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Lost my wife to cancer.

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by JohnFS, Jun 8, 2019.

  1. Ron1njdds

    Ron1njdds New Member

    My wife died June 3 after 5 years of ovarian cancer. Your feelings sound like mine. Does this pain ever stop? I don't feel like I can go on.
     
  2. Gene Arnold

    Gene Arnold New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. After a year I still talk to my wife everyday. I made a memorial in one of her corner cabinets with things she loved. I put together a memorial DVD with pics, highlights of the time we spent together. I seems that memories are all we have left. No I don't think the pain ever stops only eases up a little. I know how you feel I felt the same way. If it wasn't for my 4 year old granddaughter I am not sure where I would be.
     
  3. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    I’m sorry for your loss, I lost my wife on April 15th and I still feel as lost now as I was then. Like Gene Arnold said, I don’t think the pain will ever leave us. I know how hard it is to just try and function on a daily basis and how heartbroken I am and always will be over the death of my wife, I miss her so very much! I’m a broken man but I’m still alive and my wife would want me to live so I decided to try a grievance counselor that helps me some, maybe as I go more it will help a little more. I realized I needed some professional help because the pain was too much for me to handle sometimes and I did not want to fall into that abyss and not be able to get out. I have family that is a great support and talking with people on here does help. I know I’m a broken man and I will be until I can decide to live again and I may get there some day. I wish for your heart to find joy again as we all here are searching for in one way or another.
     
    Ron1njdds likes this.
  4. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    Hello Gene, I too will be making a dvd and a keepsake chest for my memories of her and us together. I will let her daughter and her sister have what they want but I will keep what has meaning to me. It will be very hard for me to do, but I will do it when I’m ready.
     
  5. Ron1njdds

    Ron1njdds New Member

    The abyss
    That is just what it feels like. I hope everyone finds some relief from this pain.
     
  6. Dave Slay

    Dave Slay New Member

    Hi John just wanted to say that I can certainly empathize my wife died in May 15 of this year after year and a half long battle with cancer and I certainly agree everything home is all about her the sadness is overwhelming and there’s no controlling when it comes or goes I’m new to this website but I wanted to check in and share
    Hi John just read your story and wanted to check in to say that I fully and empathize with your story. My wife passed away May 15 of this year after year and a half long battle with cancer I watched her slowly disintegrate and die one piece at a time her last two weeks were spent in a hospice bed here in our home and now I am left with the memories of her dying here the sadness is almost unbearable and nothing much seems to help so I am hopeful that by joining in this website I can at least share with others the pain that I feel wishing you the best for your recovery
     
  7. Dave Slay

    Dave Slay New Member

    Same for me there are times when out of nowhere I just completely lose control and will cry for several minutes at a time not just sadness but anger as well. Just wanted to share with you that apparently this is the way it happens prayers for you my friend things will get better for us all at some point
     
    Ron1njdds likes this.
  8. Judi welch

    Judi welch Member

     
  9. Judi welch

    Judi welch Member

    I lost my beloved husband two weeks ago to a stroke. 40/years married. I feel your pain as I am sinking into a dark hole of grief. I thought we’d be together forever. I cannot fathom how you survive this. I get everything you said and I share every emotion you describe. I just want to go back to my life, not this living Hell.
     
  10. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    Yes l feel the anger also; I get so mad that she is gone, and how she had to go, that everything has changed. I get angry at the world going on around me and I have to try and live in it without her! I miss her so very much, I miss our life together. I miss how excited she would always get for date night going out to dinner and a concert. Why did it all have to change? She didn’t want to die, we were enjoying our life together so much. So many emotions come up and juggle around at the same time I hurt so bad I can’t breathe and I just go numb and sit and stare at nothing for a long amount of time kind of paralyzed in disbelief and other times I just cry. Thank you for you prayers, I send prayers also because they are what’s holding me together.
     
  11. Judi welch

    Judi welch Member

    I am so very sorry for your loss. The pain is unbearable
    We are (ere for you and understand. I am also angry and numb...walking in quicksand. Only two weeks. Will this fog lift ?
     
  12. JohnFS

    JohnFS Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I wished I had some solid answers for you but it's an hour by hour and day by day. The fog lifts for me a little sometimes only for moments, I hope it will get easier to deal with but it's a heartbroken road.
    I pray for strength and peace for you and being here for each other on this site has help me get through some tough moments by just reading what others are saying.
     
