by JohnFS, Jun 8, 2019.

  1. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    Yes I pray we both get what we need and all who are suffering get it also. This damn disease is just evil to its core; all of the pain and suffering loss it deals out and it does not discriminate. I feel so much sorrow in my life and for those of us here.
     
  2. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    John, you are so right cancer just plain sucks and does not discriminate at all. It seems though to pick those who truly don't deserve it. I've met some of the nicest kindest people at the cancer center who were also suffering but found a way to smile even laugh. It's amazing to see folks like that who know they have little chance to live yet show the good side of them. After going there every other week for 12+ years, I got to know a lot by name. I pray that some day a cure comes for cancer so that no one has to suffer like that
     
  3. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    I’m glad to be of some help to you because it actually helps me also. I can truly feel the sorrow and heartache of our loss when you or others write about it; but I also feel the compassion that people offer to each other on here when they themselves are hurting as much or more. It helps to strengthen my faith in my God and the goodness of people that actually care. This helps me a great deal in my own healing when I can do just a little in helping someone else. “I think the last statement might be true for a great many of us on this site.” I really hope you don’t EXPLODE, but I do wish you well and a soft place to land when the emotions do come. Remember we are here for you if you need a friend.
     
    Dave33085 likes this.
  4. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    12 years! Wow! I hear and perfectly understand what you mean about how amazing they are when faced with what’s ahead for them. That is an acceptance with such grace, strength and faith that I can only grasp. Do you still stop in there? I pray daily for a cure.
     
  5. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    Well said John. It's as if you were reading my mind. I hope you have a great day my friend
     
  6. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    I really should go back to visit but it seems as though I don't have time for anything. Between working full time and taking care of my dogs, house and household chores my schedule is full. If I want to do something, I have to use a vacation day from work. Not only that but I live about 25 miles from the treatment center which is in the middle of the city. It takes me about an hour to get there with traffic and all. I made that trip so many times I could do it blindfolded. I know it sounds like excuses but the place still has bad memories for me. I spent a lot of time there watching my wife go through her treatments. One time she had an allergic reaction to the chemo she had been getting. They called for a crash cart and I thought I was going to loose her then. Maybe some day after I retire, I'll take the time to visit those getting treatment and maybe fill some with hope.
     
  7. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    I completely understand about the bad memories, I did not mean to bring any of that back for you.
    The time we spent in Houston hold similar memories for me and I do not want to revisit that place.
    We spent a little over a month just in the palliative ward, what we thought would be just a few days ended up being over a month, "my wife was a fighter to the end." The people and nurses were great and very caring; we also grew to know their names and personalities, they even reached out and sent me a condolence card which was very thoughtful of these people that treat people with this disease on a daily basis. One of the nurses that grew quite fond of my wife even called me a few days after her passing to offer her condolences, which touched my heart so very much. She is a very sweet person.
    On the palliative floor we were stuck in a room for over a month, my wife could not be moved or even go for a walk down a few floors for a haircut because she was on high flow oxygen, and I could tell that her spirit was breaking on a daily basis,. One of our nurses told me about a guy name Mac that was the go to guy to make things happen. Mac worked in the physical therapy department; he came by and talked to my wife and known she had been stuck in that room for over 2 and a half weeks by this time. Well Mac was the man! He figured out a way for my wife to leave the room and go down and get a haircut. When the time came,we put her in a wheelchair and rolled one Christmas tree with us, we carried 4 bottles of oxygen, one on the wheel chair , one on the tree and 2 on a bottle dolly and my wife wore a non-re breather mask that worked great, as we rolled her out of her room all the nurses was lined up along the hall and Mac played the song Jailbreak by Thin Lizzy and all the nurses were clapping and smiling. My wife had such a big smile on her face my heart soared with joy! After having her hair washed and cut we had 2 bottles of oxygen left so Mac decided we would go outside to the gardens, it was a beautiful day and my wife loved it and I just loved being with my wife. This man went out of his way to show my wife such a beautiful time that I could never repay his kindness. She passed not long after that but I will never forget the smile on her face.
    These are special people that work at these Palliative and Hospice places. This is just a special time there that I wanted to share with you and others.
     
