Lost my wife to Alzheimer’s

I am new here. I lost my wife after 8 years to Alzheimer’s. It has been 3 months since she passed. I am so sad. I don’t know what to do now. She was my life. I don’t know what I am to do with my life. I just keep crying and have no interest.

 

I grieve with you. The void you feel in your soul is something we share (all of us who frequent this site). Your void is new and it will take time to even start your new life's journey. My wife and soulmate, Janet, lost her battle with brain cancer 15 months ago, and I am still grieving. The gracious people at Hospice allowed me to share her Hospice room the last 3 months of her life. I will be eternally grateful to all of the volunteers and staff for their concern and empathy. What has helped me is finding something to occupy my mind, which pushed the agony outside my unbearable pain thresh-hold. Throughout my married life I wrote poetry for my wife, and my grief counselor Joanie, after hearing that fact, encouraged me to write about what I was feeling. Having spent many years in the entertainment industry, I started putting my words to music, which was an homage to Janet, and helped to occupy my mind. My songs are a tribute to her memory. I will start recording my 3rd song next month. I still miss Janet every minute of every day, but my voyage into music has helped me get through each day, one song at a time.
God Bless you and give you Peace.

Bill

 

I am sorry for the loss of your wife. Alzheimer’s is such a cruel disease, both my Mom and Mother in law suffered with dementia. I have seen what it does to a person and it’s so hard to watch. I lost my husband to a massive heart attack a little over 3 yrs ago. I know and understand your pain. It’s debilitating. The loss of our wonderful spouses turns our world upside down. Difficulty concentrating, lack of motivation are normal feeling right now. Your loss is very recent, met the tears happen, it’s cathartic. Staying busy has been the best help for me and getting fresh air. I still struggle, and miss Ron every second of every day. I do my best to honor him and try to still make him proud I’m his wife. He was my world and I talk about him all the time. I hope you have family and friends offering support, take any help offered. Come to this site often and read and share stories. It’s comforting to know you’re not alone. There’s a whole community of people here who know and understand what you’re going through.
Remember to take care of you, you’re in important.

 

Hi bk
I’m sorry to hear about your wife. My wife died August 2020 and I do good for a while and then wham. Out of nowhere it hits like a ton of bricks. We all grieve differently, no right or wrong way. For me, I find that talking to her while driving to and from work helps. Sometimes I listen to music, but more often than not that’s when I talk to her or reminisce (I know I butchered the spelling) about things we did or were planning on doing. The first few times that I drove past restaurants or stores she liked I got teary eyed and sad, now I pass them and say hey remember when this or that was said and we laughed. Etc. sometimes that helps me remember her jokes and stuff and I smile, with a tear in my eye, but it just brings back good memories. That may not work for you but it’s helped me.
What I’m having a hard time with now is the incredible loneliness feeling. It’s unlike any time I ever felt lonely before. I feel so alone, but don’t want to talk or be around anyone, other times I want to talk to people who’ve experienced this as well. But the emptiness is pretty hard to deal with. I know that this is not permanent, that I will learn to deal with it in time but for now. Wow it sucks. The thought that comes to mind though is that it hurts because there was love. If we didnt love it wouldn’t hurt, so in a way it’s good. I know that makes sense to some but to others they don’t get it.

 

The Sweet Essence of You - YouTube

 

THE ESSENCE OF YOU by William Lathrop

A Tribute to Janet, my beloved wife


I once asked God please…to squeeze out one more day for me

to hold you close

so we could pray,

but that day never came,

and my life now will never be the same…

ooh, never be the same


I thought you left me, and my life was through,

but God gave me time to reflect and review

some things that I never knew, along with one last clue

The chance to absorb the sweet essence of you

The sweet essence of you.


We’re just a regular, plain looking pair, who wouldn’t even warrant

an indignant stare, let alone a chance…a casual glance

But to us, the love that we share is epic in its stance.


I thought you left me, my life was through,

but God granted me time to finish things for you.

I see now, my learning’s not yet through.

For now, I can bathe myself

forever in the sweet essence of you.


Don’t you see…it fills all that I am, and all I’ll ever be,

and it’s clear for all to see,

and for the most part to get that we weren’t a Romeo or Juliet,

or star-crossed lovers on a cinematic set…


No rockets or explosions reside there,

but you can feel the love we are blessed to share,

and if you’re listening, I want you all to know before we go…

we starred in our own life’s big screen movie show.


Not a Grand Finale starring Ryan or Ali,

but a real-life

Love Story of our own…full blown…

And now, as I shout from the rooftops

so everyone will know: I hear you…I feel you…I see you…I know you…

 

Thank you for all your comments and input. I am going to take some time off this week. Leave the house and try to think some things out. Being home alone is very hard. I am trying to figure out some things.

 

Very sorry for your loss, what you're experiencing is unfortunately the normal process of grief. We have all been there or are going through it, too. I'm still trying to figure out who I am without my husband. I don't yet know but until I figure it out I just keep doing what we had planned to do in fixing up our house. I lost my husband in April and have just been putting one foot in front of the other. Let your tears flow, be kind to yourself, give yourself time and understanding that you will be sad and have no interest for awhile—your life has changed, nothing is the same, it's a shock to our system, to ourselves. I can tell you it will eventually get less raw and there was no way I could not see that at month 3 that's for sure. Know you're not alone and what you're experiencing is normal.

 

I am in now just over 3 Months into losing my wife to Alzheimer's. I took a week off work last week from work. The last several weeks have been very hard. I went to Laughlin, Nevada, and walked along the Colorado River and it helped to see nature, etc. Gambled a little, ate out, and I took my camera and took pictures. It was good to get away.

Some things still happening:

• I have a hard time concentrating at work.
• I have tried reading some grief books and had 2 grief support meetings with a counselor. They seem pointless.
• The best thing I have done is get out and walk or go hiking some. It reminds me of better times somehow or just the fact I am out of the house.
• The house is still so quiet. I keep thinking I might have to move. As the house has so many memories of me and my wife. Everyone says, you should wait and not make drastic decisions, but it so hard to work from home all day, in the house that I cared for my wife for almost 8 years and where she died. So many bad memories seem to outweigh the good sometimes.
• I worry about my job as I missed some project deadlines, but I care very little about it. I am sure when I don't get paid - I will care.
• I sleep just a little better. In Laughlin, I slept better than I have in years one night.
• I reached out again today to join a "newly grieved support group" that meets online. I did it before I left for a week and they never contacted me that week or last week. Maybe they don't like me.
• I still go through terrible phases of grief and I miss my wife so much.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. To be robbed first of the mind by Alzheimer's is a tremendous loss and then to go through the loss again when the battle is lost is devastating. My husband passed 3 years ago on 1/28, he had esophageal cancer that metastasized to the brain. He only lived 6 months after his diagnosis, I cared for him in our home. I know how you feel, every spot in the house has a memory. Give yourself the gift of time. Grief is a slow process, at times you may feel you are going backwards. Take care of yourself. It seems hiking and getting out of the house in nature helps. Do what is right for you. Take care, you are not alone.
Mary