  13. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    I lost my wife of 33 years in November of 17. I keep waiting for the days to get easier. We were together for almost 40 years as we dated and went steady for 7 years prior to our marriage. We had three beautiful children together. At 44, she was diagnosed with colon cancer. From the pre surgery CT scan, they found a large tumor on her kidney. Her first of many surgeries was over 6 hours. Everything was supposed to be ok after the first surgery but a year and a half after she finished her first chemo, the cancer was back and in her liver. She battled that cancer for 13 years as it kept coming back and the treatments kept causing complications. She breathed her last breath in a hospice bed in our living room surrounded by her kids and myself. Life has been nothing but a struggle since losing her. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I did everything with her. I took care of her until she breathed her last breath. I miss her every day. Crying is almost a daily thing. You keep telling everyone you are ok, just so they leave you alone. I've tried going to a faith based grief share program, but it wasn't much help. I need her hug, her smile (it was amazing the positive attitude she had all the way through it). I need her to share my day with and to hear how hers was. It's really lonely without her. I completely understand how a person feels that has lost a loved one. I'm just trying to move forward as I know she would want me to. I just need someone to share my life with.
     
  14. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss Judi. I lost my wife in November of 17 after 33 years of marriage and almost 40 years of being together. I can tell you the first 6 months are just awful. After that the pain will lessen little by little but there will still be days that just plain suck. A song, a picture, something just triggers back all those memories and they come flooding back like a freight train. I felt like just a shell of a person with no feelings at all except pain. It's been a year and 8 months for me. I've tried Grief Share (a faith based support group. It helped a little but it's hard to move on from someone you loved for so long even though you know they would want you to. I'm not sure the pain will ever go away for me. I loved my wife with all my heart. We had 3 children together which are grown now and having children of their own. My house is quiet except for my dogs. I've read the Bible twice since her passing. A book I hadn't picked up in 57 years. I can tell you it has helped me get through some really bad days. Tomorrow seems scary facing it alone. Maybe some day I will meet someone to spend time with that understands what it's like to lose the love of your life. Maybe then I can move on because I know it's what my wife would have wanted for me. Good luck to you
     
  15. HeidiHeidi

    HeidiHeidi New Member

    Thank you for sharing your story and your steps to recovery. My husband just passed on May 23,2019and I am so actively grieving I don’t know how to stop spontaneously crying!
     
  16. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. It just hurts so bad but you don't know what to do. It's been a year and eight months since I lost my wife and I had a melt down last night. Just couldn't stop crying. Not every night is like that but there are days when it just comes up on you. I remember the first few months after her passing well. Very tiring and confusing. I had some family support which was helpful. I felt I had to say strong for my children. I still had a daughter in her last year of college. I got a lot of strength from her as she plowed through the pain and graduated with good grades. I don't know how she did it watching her mom pass sad trying to earn a mechanical engineering degree. The pain will lessen, I promise. I don't know if it will every go away but it will get better. Hang in there.
     
  17. ChristinaJo

    ChristinaJo Member

    My husband and I were also,married for 18 years. When he was first diagnosed with primary advanced liver cancer, there weren't many therapies available and surgery was not an option at all. He rarely drank and never smoked and in the end, died. But when his end came, boy did he decline quickly. I just wish the guilt monster would leave me alone. I feel guilty doing anything that's remotely enjoyable. I flip flop with the stags of grief. I think I've honestly gone through all of them only they never really end. I mean, how do you get over a loss like this, really?
     
  18. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    I don't think you ever get over it, just around it. My wife and I were married 33 years and together for 7 years prior. High school sweethearts. My whole life was with her. She fought cancer 13 years. She also never smoked or drank. I just don't understand it. 20 months have passed and I am just now having some good days that follow each other. Some bad days in between. It's been a tough road but I think she would want me to move on so I'm trying. Still, it's tough
     
  19. Julien

    Julien Well-Known Member

    I cried quietly beside my husband dying with pneumonia in the hospital. He asked me to please not cry anymore. Little did be know how much I would cry in the almost year now that it has been. He said I would go on because I had to. Well, the world lost all its color the day he died! I still appreciate life and love our dog but someone so wonderful left the earth so how could it be as wonderful? He was more than the east, West, North, and south...he was the whole sky to me. So in my heart he is with me as I take the grace of God to make it each day. Bless each of you for the grace you need.
     
  20. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    And may God bless you and help you through your grief. His right hand is there, just reach for it
     
    Julien likes this.