  8. Amanda B

    Amanda B New Member

    Wow, that's a BEAUTIFUL story, and I bet that many of us who have spent months and years in the cancer treatment areas can think of those special people that made such a difference (angels?)! I remember the feeling of being thrust into a world that we didn't even know existed, with some of the kindest people we'd every known. When my husband's birthday came up just 2 1/2 months after he died, the most fitting thing I could think to do was to send in breakfast for them and a thank you card. I plan to do it every year. They are special, and while I *want* to be able to go back there because I appreciate all of them for their work, it's just too hard - too many tough memories where on the one hand, this wasn't my husband but on the other hand, he was at his very best. Hugs to this group :)
     
  9. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    You are right Amanda, there are Angels among us, we just need to be open enough to accept their help and recognize them for who they are because most of them never receive the recognition or appreciation they’ve earned. I do understand that some prefer to stay in the background but still, just a simple thank you would be enough.
     
  10. Amanda B

    Amanda B New Member

    Thanks, Cathy. It's such a thing to be thrust into isn't it? A whole world you know nothing about until you get there.
     
  11. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    Wow John, what an awesome story. Thank you for sharing that. It is the people who care for our sick ones that make being sick a little easier. They are special people. There were many people who took care of my wife who also did things up and over what they had to just do her life could be a little easier. After a round of radiation, my wife got an infection along her rib wall. They started her on a heavy dose of antibiotics and admitted her. A friend of ours daughter was getting married in the next two days and my wife really wanted to go but they didn't want her to go because it was important she stay on schedule with her antibiotics. Well she begged then and the one PA said she would hook up a pigtail to her port but it was very important she get her dose at the scheduled time. The wedding was 2 1/2 hours away and she was going to be due for a dose while we were in transit. I have an F350 dually and the ride isn't the best but I rigged up a wire off of the sun visor and she hung her IV bag off of it and gave herself her dose of antibiotics while I was driving across the interstate. Goes to show you the will power my wife had. We made the wedding in time and she got her medicine. We are at camp now and things are going pretty good. I had a little hiccup when Tim McGraw came on the radio with "humble and kind". It was the song my kids and I picked to play in the background of the photo loop they played at her funeral. So needless to say, it stirred up some emotions. I'm dealing with them and remembering that she would want me to have a good time so I'm giving it my best shot.
     
  12. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    I don’t think your wife was not going to take no for an answer! Thankfully the PA realized the importance to your wife and made it happen. Sounds like your wife was a very strong willed person when she set her mind to something. Tim McGraw's song “ humble and kind”, man his voice can really pull at the heart strings. I bet that was the perfect song for her photo loop. You keep giving it your best shot and I will too. I hope you guys have great time.
     
  13. Cathy Mccoy

    Cathy Mccoy Member

    Yes Amanda..I had no idea what bile duct cancer was. Much less that it even existed. Its scary
     
  14. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    I’ve stayed busy doing work around the outside of the house through the weekend as much as I could with the heat to keep my mind occupied , had to take regular breaks to cool down. No matter how busy I was I would still get hit with the waves where I would have to stop and cry it out or just keep working through the cry. I miss her so very much. The weekends were ours and I miss that. Now I just do minor repairs or make changes I’ve been wanting to do for a while around the house. Staying busy is all I know to do, if I just sit around I feel I could really fall off the deep end. My heart hurts so much! I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take, it gets so overwhelming sometimes.
     
  15. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    John, home now and had an awesome time. Spent a lot of quality time with my kids and grandkids. Just sitting here thinking about the really good time we had this weekend. It would have been really easy to tap out this weekend but I'm so glad I went. I got to bond with my grandson like never before. Damn, you sound like a guy that I could spend a weekend with at camp and have a great time. If I ever get plans to get back to Texas, I'm going to look you up. Glad to call you my long distance friend. And yes my wife was very strong willed! Not many people would have made it through what she did for 13 years! She was awesome! She's what keeps me going. God bless you my friend. Have a great day!
     
  16. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    I’m glad you guys had a good time. I know it’s easier said than done but staying engaged in life brought you to a situation to bond with your grandson. That’s really cool! If you ever make it out to this desert you might like the heat and having no trees too much you might not ever want to leave. Forrest’s of trees and nice rivers for fishing seems a bit overrated if you ask me. lol. You seem like a pretty good guy also, I think we would be good friends.
     
  17. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    John, if I took you on a tour of the 525,000 acres of national forest, let you see the sun rise through the trees, see a fawn deer nursing from her mother, drink water from an ice cold spring, sitting in the middle of it all hearing absolutely nothing because it's so quiet, I don't think you would ever want to leave. The desert has it's beauty also. I've seen them both. But if someone told me that I had to choose, I chose the forest. Watching a black bear dig through the bark of a rotted tree to eat a grub, a porcupine waddle through the high grass or a chimpmunk stuff a couple acorns on his cheeks so that they might explode. A couple of red squirrels chattering at each other like a couple of old ladies fighting. It all sounds crazy but it's so peaceful. I love those woods. I feel closer to God there. I think he put it all there so that I might keep my sanity. Sitting on a lake in the early morning hours with a slight fog lifting off the lake, the sound of a hawk screeching high up in the air. You cast your line into the water and your lure breaks the glass and the ripples take several minutes to dissipate. Man, that is peaceful. Getting to experience these thing keeps me sane. I just hope my grandson enjoys these things as much as I do. This weekend was a good bonding time for us and I cherish that. Hopefully I get to spend a lot more time with him. Nothing like family to keep you together. I do think we would be good friends. I already feel that. We have a lot in common. Have a great day tomorrow my friend.
     
  18. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    Yes, I would absolutely love it! We have some of best sunsets you will ever see but it’s still the desert. East Texas gets really nice with trees, rivers and the wildlife. But you can keep the bears, I see a bear and I go the opposite direction, preferably in a car far away from the bear. I don’t want to be lunch. We were up in the mountains one time in Vernal Utah camping with family that live there. We had a great day riding the rapids down the green river; at night we we’re sitting around a great camp fire taking it easy, it was my wife and my self, my wife’s sister and her husband. We had just put the kids to bed in the camper. We were having a really good time just talking, they were having a little wine and I was drinking a soda. Like I said we were having a great time until my brother-in-law mentions that a couple of days before when he was setting up the camper he had noticed a bear off in the distance checking him out so he kept his rifle close but that was all I needed to hear, my head was on a swivel the rest of the night with my 357 mag pistol close by, needless to say I didn’t get much sleep that night.
    I love the outdoors but I usually carry a firearm with me just in case.
     
  19. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    That's for sure about the sunsets. I've watched some of them on our honeymoon! I love Texas. I also love PA. They both have their plusses and minuses. I'm not crazy about the high temps in the summer I'm more of a fall guy. I love all the colors of the fall and the crisp cool air. As far as the bears go, they are more afraid if you than you are if them. Just a couple weeks ago, I went to work to see two game commission vehicles in the parking lot where I work. The facility I work at owns 40 acres of land and the driveway is about a quarter mile long so it's not at all visible from the road. I asked the game commission guys what they were doing and they said they was looking for a bear that was wandering the neighborhood. Being in a residential neighborhood, a lot of people from work were concerned. They never did find that bear. I'm sure he wanted as far away from us as possible. I'm more worried about getting surprised by a rattlesnake in the summer. Rattlesnakes and copperheads are the only two snakes we have to worry about in this state. Only a handful of copperheads have I heard about around here but there are a bit more rattlesnakes up in the mountains near my camp where I hunt. I too keep a sidearm handy most of the time but I like a bit more punch so I keep my Ruger Redhawk within arms reach. Really the only time I get concerned is when the mama bears have cubs. That's the only time they get aggressively protective. Even then they mostly just want to run away. But I will say this, when my wife and I were up in the tower of Americas in San Antonio, it was breathtaking to look out at that view. Nothing like it in the world. You mentioned kids, how many kids did you guys have? I have 3, two boys and a girl. Today is my daughter's birthday. She is our youngest and she turns 26 today. Man how the time flies.
     
  20. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    Yes I think I would really love the fall season there. My wife and I spent fall in Maine and Vancouver once and we really loved it, always wanted to go back and rent a cabin for the season. Here you might get actual 2 weeks of fall then old man winter is here. You may say a bear is more scared of me. I’m still more scared of them. Just a fact. lol. We have some huge rattle snakes around here, we have big rattlesnake round ups each summer to keep the population down, we have some copperheads more in east Texas where the lakes and rivers are. We were camping in tents one time in east Texas at possum kingdom lake when my sister woke up one morning with a copper had slithered into her sleeping bag with her and was coiled up on her stomach. That was a very tense few minutes. My wife and I never were able to have kids so I doted on our nephews and nieces. You know spoil them then send them home wired. lol. They all loved uncle John and aunt Kellye’s house. We had so much fun when they were children. I would let them stay up late in the living room watching tv, I used to get the biggest kick out of that because I told them my house was haunted and the ghost liked to change the channels on the tv at night but I had a second remote. It was years before they figured that one out. lol. I miss that a lot, they are older with their own children now and live out of state. Happy birthday to you daughter. Yes time does fly. We would invite the nephews and nieces over for hot cocoa a would Let them decorate the Christmas tree. That was fun. We didn’t exactly have our own kids but our brothers an sister were more than happy to let us have theirs on the weekends to give them some rest.